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July 24, 1199
"I mean... I guess it doesn't change anything, really," Rennie's sister--or, technically, half-sister, though it would be difficult to keep on thinking that and she thought she'd prefer not to anyway--muttered as she twiddled her thumbs in absent-minded gloom. "It just sort of... came out of nowhere. I don't think Mother ever intended to tell me."
In the corner of her eye, Rennie stole a glimpse of her two-year-old son playing on the floor, old enough to follow bits of the conversation but young enough not to bother. The lie tied a sharp knot in her gut, but she supposed she understood why her mother would have wanted to keep this to herself. Alina, maybe, would too, if and when she became a mother. "Maybe she thought it would be for the best if you didn't know."
"Maybe." Alina fidgeted, as if she too thought it would have been. As if she wished, somehow, that the truth could be untold. "But you know how Mother is. After Prior talked to her, she probably felt compelled to tell me."
Rennie frowned. That was possibly true, but not for the reasons Alina might have thought. "That had to have been a tough conversation for her. Maybe she needed to tell you, just... for closure's sake. I don't know if there's such thing as mid-catharsis."
"There must be, since she left me stranded there. Turns out, I barely even knew my real father. And now that I know who he is, he's dead."
"He was always kind to you, though," Rennie offered in half-assed reassurance. Now that she thought about it, she did recall Sparron paying Alina a more paternal sort of attention than he had her and Arkon and Severin.
"I suppose. But what about Father? I mean, he always had his issues, but he never treated me any differently. Will things change if he knows that I know?"
"I don't know." A sad state of affairs it was, knowing how often that was her response to any question about her own father. What could be said about a man who had so much love in his heart, yet so little ability to make good on it? What did say about her if she almost envied Alina her newfound paternity? Sparron had loved Prior like the earth loved the sun. "Did Mother say she was going to tell him?"
"She said she wouldn't, but that I could if I wanted to. Same for you and Arkon and Severin." Alina sighed. "But I don't know if I want to talk about this with any of them. Can we keep this between us for now? Just us sisters?"
Rennie nodded. It wasn't her secret to tell, wasn't it? Arkon and Severin didn't need to know. And until Alina had a sense of how he'd react, their father definitely didn't need to know.
Hell--Rennie herself hadn't needed to know. But she did now, and maybe that put a few extra burdens on her shoulders. And maybe she was fine with that.
Her sister didn't need to go through this alone.
"Let me know if you ever want me to talk to Mother on your behalf, though. I know some things might be easier said through a third party."
NEXT CHAPTER:
April 6, 1197
"My God! I think he's already gained a pound since I was last here," Rennie's mother mused as she cooed over the baby. It didn't seem quite natural--while she'd done well with her own brood, Rennie's mother had always been more attuned to older children and teenagers than to babies--but she got points for trying, and of course she would try.
Searle was her first grandchild, after all.
"Well, no matter how much he gains, I'm relieved to at least be carrying him externally now. Sev had better not be hoping for a second one any time soon." Rennie still hadn't quite figured out what to do with this one yet! He seemed to just... suckle at her nipples, produce waste, sleep, and cry. At least he didn't cry much. But, he did seem to stare a lot, as if every stupid thing in the world was both fascinating and terrifying. At least he was cute. And warm.
"I hope you've stocked up on herbs, then. Sometimes they happen whether you hope for them or not." Her mother cast a fond-yet-telling glance down at Rennie's little brother, occupied on the rug with Leon and his toy castle.
"Leon, have you been helping Rennie with your new little nephew?"
"Uh-huh," Sev's two-year-old brother muttered, despite having only helped by staying out of her way--possibly only because he thought Searle smelled funny.
"He seems to prefer Sparron to the baby. Sparron's at least old enough to play."
Assuming, that was, that 'playing' constituted banging the figures against the walls and leaving bite marks on their legs. Searle may not have had the assets of mobility yet, but at least he was a low risk for property damage.
"Small boys aren't too bright, are they?"
"No, boys never really are--but they're easy, at least. Girls are tricky."
"Then at least I get to work my way up to a girl, I suppose." Rennie lifted Searle to her shoulder and kissed the side of his head. "Kiddo, if you want to make things easy for Mama, I have no objections."
NEXT CHAPTER:
November 20, 1195
"Awww! I didn't think you could be any cuter than you were the last time I saw you, but you've somehow managed!" Riala cooed to Melria's baby. It was not uncommon knowledge that Riala had been Melria's fierce defender and best friend since the death of the king, and her dropping in unannounced on any given day would not be unexpected, but Rennie suspected that her presence here on this particular day had been Sev's work. Riala was Sev's doting big sister who could deny him nothing, and if Sev's betrothed was dreading meeting her half-sister for the first time, and if Riala's warm presence could act as a buffer and a distraction for the stepmother... well, then Sev wouldn't be shy about asking.
Sev himself hadn't been able to come, which Rennie didn't much mind. Sev's presence might have alerted her father and stepmother to Rennie's unease, if they were dense enough that they hadn't noticed it before. She hadn't been able to shake Ella, though.
But Ella's presence, like Riala's, would at least be beneficial. Ella had been a half-sibling all her life and was well-versed in that etiquette. It would have been nice to have her in the delivery room while her mother labored with Sparron only a month and a half prior, but her mother had insisted on keeping her aids to a minimum: Rennie and Alina, their grandmother, and Aunt Raia.
Sparron was an easier presence in the world than Avine, though. For all Lettie knew that there must have been some man involved, it wasn't hard to convince herself that Sparron was entirely of her mother. Her mother, who'd always been steadfast and supportive and loving. Avine was half her distant father, and half the unanticipated stepmother she barely knew and didn't really have much need for.
An unfair judgement to pass on a baby who couldn't help her parentage and might as well grow up to be more than their sum.
But, who the hell could help how they felt about shit like this.
"I'm so glad she got Searle's eyes. They're so pretty, aren't they?"
Rennie rustled in her seat, though Ella was quick to calm her with a pat on the arm. Her father's eyes had eluded the rest of them. Arkon and Alina both had their mother's eyes, while Severin had Grandmother Renata's. Rennie got her own from Great-Grandfather Lonriad. That deeper blue couldn't have been bothered with any of them.
"They are--though there's nothing wrong with a lighter blue." Riala's note, Rennie was positive, had been for her benefit. She wasn't in the mood to appreciate it much.
"Or brown," added Ella. A brown-eyed baby of Melria's could have been anyone's, after all--not that Rennie felt any better about that.
"They might change, anyway." It was a weak attempt at saving her own ass from some danger she couldn't identify and wasn't even sure existed. Where was she even going with the comment? All she wanted was to leave. "I mean... babies' eyes can be kind of fickle sometimes, can't they?"
Ella--sweet, eager Ella, so keen and yet so powerless to keep up Rennie's spirits--nodded with vigor. "Oh, true! My brother Isidro's took a while to settle, I think."
Riala offered a slight shrug. She had the benefit of having raised four children from infancy--and, more likely than not, had been warned about Rennie's reluctance. But, she was also Melria's friend. She was stuck in the middle.
Rennie could relate.
"I guess we'll see."
NEXT CHAPTER:
August 18, 1195
Rennie cracked her knuckles as Sev took a seat on the other bench. Ordinarily, he'd sit beside her, but she didn't want that. She hadn't even wanted his hand on her shoulder as they'd left her mother's house. Rennie was affectionate in her own way, but touch was best reserved for when she wasn't feeling vulnerable--or, when she wasn't worried about someone else's vulnerability.
Not that Aunt Lettie, from what Sev could tell, seemed particularly vulnerable. Yes--she was visibly pregnant despite having been divorced for several years now, with no obvious candidate for the role of father. But, she kept going about her life as usual, protruding stomach no more a hindrance than a misplaced notch in her belt, a stinging retort for anyone who dared mention it and a guarantee that no one would mention it twice.
But Rennie was Aunt Lettie's daughter. An insult to the self wasn't the same thing as an insult to one's mother.
"I, uh... I thought your father was going to claim it. I mean, a lot of people don't acknowledge divorce, right?"
Rennie sniffed, shaking her head. "No one who knows either of them would believe it. Besides, there's Melria to consider now."
As always, she rolled her eyes as she spoke her stepmother's name. Melria too was expecting, due in the middle of November--a month and a half after Aunt Lettie's baby at the end of September or beginning of October. There was a point in life, Sev knew for a fact, where the thought of parents having more babies became more alarming than exciting. The thought of two at once? Especially with one conceived under less-than-ideal circumstances?
"I don't think Melria would mind. She didn't marry your father for love."
"Neither did my mother. No one would believe that they rekindled their passion for the night; any passion they ever had is well beyond rekindling." She kicked off the heel of one slipper and flung the shoe from her foot. It fell about at two-thirds of the distance to the fireplace. "I shouldn't have spent so many nights at the dormitory over the holidays. I might have at least seen who it was."
"Would you want to know, though? I mean, your mother obviously isn't interested in telling anyone." Not that she didn't know that. But, the odd reminder couldn't hurt. "Maybe when she says it doesn't matter, it really doesn't. If she wanted whoever it was in her life, she would have done something about it by now. I know most of us aren't going to get it, but I think she prefers it this way, or has at least come to terms with it."
"Maybe." But, even as Rennie looked Sev's way, the other shoe followed the first one's journey across the floor. The toe might have even reached a little further. "Doesn't make many any less angry with him, though--whoever he is. It takes two to make a baby. The least he could do is own up to his part in it."
NEXT CHAPTER:
January 1, 1189
Rennie neither knew nor cared what Lyssa would think of her commandeering her bedroom. It shouldn't have been much of an issue. Lyssa was still dancing the night away, and Rennie didn't think she'd need more than a half hour's peace. If Lyssa minded someone else just resting on her bed, minding their own business and not snooping anywhere private, while she wasn't even around... well, that was her problem.
Though, Lyssa never minded that sort of thing. Rennie only considered it because she herself might have.
In the past, at least. Her personal neuroses lay half-abandoned in the wake of everything else going on.
The final letter from Rome had arrived. The church had threatened her grandfather with excommunication for his insistence, but it had proven an empty threat when they'd learned just how little he cared. The scandal of it, no doubt. It had been less embarrassing than letting her parents divorce.
She guessed she was glad of it, or ought to have been. Her mother, at least, would be better off. Her father would too, in time. Lord knew she and her siblings were doing as well as they could.
She'd liked having a family, though--as fucked up as that family might have been.
"Rennie?"
She rolled her eyes as he knocked. Her cousin Sev, probably wondering why he hadn't gotten a kiss out of her this year. He'd pestered her enough about it in the past couple months. She didn't have time for this. "Get lost."
"Relax, Ren. I'm not here to pester you." Sev shuffled in, fingers in his hair. He did have nice hair, she'd grant him. "I just wanted to see if you were all right."
She didn't want to lie to him. So, she said nothing.
"Your parents?"
"That obvious?" She slid off of Lyssa's bed. The wooden floor might as well have been jagged rocks.
"It's not as if it was a secret. And even if it was, your father is my uncle; I would have found out eventually."
"I suppose." She sighed. He probably didn't know what to say beyond that, and she guessed she appreciated his not trying. He didn't know what she was going through. He didn't know it would get better. But he knew that he didn't know. "How are your parents still happy, after all these years?"
"I don't know. I guess they have their own lives and they have their life together and they support each other no matter what." That sounded... well, like more than her parents had. Her father had his own life. Her mother had had her life with him.
The support had been woefully one-sided.
"That's a nice idea."
Sev shrugged. "I like to think so. It's a pity not every couple can be like them."
Indeed. There had only ever been one person who could make her father happy. Rennie had her suspicions as to who it had been, but suffice to say, her mother was out of the running. For all she'd tried. "I hope you'll have something like your parents have one day."
"Thank you." He stepped up and engulfed her in one of his warm, firm hugs.
"I hope you'll have something like my parents do too."
NEXT CHAPTER:
May 15, 1188
Lettie's eldest was not used to being summoned privately by her mother in such a grave manner. Rennie could be a spitfire at times, but she got good grades and kept to her principles and usually got along with others unless she was justified in not doing so. She was not used to getting in trouble, and when summoned in seriousness, didn't children tend to assume they were in trouble?
She wasn't in trouble. So far as Lettie knew, the only thing she might have possibly lectured Rennie about was the rather-longer-than-necessary kiss from her cousin Sev as the midnight bells tolled on New Year's. Lettie didn't much care if her eldest daughter was kissing boys, and least so long as she wanted those kisses, but Rennie didn't know that.
"Rennie, this isn't about anything you did or didn't do."
The girl exhaled, posture relaxing somewhat. A pity it wouldn't last. "It's about your father. You... you may have heard that he hasn't been home all morning."
Indeed--the stiffness, the tension, the alarm. It all returned. "He--he's not hurt, is he? Where is he?"
"He's fine." Physically. After just losing Jadin, still aching over Sparron, thank God. "He's at your grandfather's. You see... he went off into the woods last night. I don't know what he was doing there, but he wasn't in a good state of mind." To say the least.
How to proceed? She wouldn't tell Rennie about Searle looking for Deian, or about how he'd only calmed when Vera had brought forth Sparron's ghost to console him. That would be for Searle to tell, if he ever would. The poor man probably thought Sparron had been a dream. "Your Aunt Vera and Mistress Morgan found him wondering in the forest. He agreed to leave with them after--after some convincing. They summoned me to your grandfather's castle shortly after arriving there. The three of us spoke with your grandparents, and we agreed that it would be best if he stayed there for a few months."
"Will he be all right?" Rennie squirmed in her seat, as she often had when she'd been much younger, when Searle had solved most of his troubles with the bottle.
Lettie sighed. "I don't know. I know it's a lot to ask, but for now, I want this to stay between us. I'll give your siblings some abridged version, but you're old enough and mature enough that you have the right to know. I'll fill Arkon in soon, but I'd like to keep Alina and Severin as comfortable as possible." For as long as it would be possible.
Her poor babies. "But that's not all I wanted to talk to you about. Your father and I discussed it, and we agreed that it would be best for all of you and both of us if I took Sir Nythran's old house in University Village."
Rennie's eyes widened. She wasn't naive--and Lettie prided herself on raising children who weren't. It still hurt, knowing that she knew. "So you're... divorcing."
"That is the plan. We talked it over and we figured it was the only way we could stay friends in the long run. You and your siblings will each get to choose between coming with me and staying with your father, and of course you'd be welcome to go back and forth as you please." Lettie ran a hand down her sleeve, massaging her arm through soft velvet. It was her favorite dress. Searle had given it to her, long ago. One day, she hoped to wear it without her heart trying to break from her chest. "I'm sorry, baby."
"No. No, don't be sorry." But Rennie cracked a knuckle, a sign of frustration she'd inherited from Lettie's father. Lettie hated the sound, but she chose not to scold. "If you think it's for the best, then I trust you. I want the best too."
That made two of them. Lettie just hoped that Searle made three. "Thank you for understanding."
NEXT CHAPTER:
March 29, 1180
"Papa!"
Rennie hardly gave her father a chance to notice her before launching herself into his arms. How could she have? He'd been holed up in his study all day, doing whatever it was he needed his privacy for, door locked. She'd been up early this morning--earlier than her mother, even earlier than her baby brother!--and she still hadn't seen him yet today. And to think, one of the cooks had already approached, asking Rennie what she wanted for supper! The day was almost over.
So with that in mind... why would she give her father a chance to catch his breath? She'd begged the cook not to start yet, but it was only a matter of time before Arkon and Alina got hungry and cranky...
"Rennie-Wren!" He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, the hairs on his chin scratching against her face as he pulled back, his breath rather stinky. Still, her father with bad breath was better than no father at all. "Good afternoon so far?"
"Papa, it's almost evening!"
"Is it?" He clapped his hands together in overblown amazement, the way he did with her little siblings when they did some silly thing adults somehow deemed noteworthy. She couldn't say she appreciated it, but she resolved to let it slide. There was no sense wasting precious time on being annoyed. "Wow, I've been in there a while, haven't I?"
"Uh-huh." Rennie rocked back and forth, heel to toe. "Mama said that you and her are having a talk after supper. Also, Grandpa was here, and he banged on your door for ten whole minutes and you never answered." How had her father managed that? Especially after the cursing had started? Her father must have been having the best nap of his life. "He said that he's coming back tomorrow, and you and him are having a talk then."
"Oh." Her father's overblown smile dulled. "I take it I'm in trouble?"
"Yes!" And really, if anyone had any right to punish him, it was Rennie. But again--time. "Don't you remember? It's my birthday!"
And now the smile was gone, the confusion in his eyes replaced with outright horror. Rennie shivered. She didn't think she'd seen her father scared before. Sad, sure--more often then she liked--but scared? Or was 'scared' the right word for this? "Papa?"
"Oh." Whatever it was, it had spread to the rest of his face. He looked like her cousin Dalston always did just before he puked. "Oh, Rennie-Wren... Rennie, honey, I..."
"It's all right. My birthday's not over yet." He flashed her the sort of fake smile he usually reserved for her mother. She'd take it, though. He wouldn't have faked it if he hadn't wanted to smile... would he? "Can we go now?"
"Um... where are we going?"
That was two things he'd forgotten. Two big things. How did anyone forget two big things in one day? "The kennel. Don't you remember? You said I could have a puppy."
Her father swallowed. "Oh, right... I did, didn't I?"
Rennie nodded, grinning as she glanced toward the window. The sun still had some way to go before it reached the horizon. There was still time. "So why are we still here? Let's go."
"Uh, yes, well..." The fake smile was back. This time, forgiveness was a bit more difficult. "I, uh... I don't think we can go today, sweetie. It's getting to be pretty late, and I've got some things to do--grown up things that can't wait. You understand, right? You're a smart girl."
She felt the corners of her mouth droop, dragging her lower eyelids along. He always said she was smart just before he broke his promises. She wished she was stupid. If she was stupid, he wouldn't have expected her to understand. And if she didn't understand, he wouldn't have let her down. "But..."
"We'll go tomorrow, all right?" He let one hand fall to the side and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear with the other. As soon as he'd withdrawn, she fished it back out. "And just for being patient, you can have two puppies. Two! How about that, Rennie-Wren? Twice the puppy fun!"
Rennie just looked at him. Only for a second, though--just a second before she turned around and set off to find her mother. If he was trying to hurt her, then at least he wouldn't have the satisfaction of seeing her cry.
NEXT CHAPTER:
March 12, 1180
"Ma-ma!" Arkon whined, dropping his toy horse to the floor of his castle and flopping back onto the rug in frustration. "Alina keeps chewing my toys!"
"What do you expect?" chided their older sister from the couch. "You know she's going to wreck anything you let her play with, so why do you keep sharing? Hide your toys like I do, dummy."
"Rennie, don't call your brother a dummy." Lettie lifted little Severin to her shoulder and took to rubbing his back. Was she a horrible mother if she hoped he never learned to speak? "Alina, take that out of your mouth. And Arkon, you know you have to share."
"But--"
"No buts." God. Whenever Searle got back from wherever he was--the inn, no doubt, for all it was barely noon--he was in for the tongue-lashing of a lifetime. The children were rambunctious at the best of times and today had been the worst of them. And while neither she nor Searle were noted disciplinarians on their own, none of the children were stupid enough to not to listen if they both had something to say.
Or shout, as she would have preferred right then.
Someone knocked. Finally. "Searle, I swear to God, if I smell wine--"
"I'm not Searle."
Lettie frowned. No... that was Sparron's voice. But what was Sparron doing here? He'd called on her a few days after Severin's birth, just to see how she was, which had been kind of him... but with that in mind, it didn't add up that he'd risk a run-in with Searle again so soon. "Sparron? Uh... come in, I guess."
And without a hint of his usual hesitation, he did just that.
He wasn't alone.
As early as that evening, Lettie would look back on that moment and marvel that she hadn't dropped the baby in her shock. She'd seen her middle son--for all she shouldn't have thought of him as such--whenever she'd dropped by Tetran Keep, but it was the first time he'd been at her castle since his birth. And it was the first time all five of her children had ever been in a room at once. "Prior!"
Prior gave her a toothy smile. "Leddie!"
"Yes, that's Auntie Lettie." Sparron hoisted the boy a little higher as he started toward her. "What about the children? Are you going to say hello to them?"
Prior nodded. "'Ello."
"Hello, Prior. Hello, Uncle Sparron," chorused Lettie's older two as Alina waved and even Severin stirred.
"Kids." Sparron's gaze fell to each of them in turn--but lingered longer on Alina, Lettie noticed. "How have things been around here?"
If only he knew. Not that any good would come of telling him. "To be honest, they've been better. But you wouldn't be here if you didn't have other business--would you, Champ?"
Sparron shrugged and glanced down at Prior, who was in turn eyeing Severin with... whatever interest toddlers could have in babies. It might have been a nice idea, but it was irrational to think he somehow knew that the infant in her arms was his little brother. "I'm going fishing with Isidro this afternoon, so since I had to ride by here anyway, I thought I'd see if you wanted to take Prior for a couple hours."
Lettie blinked, all thoughts of her absentee husband and her children's unruliness gone at the very suggestion. As if he'd needed to ask. But-- "You don't think it would be--?" She caught herself just before the word 'suspicious' slipped out of her. Rennie knew that word and Arkon might have too, and at least one of the two would be curious.
"No, it's fine." And, as if to confirm his father's words, Prior smiled at her. "Camaline and Thallie are out of the house and my father is busy and the nurse is preoccupied with my niece. I'd feel better if I knew you were keeping him out of trouble."
"He'll be no trouble." As far as Lettie was concerned, that was a certain as two and two were four. "Actually, he might keep the rest of them out of it--won't you, Prior?"
Prior nodded, grinning all the while. His hair flopped away from his face, granting her a view of his freckles. He hadn't gotten those from his father.
He kept looking up at her even as Sparron set him down. "You be good for Auntie Lettie, all right?"
Another nod. Sparron kissed him on the top of the head, then eased himself back up. "Have fun playing with Alina and Arkon. Papa will be back soon."
Prior scooted over to the other two and picked up a discarded doll--and didn't put it anywhere near his mouth, just as much to Arkon's relief as to Lettie's, no doubt. Sparron allowed himself another quick glance at Alina, then flashed a smile for the baby before meeting Lettie's eye.
"Thank you for this. It means a lot to me."
Lettie sniffed out a small laugh. As if it were just him. "No. Thank you."
NEXT CHAPTER:
