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September 1, 1185
Aldhein had hoped that Alsina had been able to occupy herself that day. Nora had attended the execution, so visiting with her had been out, but surely Evaleith or Thetis or one of Alsina's other occasional companions would have been free. Most people didn't care to watch an execution, as demonstrated by Alsina herself when she'd told him she had no intention of going. Alsina had more reason to want that man dead than most, and even she didn't want to see it done. The knowledge that he was gone would be more of a comfort without seeing him again.
As for Aldhein himself, he had to see him. He hadn't been informed of the connection until after the man was behind bars, so he'd been denied the opportunity to rip him to shreds himself. The consolation prize had been watching him hang.
"Have you been here all day?"
"No." But instead of elaborating, Alsina just rose to her feet and shuffled through the gap between the chair and the couch, then looped around to greet him. Like most of their touches since Cenric had been born--the handful of times she'd allowed him to make love to her included--her embrace was slow, tentative, even a little hesitant. Today of all days, that was even more fitting. It was a remarkable strength to touch at all.
"So, he's..."
"He's dead," he assured her after she trailed off. "I saw it with my own eyes. I even saw them prod him with a lance just to be sure. He can't hurt anyone else."
Alsina sighed--a light sigh. Like she'd spent years tangled up in some ball and chain and only now had she been liberated. "Today is the best day."
Aldhein raised an eyebrow. He'd known she'd be relieved, but he hadn't thought she'd be happy. He was--he had enough monster in him to take pleasure in death, so long as the deceased was repulsive enough--but Alsina was all human. She would know firsthand that the world was better off without Grayer Maesflein, but to delight--outright delight--in his death? That wasn't her.
"I'm sure there have been better days..."
She shook her head. "Something miraculous has happened."
"Miraculous?" If that was the case, it was about damn time. But miraculous was never the case--was it? "Alsina..."
"I went to see Arydath." It had been some months since he'd seen that light in her eyes. "I mean, it's been half a year since my last course, but I've been a kind of sick the past month or so, so I thought... maybe somehow..."
She trailed off again, though not anxious this time. Blissful. Savoring a bite of something sweet after an overlarge meal of vegetable mush.
Aldhein reached for her face and ran his fingers down her cheek. Her flesh pinkened at the cue of his touch, but she did not brush him aside.
"Are you pregnant?"
She nodded. "Arydath said it's not unheard of, but she hadn't wanted me to get my hopes up before."
He couldn't blame Arydath for that. Midwives had no say over miracles.
But with Maesflein gone and this new little life in the making, for the first time in his life, Aldhein wondered if something out there did.
NEXT CHAPTER:
August 7, 1185
A summer illness had been make its rounds in Armionshire, and the duke and duchess had both caught a bought of it. It wasn't anything life-threatening, but it had kept them both in bed the better part of the week, and Aldhein had taken the opportunity to observe and guide as young Ricky took the reins for a while. As such, Armion had been somewhat out of the loop for the month so far, so Lord Severin had ridden out to brief them on the situation with the brothel. Falidor had known this, anticipating that he'd have to pass Florian's news Nora instead.
But he hadn't expected Alsina to be there as well. Not that he didn't trust his youngest sister to keep her mouth shut if asked, but the health alert would be issued in two days' time--the day after Master Maesflein's arrest, assuming no problems with the warrant--and the baron had requested that the situation be kept hush-hush until Maesflein was locked away, not wanting any widespread panic to provoke any reckless decisions on the man's part.
"Falidor!"
Alsina greeted him with a smile and a small wave. Nora, though, faced him with a knowing look. She was well aware of what sort of news he had, and she wanted it now. She saw no reason to ask Alsina to leave.
So, he wouldn't. "Alsina. Nora, I just spoke with Florian."
"And?"
"He's spoken with some of the women at the brothel. The baron has offered them compensation for the duration of the closure, as well as free consultations with healers or doctors of their choosing."
"Good." That would probably be the last time he heard her say that word for a while. "What of the owner?"
"Unrepentant as we could have guessed. He doesn't realize what trouble he's in; he's still in his house, though the baron has undercover guards in the area just in case."
"And the arrest will be tomorrow."
"Yes." Though not soon enough, he thought. His sister's eyes looked to agree. "How fares Ilvina?"
"Not any better." Nora sighed. "Xeta and Roddie are with her now. She seems most at ease with them, and Aerina says all we can do is keep her comfortable."
Damn. He'd feared as much. "Poor kid."
"Tell me about it." His sister cracked her knuckles, scowling all the while. And once upon a time, he'd thought the angry looks she'd reserved for Ceidrid and Rifden where fearsome enough. "I swear, if it's a soft jury, I'll hang Grayer Maesflein myself."
"Grayer... M-maesflein?"
It was Alsina. Knowing, dreading... fearful? "The b-butcher?"
Despite the summer heat, the air turned to ice. Something was wrong. Falidor never knew what to do with 'wrong'.
Thank God Nora did. "You don't mean..."
NEXT CHAPTER:
October 1, 1184
Alsina's daughter Riala was a tidy, meticulous child who would not have taken kindly to any little half-brothers gnawing on her dolls' feet, even if she rarely played with that particular set of toys any more. But Riala was at school, and Alsina was watching Cenric for the day, and that castle set was probably the most age-appropriate toy in the house that he couldn't ruin too thoroughly for Riala's notice. On days when Cenric was in Alsina's care, Riala and Fenrick walked home with Aydelle's daughter Leina, who would then take the baby to her mother at the castle, so Alsina could easily put back the toys and wipe the drool off before Riala got home without leaving Cenric alone long enough for him to get antsy.
Of course, there was always the risk of tiny teeth marks... "Sweetie, don't bite too hard."
"If you're worried that Riala will find out, I can bring over a few things little Celina's grown tired of." That was easy for Nora to say. She may not have had an official occupation of her own, but she did help out with the dealings of her shire where she could, and when she couldn't, there was always a grandchild or step-grandchild with whom she could occupy herself. Aside from the housekeeper, Alsina was alone for most of the day, unless she had Cenric. When she didn't have Cenric, she found there was very little to do around the house, so she'd taken to frequenting all the shops she could find.
Buying some toys for him was her planned Thursday project. "It's fine. Celina's still at the age where her interest might rekindle."
"You're going shopping again, then." Nora sighed. With a dead father and an ill mother and three younger siblings to care for, Alsina's older sister had gained a frugality that never failed to annoy. Even after Nora had married her lord--and would never want for anything again--any coppers that didn't have to be spent weren't. "Don't you ever get bored, either shopping or sitting around, waiting for everyone else to get home?"
Alsina shrugged. "Yes, but not much else sounds any more interesting."
All she got for that admission was a raised eyebrow. "There must be something."
"But there isn't."
"You can't tell me there's not even one good book in the house."
"There might be, but I don't read well enough to make it worth the trouble." Good thing Aldhein read well enough to have taught the children. If Alsina was honest with herself, she wasn't sure if there was a story told that could keep her attention long enough for a sufficient distraction anyway. "And don't suggest I take up some sort of sport or try painting or volunteer at the university or anything else. I've considered it all."
"You could not have possibly considered every feasible activity known to man." Perhaps she was right, but Alsina had never been the most imaginative of people. How much easier everything could have been if she had. "What about--?"
"No."
Nora sank back in the couch, eyes rolling back beneath their lids. Easy for her to say there was always something to be done. She wasn't old before her time. Her husband hadn't knocked up a younger woman on the side, even if the product of that betrayal had grown on Alsina. The only permanent goal Alsina had to work toward these days was trying to forgive Aldhein, and it was tough to make active progress when he wasn't around. What did Nora know of that?
"Ah!" Cenric dropped the doll into the castle and giggled. He must have liked the clunking wood-on-wood sound. "Ah!"
"Finished with that for now?" Alsina got out of her chair and lifted the kid into her arms. Much as she felt obligated to keep him occupied, she liked it best when he wasn't. That way, she had a direct focus.
"There's a good boy. How about some apple sauce?"
NEXT CHAPTER:
March 26, 1184
"So... thanks for helping out today."
It was insufficient gratitude and Aldhein knew it. He'd be going all out with Alsina's birthday present, and her Christmas present, and every random present he could get her between. And then the same all next year, and the year after. He still wasn't sure if that would be enough.
What sort of wonderful soul was so willing to swallow her own bruised feelings and help out with another woman's delivery of her husband's bastard? Especially when she herself was unlikely to conceive again and not pleased about that fact?
But Alsina just flashed a small smile. She was still angry with him--probably would be for a while--but she might as well have said it was the least she could have done. How? "Well... Aydelle and the baby needed the help, didn't they? I may be angry with Aydelle, but I don't want her hurt or dead.
"And little Cenric didn't conceive himself. It would be unreasonable to hold any of this against him, even if I'm not as comfortable with him as I'd like to be one day." As she'd like to be. What in God's name had Aldhein done to deserve this woman? More likely that he didn't. "I mean... he's the closest thing I'll ever have to another child, isn't he?"
"What about grandchildren?"
"Grandchildren are different. You love them and love them and love them, but at the end of the day, you still have to hand them back to their parents."
And she would have known that from watching Aldhein with his grandchildren from Eilyssa. But weren't they practically her grandchildren too? She was the closest they had to a grandmother now--and even though she wasn't much older than their mother, she'd never failed them there. If she really wanted to be a second mother to Aldhein's new little son, she'd do it, and she'd do it well. Alsina didn't do family halfway. That was a cue Aldhein had to take.
"Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?"
"Mmm... just avoid getting in trouble from now on, all right? I'll forgive you eventually." That was sooner than he'd been expecting. God damn. "Nora got me in touch with Lord Severin's stepmother. She went through a similar thing, and she's given me some good advice. Once I heal up a bit more, I hope I'll be able to make the most of it."
"I know you will." He slung his arm around her shoulder and gently tugged her toward him. He wouldn't have blamed her if she pulled away, but she didn't. Guilty though he was, he felt better than he had in months.
"You've already been better about this than any of us could have hoped for. Aydelle and Cenric won't forget that. I know I won't."
NEXT CHAPTER:
March 26, 1184
The usual timing suggested it had to be soon, and Alsina had been bracing herself for a week now. Her husband was going to be a father again. She would try to cope, even try to care about the baby. What else could she do? She could be as angry with Aldhein and Aydelle as the situation merited, but nobody asked to be born. Surely no one asked to be born a bastard to a married man and a fast woman! If there was another victim here, it was the baby.
She'd had months now. She'd thought she was as ready as she'd ever be. But she hadn't anticipated walking past Aydelle's house on her way out of the shire and meeting the screams along the way. "Aydelle?"
"Oh, Alsina!" Near the couch, Aydelle turned about, body tensed and face strained. She must have found that pacing about helped; Alsina had noticed the same in the early part of her last labor. "Thank God you're here!"
Aydelle and her were not so close that a mere social call brought such a response. "The baby's coming, isn't it?"
"It is." She reached behind her head and rubbed at her neck. The slight crouch that followed did little to minimize her full middle. "Don't look in the kitchen. Just... don't."
Alsina shuddered. Aldhein could clean that up when he arrived. His presence couldn't have been the first priority, though. "Do you want me to run and fetch Arydath?"
"No. Stay with me. It should be a few hours yet, but... just in case." So there was a chance, however remote, that she alone would be here to deliver her husband's bastard. Great. "The girls will be home from school in a few minutes. Leina can run for Aldhein, and Hanna can take the horse to fetch Arydath. And maybe she could get Princess Camaline too--she's a friend."
"All right. I'll tell them when they get here." And with any luck, it wouldn't be long. It seemed about the time Fenrick got home; surely Aydelle's girls wouldn't have taken any longer?
"Thank you--ooooh!"
Her teeth gritted, Aydelle clutched her stomach--the first contraction of Alsina's visit. It didn't sound like a big one. Good. She couldn't escape involvement in this, but at least she wouldn't have to do it alone. "Let's just get you comfortable, all right?"
NEXT CHAPTER:
November 16, 1183
"I can't say I was expecting you." Aydelle slipped herself onto the bench at the end of the table, the current state of her bump just enough to show but not enough to impede. Alsina pulled back her leg beneath her skirt to avoid a collision with the other woman's; she may have come of her own accord, but there was a point to which she still needed to keep her distance. "Not that I'm not pleased to see you, of course, but--"
"Yes, I know." Alsina tried to force a smile, but her mouth wouldn't cooperate. "I just... well, I have to go to Veldorashire later, and your house was on the way, so..." No. Or yes? It seemed the least familiar thing she could say, at least without lying to the mother of the closest thing to another child she could of ever hope of having. Somehow, My nephew dropped by this morning to tell me that my oldest brother has a new daughter, so I decided to tackle two unpleasant visits at once rather than spread them out over several days of misery was a little personal. "...here I am."
"I see. Well, it was nice of you to call." But her eyes begged Why?.
Alsina figured there was little point in not answering. "I thought we could discuss some sort of arrangement."
"Oh." Aydelle's lashes narrowed as she swept Alsina over. It was a feeling not unlike the first few times Aldhein had walked in on her in the path--nerve-wracking and exposed. "You mean... you and me and Aldhein?"
Eh? "What?"
"What?"
What? Whatever. Squirming, Alsina nudged one leg of her seat with the side of her foot. "Well, the baby will have to stay with you while you're nursing, but after you've weaned, how often do you think we should house it?"
"You want to house it?"
Had that come out wrong? Alsina swallowed. She thought she'd implied a shared guardianship... "Oh, not all the time; it's your baby, after all. But with parents in separate households, I thought that some sort of established schedule would be in order, at least until it's old enough to decide for itself."
"Oh. Yes, of course. Forgive me, I just hadn't thought..." Aydelle twisted her lips into a grimace, but her eyes were a bit more hopeful. "I'm sorry. I sort of assumed that you wouldn't be interested. I wouldn't blame you if you weren't."
Not for the first time, Alsina wondered if that would have been easier. But it was her last chance, and there was still mothering in her yet. She couldn't not take it.
NEXT CHAPTER:
October 14, 1183
"Do you want something?"
It was the first thing Alsina had said to Aldhein since she'd set him down and told him she had some news. She'd ended up running off crying and--given everything else--he'd let Nora follow instead of going after him herself. It turned out to have been the right decision. Nora had returned shortly, and, with Alsina's blessing, told him what the problem was.
Bad timing indeed.
At least Nora was still in the sitting room, if anything else went wrong. Even at the best of times, Aldhein often found it difficult to navigate around his wife--not as difficult as it was around most people, to the point where he sometimes preferred not to bother with tact, but difficult enough. "I just wanted to see if you were all right."
"Well, I'm not. I'm old before my time and my husband fathers babies on younger women behind my back."
"You're not old." Why would she think she was old? She was only three years older than Aydelle, and he thought Alsina the younger-looking. Even when next to the duchess or the baroness or any of Eilyssa's friends, an unknowing soul would never guess Alsina to be the eldest. Every body had parts that were bound to age more quickly than others. Alsina still had her good looks--and luckily, given what else he'd heard could cause courses to cease, her vital organs as well.
As for the other thing... "And I'm an idiot. I swear to you, I'll never sleep with anyone but you again."
"A little late now."
That it was. But what was he to do about it now? Some mistakes couldn't be unmade. "The money aside, I haven't promised Aydelle anything. She said she'd understand if I wanted to keep my distance; I won't acknowledge the baby if you'd prefer I didn't."
"No. It's the last baby you'll ever have. If you want to acknowledge it, I don't want to be the one who stops you."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." There wasn't a note of happiness in that voice, but nonetheless it did not waver. Her mind was made up, and her heart was honest. "Love the baby. I still have more mothering in me; I want to learn to love it too."
NEXT CHAPTER:
October 9, 1183
"The change?" If Nora's sister had been at all prone to stuttering or not speaking clearly, she would have had to ask her to repeat that. Maybe her own hearing was starting to go. "Is she sure?"
"She and her mother both." Alsina kicked at the couch's frame. In a better circumstance, Nora ought to have scolded her--the piece was a remnant of Lady Alina's collection--but she'd let it slide today. "I mean, she said it's probably still the transition phase, so I might not be done with courses entirely, but... still!" Another kick, this one casting the couch slightly askew. Not unimpressive. "I'm thirty-four! I'm not old enough for this! Hell, Thetis is older than me, and she's expecting a baby in January!"
"People's bodies are different." Nora gestured toward the other couch cushion, but Alsina didn't take it. She couldn't blame her. Anger did as it pleased, and sometimes, anger just wanted to keep standing.
And allowing that anger the seethe? It was a greater kindness than trying to force happiness.
"Remember when I got my first course, and you were so upset because I got mine at twelve while yours didn't come until you were fourteen? Well, I was upset because I thought I'd have to put up with mine for longer than you would. So much for thinking that now."
Nora squirmed, all too mindful of the belt beneath her shift and the cloth pad between her thighs. She was eight years her sister's elder and her courses still maintained the regularity of her twenties. She'd always assumed that by the time this happened to Alsina, she would have been able to tell her sister what to expect. Now their positions would be reversed, and who knew if Alsina would ever make her peace with that. "I'm sorry you're going through this."
"Don't be. It's God I'm pissed at. Well, God and Aldhein." Alsina scowled, but only a second. Her mouth softened to resigned, melancholy frown. "Is that why Aldhein slept with Aydelle? Do you think he could sense it? That I was getting old and dried up?"
"What?" Nora shook her head, brows in knots. She may not have known a thing about the change, but she did know absurdity when she heard it. "You're not old and dried up!"
Alsina sniffed. "Well, you would say that. You're my sister. You're supposed to try to make me feel better, even when it's bound to be futile."
"I mean it, though. Besides, even if you were, how would Aldhein know? Men are idiots when it comes to our bodies!"
"Then why did he do it?"
If only Nora had an answer to that. She wasn't sure there was one. "I don't know. But don't blame yourself for his lack of judgment."
"She is younger than me. Maybe every man just needs a younger woman, and I should just live with that."
"No, they don't. Younger doesn't mean better." And Aydelle was barely younger than Alsina anyway. "It's rotten luck that two shitty things had to happen to you one after another. Two independent shitty things. If you connect one to the other, that'll cause more misery than the sum of both parts." Not that misery had much of a record for obeying the laws of mathematics, but it was the best enforcement she could offer.
Well, that, and maybe the one thing that no one ever said when things went wrong, and the one thing she'd spent many a depressing day wishing someone just would.
She stood and up and pulled her sister in for a hug. "It's nothing you did, and don't feel guilty about feeling cheated. Don't feel like you have to be all right with it. Some things are shit. Anyone who doesn't feel down when things are shit is in serious denial, or they never cared enough to be able to tell the difference."
NEXT CHAPTER:
October 8, 1183
"Arydath."
"Hello, Alsina," Arydath greeted her caller of the day, as heralded by Tarien's steward a few minutes prior. Alsina wasn't someone Arydath had expected to see any time soon--not so soon after her husband had knocked up Aydelle Ildaras--but she was still young, and it had been a reasonable amount of time since her youngest had been born, so Arydath had dismissed the unexpected visit as not too unusual.
Oddly enough, though... well, whether a woman was showing or not, Arydath could sense a pregnancy within minutes, and rarely was she wrong. It wasn't impossible that she was, of course. That said, she'd seen Alsina during all of her previous pregnancies, carried to term and otherwise. She'd never had an issue telling before.
"What seems to be the problem?"
"Uh, well..." The younger woman clasped her hands together, wedding band spinning between her fingers. Angry as she might have been at Aldhein, she must have had some hope if she was still wearing it at all. "I haven't had a course in a while, so I assumed I was pregnant, but I haven't been sick or gotten bigger or anything."
The stress of Aydelle's baby, perhaps? Aydelle had said she'd told Aldhein near the end of August, which was plenty of time for Alsina to have missed a course if Aldhein hadn't wasted any telling her. "Sometimes stress can cause missed courses. With your husband's situation, that seems like the most likely explanation."
Alsina swallowed. "Yes, well... it's been a bit longer than that..."
Well. That was odd. "When was your last course?"
"I don't know. Beginning of June, end of May? They'd been a bit sporadic for a while before that too."
Huh. That sounded strangely like the latter part of the previous year for Arydath herself. Things had not exactly been pleasant since. "How old are you?"
"Thirty-four." That... wasn't unheard of. But surely there must have been some other explanation... "Is it possible that Aldhein caught something from some other woman, then passed it along to me?"
"I haven't heard of anything like that stopping courses, but I suppose it's not impossible."
In this business, sometimes it seemed there was little that was. "I have a few more questions, but do you mind if I fetch my mother for a second opinion? If it's bad news, then I don't want to trouble you before I know for sure."
NEXT CHAPTER:
