January 23, 2012

In Which Searle Presents the Set to be Observed

August 22, 1177

"Why the hell would I agree to that anyway?"

Nearly four years of marriage now and Searle had yet to see Lettie angry. He'd feared he might when he asked her--it was enough to anger most people, no doubt, even if there were altruistic intentions behind the idea--but it was just her typical brand of disbelief, that glare she always shot him when he did something stupid. "Er... good Christian charity?"

Lettie snorted. "Well, what else would you call fucking one's husband's lover?"

"Sparron's not my lover anymore."

"Yes, but you wish he still was." Shaking her head, Lettie fiddled with her wedding band. He didn't think he'd seen her do that before. "Look, if you want him back in your bed, that's between you and him. Don't drag me and Camaline and any hypothetical children into it."

Searle sighed. His wife was of the cerebral variety, the sort who could balance equations and reimagine trade routes and debate philosophy all night long but saw emotions mainly as something to be studied--some alien set better observed secondhand. At the same time, she wasn't frigid. He couldn't have asked for a better combination when he'd come up with the idea, or so he'd thought at the time. Maybe she couldn't experience the 'why'. It was made of unsterile things she was unwilling to touch. "It's not about me and Sparron. I just want to help out some friends."

"Quite the favor, don't you think?"

It was. But there wasn't much more rewarding than paying a favor... was there? "Lettie, if you do this one thing for me, I swear to God I'll never ask you for anything else ever."

"You don't even know what you're asking me." The wedding band twirled around her finger once again. A nagging fear in the back of his head warned him not to let it twist right off. "I've already been through two pregnancies, in case you've forgotten. It's awful--and ask any other woman and she'll tell you the same. Why would I go through that again for a baby I don't even get to keep?"

"I don't know." God, she just wouldn't stop with that ring! Not sure how much more he could take, he took her by the hand and pulled her a little nearer. "What about the experimental value?"

Lettie raised an eyebrow. "Experimental value?"

"You know." It was a long shot, but if Lettie had an Achilles heel, it was her curiosity. "Take it as a learning experiment. You can compare and contrast and... you know. Broaden your horizons."

"Broaden my horizons." Eyes rolling--eyes exactly like a few of Sparron's half-siblings, Searle noticed--she grabbed a fistful fabric from her hip and sighed. "Your own two broadened everything quite enough, thank you very much."

What the hell was she talking about? She'd been a thin little thing when they'd met, but since birthing Rennie she had the most God damn perfect body he'd ever seen. Arkon had done little if anything. Maybe a third wouldn't change a bit. "They broadened nothing." A skeptical snicker caught itself in her throat; Searle twirled her about in an effort to coax it forth. "Come on Lettie, please? Don't you feel bad for poor Camaline? And wouldn't it be great if my two favorite people in the world had the most perfect child ever?"

At least she was laughing. "Now you're just being a kiss-ass."

"Say yes and I'll kiss your ass and everything else all night long."

"Oh, you lost your ass-and-everything-else-kissing privileges when you waltzed in here." She gave him a playful smack on the cheek and turned herself back around. "I'll tell you what, though; if you can promise me that certain conditions can be met--"

"You'll do it?" His heart was beating so fast he feared it might fly right out his grinning mouth.

"No. If you can make some absolute guarantees, then..." He didn't quite have a word for what was on her face. She must have meant him to think it a smile, but it lacked the effort required of a grimace. "Then I'll at least think about it."

"Oh." His heart slowed, but it could have been worse. Indeed, it probably couldn't have been much better. "What are the conditions?"

"Well, first of all--" she pulled her hand from his and wrung it with her other "--if we do this, we're doing it for the enjoyment value. And we're only doing it once. If I happen to get pregnant, fine. If not--or if it's a stillbirth, or a miscarriage--too bad."

Searle swallowed. That... certainly lowered the odds. But if she was actually willing to consider this, then he was in no position to argue. "Fair enough. And?"

"And Camaline only wants to relieve the pressure of having an heir; a daughter won't make that go away, so if the theoretical baby is a girl, then Camaline will be the one faking the stillbirth and we'll keep her ourselves. And you'll treat her just like any of your other daughters, because frankly you'll be just as responsible for her birth as you were for Rennie's."

She did have a point. "All right. Anything else?"

"One more." She brushed back a stray orange lock, the gold of her wedding bland glinting all the while. It looked a little more stable now. "If we do this, it won't be until after the baroness's baby is born, for a couple reasons. Firstly, because that family has been through more than enough and should the worst happen, Sparron and Camaline don't need the stress of all this weighing down on them too. And secondly..." She trailed somewhat, eyes to the ceiling as though she might find the words up there. "Well, even if I say yes, I reserve the right to reconsider--and since Holladrin isn't due until October, that would give the me the time to do so."

Of course. Yes, of course she could reconsider. He couldn't think of what he wouldn't give her just for considering at all.

"Lettie, you're the best. You know that, right?"

His wife groaned. "Slow down, Champ. I only said I'd think about it, remember?"

NEXT CHAPTER:

11 comments:

Van said...

I meant to have this up earlier, but long story short I received some rather aggravating news today and I had to take a couple hours to cool down. I'm still not cooled down, to be honest :S

Anonymous said...

Lettie is taking it well I suppose, she is very rational here, I guess Searle did get lucky about her not considering emotions as most other women would.
And gosh, wouldn't it be strange if they ended up raising Sparron's daughter?

I hope you're doing okay, whatever the news was. <3

Van said...

Yeah, he should probably be happy he got to leave the room with his genitals intact :S

I wonder what Sparron would have to say about Searle raising Sparron's daughter o_O

Thanks. I'm doing okay (it's not a death or anything like that). It might be nothing, but if not then it'll be a major inconvenience. I won't know for sure for a while, though, and I think that's what scares me the most.

Penelope said...

Good luck with your situation, Van. :\ Hope everything turns out okay.

And umm bingo about Sparron. There is no way that Searle (or more to the point, Lettie) raising Sparron's daughter wouldn't result in Sparron speaking up and stepping in, even at the risk of revealing everything. By the same token, why would Lettie give up her child in either case? I mean, it's her child! One that she would see regularly and be forced to deny. Can you imagine how heartbreaking that would be? You would think that Lettie would be able to imagine it, seeing as how she is a mother of two. I don't care how stoic she is. If there were some serious reason why Lettie could not keep her own child, and if Sparron and Camaline really desperately wanted a family/could provide a loving home, this scenario would almost make sense. "I need your baby because Dad is particularly annoying, and oh noes, what if I'm not his favorite little girl anymore??" Should convince no one. Poor hypothetical child.

And I don't know what Searle was talking about when he said that this wasn't about him and Sparron. It is inherently, inextricably about him and Sparron. There is no way around how much this is about him and Sparron.

Van said...

Thanks Pen. Still waiting to hear back. God, it sucks having to put everything on hold until it's "convenient" for someone with the information to give the answers.

Oh, Sparron would have some pretty serious feelings about Searle and Lettie raising his kid. And you're right, I doubt Lettie would be okay with Sparron and Camaline raising hers either, if it came down to it. At least she had the sense not to give a definite "yes" :S

It's totally about him and Sparron. Maybe he's telling himself it's not, but it is.

S.B. said...

Lettie has to be the best in the entire world. That's a breathtakingly...ok, between those two, maybe not. But damn. That's asking a lot.

So he's willing to let Sparron raise his child, or, going the other way, Sparron would be willing to let Searle raise his child.

This is always going to be about Sparron and Searle. The women in the middle, no matter how much either of them cares, are the women in the middle.

Van said...

Even today, now that pregnancy and childbirth are so much safer, it seems like it would be a pretty colossal favor to surrogate for someone, especially if you were also the egg donor :S

I think if their places were switched, Searle would be totally okay with Sparron raising his child. Hell, in an ideal universe, they'd be raising the kid together. Sparron letting Searle raise his... a little less likely. But hey, we don't even know if this kid will exist yet.

Searle's whole universe is ordered around Sparron. I don't know how conscious he is of that, but that's definitely how it is.

Anonymous said...

Hope things in your personal life improve soon, Van.

I'm with Pen here ... this just seems like a bad, bad idea that can go so wrong in so many ways. :( This is not even comparable to a modern surrogacy/adoption situation. At least with a modern surrogacy, if the birth mother thinks it's too painful to be near her child while other people are raising it, she can get the heck out of dodge. Move away, start seeing another set of friends, whatever. Lettie? Lettie's going nowhere. She'd have to see that kid every week or month -- maybe even every day. That sounds like torture to me.

And then the idea of Sparron letting Searle and Lettie raise his child ... yeah, good luck talking him into that one.

Honestly? Camaline's whore idea keeps sounding better and better. At least the whore wouldn't have to see her kid. At least for her it could be more like giving the child up for adoption. She's giving the kid a better life. Lettie can't even tell herself that. :(

... Are we sure Roderick and Laralita can't just be told to back the hell off? Because if they don't care, nobody else will care. And Tetran is not exactly lacking in male heirs.

*sigh* Oh well. Either way, it'll be interesting to see where this goes.

Van said...

Fortunately, it turned out okay for the RL thing :)

Camaline's whore idea is a lot better than this one, for sure. All in all fewer negative impacts on fewer people, for sure :S

Roderick and Laralita? I'm sure they can be told to back off... but with those two, there's never any guarantee that they'll listen :S

The Lunar Fox said...

I'm glad the RL thing turned out okay. You've been on a roll with the updating.

Yeah, Cemaline's idea is so much better. This one is crazy. Lottie need a to say hell no and stick to it. I imagine that's difficult with Searle though.

Van said...

Thanks Lunar. There have been tons of Naronis lately because I've been neglecting/avoiding everything else. Hoping to find a balance soon.

Camaline's idea definitely trumps this one. But yeah, Searle is nothing if not persistent...