In Which Abrich Does Not Frown Upon

December 8, 1201

"Brother."

"Sister." Abrich leaned in for an exchange of pecks to the cheek. Among the three siblings alongside whom he'd mostly grown up, he'd always had himself pegged as the least remarkable, with Lorn being the heir and late the duke, Xeta being the clever one with the auburn curls who'd been poised to become Lady Veldora, and Rona being... well, Rona. He'd suspected that Lorn and Rona, at least, agreed with him there; they'd never disregarded him, exactly, but their wants had always taken precedence in their relationship with him, feeling it wasn't much in his nature to be passionate about anything other than girls he couldn't have.

Xeta, though, had never asked a thing of him. It may just have been that she could get whatever she wanted for herself, but she just gave and gave and gave some more. Even now, when she was in the not-exactly-respected position of 'widow with three bastards living with another widow with whom she may or may not be engaging in sapphism', much of any conversation he had with her ended up focusing on how he was, because she kept drawing him out of her shell in that earnest, gentle way she always had. If she had any grievances of her own, she made no show of it to him.

He wished she would. She may have been the best sibling to him, but he'd been a better brother to Lorn and Rona. Abrich could give, but he had to be prompted--and Xeta was too kind to do so.

And not just to him, if the woman he'd crossed paths with just outside the door had been any indication. "I didn't know you and Lettie still visited, what with Jadin gone and her divorce from Searle."

"Well, we didn't used to visit much, to be honest. We always got along, but I already had an established group of friends by the time she arrived in Naroni, and she's something of a loner anyway." She shook her head--as if Camaline hadn't already proven Xeta's soft spot for 'loners'. "But after she had Sparron, Raia pointed out to me that she might need someone to talk to--who understood somewhat."

"Oh." He'd forgotten that Lettie too had a fatherless child. But... "You at least have Camaline, though."

"Hence the 'somewhat'. But I know enough about getting curious looks from strangers and hearing hushed whispers that you just know would be said to your face if it weren't for the fact that you have powerful relatives." She rolled her eyes--blue eyes, like their father's. Abrich remembered little of his father, apart from Xeta's blue eyes. She'd been the only one to inherit them. "Anyway, we bonded over that, then we started discussing politics and sciences and other things we both find interesting, and we ended up becoming quite good friends--even if I doubt she'll ever be as much of a social butterfly as Lyssie or Rona."

Abrich shrugged. Not being one himself, there was a self-preservative urge to add to that. "That's not necessarily a bad thing, though."

"It's not, no. In fact, she's sometimes a refreshing contrast. I just wish I could do more to help her, for all she'd insist she didn't need it."

Abrich frowned. His sister--giving, and giving, and giving some more. "I'm sure you do what you can."

"Well, I can empathize to an extent, and I know that's better than nothing." And yet, that sigh suggested she didn't. "It's her living situation that worries me, mainly. She only has Sparron and Severin, and then when Severin marries, there will be his family. She has no one her own age there--no one with comparable life experience, no one who's lost people like she has."

"Hmm. I suppose." But even then, not many lost people like Lettie had lost Searle--and that had made her a pariah long before her mystery child existed. A pity, though. It shouldn't have been frowned upon, cutting ties with someone who made you miserable.

Lord knew he wouldn't have blamed Meraleene if she'd ever wanted to cut ties with him.

Not one day had passed since his wife's death that he prayed he'd done right by her for at least a little while before the end. He'd made progress--even loved her eventually--but it might not have been enough. She might have wanted more. She'd certainly deserved more.

What a cruel thought it was, that denying something so clearly inadequate yielded such a hopeless chance of ever attaining better.

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Prior Sees Something More in the Pattern

March 30, 1199

"Finally got them down for their nap?" Prior asked as Xeta returned to Geneva's room. He'd been tasked with watching the oldest of his younger half-sisters (for all he had zero interest in knowing exactly how the girls had come to be) while Xeta put the twins down for their nap. Turned out, that had been quite the lengthy process.

He didn't mind too much, though. He'd be married before the year was up; he'd be well served, getting used to entertaining children again.

"'Finally' is right. Every time I think one of them is finally drifting off, the other one has to start crying and wake her." Xeta sighed. "For your sake, I hope all of yours come one at a time."

"Twins do seem to run in my family, though," Prior mused as he pulled himself to his feet; it was a small castle, and Geneva would prefer it if her mother sat beside her.

"That's true. There's your father and your aunt, and--" Xeta stopped. Prior couldn't blame her; it was a large family to keep track of.

"My aunt's daughters? Her first two with Fred."

"Ah, yes. Thank you." Her smile was a little large for a simple reminder, but Xeta did have a bit of a strange streak to her. "Neva's family isn't drowning in twins, though, so maybe you'll get lucky."

"Maybe. But whatever size batches they come in, I don't know if I feel right about putting Neva through too many pregnancies if she isn't eager for them herself. I know we'll need at least one, but I'm not going to envy her those nine months." Though, some women did seem to have easier pregnancies than others--and if it ran in families, then it was a lucky thing Neva's mother and sister hadn't struggled so far as he was aware. Still. "It just... seems like such a rougher process than it should be. I suppose my mother is lucky, really--having only had to go through it once."

Xeta frowned. "Once?"

Eh? Xeta had carried both Geneva and the twins--she seemed to actually enjoy being pregnant, and she was a little younger. "Um, yes. Me."

"Oh! Oh, yes of course." There was something odd about her blush, something in the pattern of the swell, the wideness it gave her eyes. Something a little more than embarrassment. "Ah, sorry, I just... you've always been so grown up, I sort of forget that you were a child. And your mother! She's so unchanging and ageless."

"Right." Nice try, Aunt Xeta. But what was she covering up? His mother would have told him if she'd had another child. She might not have been the most conventionally maternal of women, but surely she wouldn't have let any child of hers go unacknowledged? Or at least, without proper care?

"A silly slip, though--and not just for the obvious reasons." Xeta smiled again--too widely, too brightly. "You look more like your father every day."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Alina Is a Big Sister

January 26, 1195

"She's so cute!" Alina waved at the tiny little baby in Auntie Camaline's arms, grey eyes like their sister Celina's staring back at her. She'd been a sister all almost-seven years of her life, but she'd never been a big sister before. She'd never thought she would be! Her poor father had died when she was a baby, and now her mother was married to Auntie Camaline (though she wasn't supposed to tell anyone that, for some reason she didn't quite get but was probably stupid). Almost seven was old enough to know that Auntie Camaline couldn't give her mother a baby.

And yet, here a baby was, fresh from her mother's womb! Yes, she'd wondered how it had gotten there, without any men around, but now that her sister--her little sister!--was here, she didn't care. "What's her name?"

"Her name is Geneva," her mother answered from the bed, bringing a smile to Auntie Camaline's lips. "For Auntie Camaline's mother. A pity she didn't get the violet eyes, though."

Auntie Camaline laughed, though Alina didn't get it. How could the baby have gotten Auntie Camaline's violet eyes, anyway? "Nothing wrong with this marble grey. She does wear them splendidly--don't you agree, Alina?"

"I think she'd be cute with any color eyes. Even yellow!" Well, maybe not yellow. Or maybe yellow? Ah, what did it matter--she didn't have yellow eyes! "Hello, Geneva. We're going to have so much fun when you're a little bigger!"

Geneva gurgled. Alina pretended she'd meant to say 'Yes, we will!'.

"I'm going to teach you everything I know. And if any other kid makes fun of you, I'll box them."

Her mother gasped. "Alina!"

But Auntie Camaline smiled. "Now, now. There are worse things a little girl can have than a protective big sister."

Big sister.

She loved the sound of that. "That's right. I'm your big sister."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Camaline Shies from the Blunt Explanation

March 28, 1194

"Um... I did something stupid."

Understatement of the year--to the point where Camaline didn't even know where to start aside from that preface. How would Xeta even take it? Hell... how did she even say it?

Xeta, at least, merely tilted her head, a frown of slight concern on her pretty lips. "What did you do?"

God. She didn't think she'd ever had quite so much trouble answering a question in her life. "I went to see Deian."

"Deian?" That frown deepened. Obviously, Camaline had returned... well, in one piece, she supposed, if somewhat altered temporarily. God, she hoped he'd been telling the truth when he'd said 'temporary'! "Why did you want to see Deian?"

"Because... well, because I know you want another baby."

"Oh." Xeta flushed. Shouldn't have said that, maybe. She'd be blaming herself for Camaline's lack of judgment. "Cammie, I don't need another baby--certainly not if it couldn't be yours."

"Regardless, I wanted to see if there was anything that could be done."

"But surely there couldn't have been."

She ought to have thought just that before she'd gone to see that creature. Then, she wouldn't be having this conversation. "Well, it turns out there was something he could do--and of course he did it without asking me first."

"Oh?" Her wife raised an eyebrow. "What was it?"

"He, uh..." Shit. Never before had Camaline been one to shy away from the blunt explanation. She supposed there was a first for everything. "He, er... temporarily--temporarily--uh, reconfigured parts of my anatomy."

She wasn't sure whether or not she wanted that to be enough. Nonetheless, Xeta's eyes lit with realization. "Oh!"

'Oh' indeed. "Pretty much."

"Would you mind if I felt it?"

Camaline blinked. That... certainly hadn't been the first response she'd expected. "I suppose..."

Xeta lept to her feet and drew closer, reaching for the gap between Camaline's legs. An amused grin broke Xeta's face as she felt it--and, in spite of the velvet skirt and the altogether alien nature of it all, Camaline did not find the touch unpleasant.

"Well! Based on my limited experience with these, I'm inclined to say Deian was quite generous."

Beneath her skin, Camaline's flesh burned. "Uh..."

"Ah, I've made you uncomfortable. Sorry." Xeta took her by the arms and planted a kiss to her lips. That did little for the blushing. "I can't believe you did that for me."

"Well, to be fair, he didn't bother to ask before he went ahead and did it."

"Regardless, it was quite the gesture on your part to seek him out in the first place. I hope you know I never would have asked it of you."

"I know." Though, the way those blue eyes sparkled, she couldn't say she would have mind if she had. "Anyway, now that it's happened, uh... what do you think?"

Xeta stepped in again, one hand to Camaline's back, another to her hair. "I think I want to have a baby with you."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Xeta Needn't Apologize

February 27, 1194

"Feeling better?"

Xeta nodded. She was--physically. Just a nauseous spell. "Yes, thank you."

"You think you'll be all right to work tomorrow?"

"I should be, yes." She had to be. The recently-graduated Riona Sadiel had taken over her sister Hilla's old position, but they'd yet to find a new alternate teacher.

They'd need to get on that, though. Riona would be getting in a week, and after weddings came...

"You look pensive."

Shit. She'd thought she'd gotten over that. She had to be over that. "Really?"

"Yes, really." Camaline rolled her eyes and joined her on the bed. Shuffling, Xeta struggled to correct whatever vibe she'd given off. "I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"Mmm..." Xeta frowned. There were a few reasons why Camaline wouldn't want to hear it. But, if she didn't, she'd worry. Xeta didn't want that. "I was just... well, that nauseous spell just reminded me a bit of... well, morning sickness."

"Oh." Camaline--thank God!--didn't leap to accusations. They shared sheets, after all. It hadn't been long enough since Xeta's last course to expect anything, even if she had been sleeping with a man. Which--it was good to know that Camaline was sure of--she wasn't. "A nostalgic reminder?"

"A little, yes." Damn. She wouldn't trade Camaline for a man, not just so she could have another baby. But... "I guess I still have to come to terms with the fact that that's over for me."

It hit her just then that that might have rung just a little too true for Camaline. Stupid! "Sorry, I--"

"It's all right." Smiling, Camaline took Xeta by the shoulder and pulled her into a cuddle. Her closeness and warmth was enough to ease any remaining queasiness.

"There's no sense in apologizing for feelings. You've done nothing wrong."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Camaline Accepts the Happiest Secret

December 25, 1193

"So," Camaline began as she twirled away from the candle she'd just snuffed and spun herself into Xeta's arms, "I think a nice quiet Christmas was the right choice."

It had been. Xeta's family hadn't needed the stress of some colossal event, and on her own side, the only person Camaline had felt any burning need to see on Christmas was her son; Prior had called earlier in the day and stayed for brunch.

"It was. My mother seemed at peace, which is more than I'd dared hope for this year." Xeta kissed her--quickly, but with a long, contented following moan. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"And you know that I'm in this all the way, right?"

Huh?

"Us, I mean?"

Them? Had she really been doubting it? Camaline laughed. "Of course I know that! I know you wouldn't consciously string me along, or just use me to keep from getting bored while making me believe you cared for me. You're not the kind of person who would do that."

Xeta sighed--relieved this time. "I'm so glad to hear it. Still--I'd like to make you a gesture."

"What sort of gesture?" They were already living together. For a couple like them, what could have come next?

"Well, I was talking to my mother, and..." Xeta took her by the hands, her touch soft and warm as the first day Camaline had felt it. "...remember how you told me about Searle and Sparron? And Searle told me about Casimiro and Brother Sieron?"

Camaline nodded. "It does help to have a community; I think even Sparron would have had to admit that."

"Well... see, I was thinking we could go and talk to Brother Sieron." The squeeze around Camaline's hands tightened. "He is a Man of God, after all. Maybe it wouldn't be legally binding by the laws of man, but if he could help us make a commitment before God..."

Camaline's heart stopped a minute--then resumed at twice its usual speed. The laws of man had not caught up to the truth of love and human nature. It would likely be centuries before they did. But if the God of Sieron was a God of truth and love...

"Are you... asking me to marry you?"

Xeta blushed. "If you'll have me. I mean, it will have to be a secret to most people, but it will still mean something to us, and to those who do know."

It would have to be a secret.

But, it would be the happiest secret that ever was. "Let's go to Sieron tomorrow morning."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Celina Owes It to Her Daughters

December 24, 1193

"I do like what you two have done with the place," Celina assured her daughter, noting Xeta's anxious grimace. "Simple, yet comfortable."

The family had collectively agreed to keep Christmas quiet this year, since it was the first Christmas without Ovrean and Riona, and now the first Christmas without one of Rona's closest friends as well. Celina was staying with Xeta and Camaline at the new cottage. The rest of her children would more or less keep to their own immediate families.

"I'm glad you approve, Mother."

Somehow, Celina didn't think she was just talking about the decor. But after all these years, all Celina really wanted from the people her children loved was that they keep them happy. Besides--after Ashe, Camaline had little shock value to offer. "You're both liking it here?"

"Yes. But..." Xeta sighed. Celina crossed her arms, concerned. Certainly, Camaline had given her no impression of anything out of the ordinary. "Mother, have you ever worried that someone you love might not realize how serious you are about them?"

Celina raised an eyebrow. From all she'd seen, Camaline looked at Xeta like the bright morning star. "Surely the fact that you agreed to live with her clued her in."

"Yes, but... I don't know. I mean, I thought I was just attracted to men before I noticed Camaline. And I'm still attracted to men--just not exclusively. But Camaline's only ever been attracted to women. It's a bit difficult for us to fathom each other's experiences there."

"Perhaps--but I don't see what that has to do with your concern about her not knowing your feelings."

"I don't know. Maybe she thinks I'm flaky." She sighed again. Sighing, Celina had learned over the years, was not a good sign for anyone. It was hopelessness, resignation. At least anger could be productive. "Or that I'm just occupying myself with her until another man comes along. Is it just in my head?"

"Judging by how Camaline looks at you? Absolutely." A pity that Xeta couldn't see that! Then again, when Celina had been younger, she'd had no idea just how strongly Dalston had felt about her. "But if you're really concerned about it, Xeta, just talk to her. Assure her that that's not the case."

"I guess that's the logical way to go about it. I kind of want to make a gesture, though. She makes so many gestures for me."

"Then make a gesture."

"But I don't know if I can come up with something good enough!"

"Then let me help you." Celina pulled her daughter in for a hug. Earlier this year, she'd lost one of her daughters. She owed it to Riona to do her best to keep the others as happy and well-loved as possible. "I think I have an idea."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Xeta Has a Home

February 27, 1193

Xeta had never been afraid of her father in law, exactly, but there was something intimidating about just how... himself he was. She'd always found Lord Severin to be on some different level of existence than most men, as if he were more of an idea, or a monument, than an actual human being. He wouldn't have been flattered to hear that, but it was true nonetheless. He'd never quite felt real to her, and knowing that, she usually made a point not to be alone with him.

But she'd been putting off talking to him for nearly two months now. Her stepfather had been gone for half that time, and they'd buried him and mourned him and they were expected to move on with their lives. For Xeta's part, she'd been inspired by Ovrean's steady ease even in his final hours, determined to be happy regardless of life or death or any more trivial things mankind flung about. She'd lived in the shadows long enough.

"So... what do you think?"

"I think it's your life, and it's not my right to stop you from living it as you see fit." Lord Severin's eyes glinted, as if he'd thought it too obvious an answer to even merit a question. Xeta fought to keep from swallowing. She hadn't told him that she and Camaline were lovers--but why did she get the sense that he knew? "I realize that life here has been difficult for you since Jadin passed. I'd imagine it's been the same for Camaline at Tetran. If the two of you would be happier living elsewhere, I understand entirely."

"Thank you." She pinched the fabric of her gown beneath her fingers. It was an old dress, a timeless favorite of hers, but the comfort in the color blue had died with Jadin. Perhaps it was time for a change in wardrobe as well. Her blue gowns would mean more for her daughters, when they grew. "But what are your thoughts about where my children should go?"

"Well, we know we won't have to worry about Lyssa. She can stay where she likes in the short time between her graduation and her wedding. Alina, I believe, is still young enough that she ought to be with her mother, for all it seems she needs a new set of dresses every other week these days."

Xeta let herself giggle. They did grow quickly at that age. "All right."

"It would be easier for Dalston to remain here, as my heir. But, ultimately, I believe that he and Wolf and Celina should make that decision for themselves."

Xeta nodded. Dalston, she knew, would feel duty-bound to stay at Veldora. Wolf too would probably stay, a simple country cottage insufficient to the demands of his endless energy. Celina, she wasn't quite sure about; a quiet cottage would suit her better than the hustle and bustle of the keep, but she'd never been one for change.

"Though, they would of course be welcome to come and go as they please, between here and your new home."

"Yes. Camaline and Octavius have a similar understanding with Prior."

"Good. And, of course, you will always have a home here if you need one." Her father-in-law dropped his arms to his sides and smiled. On Jadin, that smile had been a friendly, loving beam focused on her and her alone; with his father, it didn't feel that he was so much smiling at Xeta as he was at the prospect of a better world ahead. Not that that was any horrible reason to grin, but it would have been nice to be more than just a detail in the grandiose picture of his mind.

Then again... she had Camaline for that now. And she wouldn't trade Camaline for anyone's special favor. And she didn't think she'd ever need another home again.

All the same, it had been good of him to offer. "Thank you."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Xeta Will Think About It

January 17, 1193

"Mmmm... what time is it?"

"Not quite sunrise, it looks like," Xeta muttered, head nudged just enough to see the barely-there light from Camaline's bedroom window. Tetran was the better place for the two of them to meet, without any current residents who could fairly be called children and fewer people overall besides. Xeta had called after the dinner hour and been offered a room for the night; she'd sneak back to it before morning.

"Good. I wanted to ask you something."

"I'm listening."

"All right. You see, now that Prior's older, I've decided it might be time for me to leave Tetran Keep." Camaline ran a toe up Xeta's lower leg. Her skin made the luxurious bedding an old sack in comparison. "My father-in-law has given me a decent-sized cottage about ten minutes' walk from here. Prior has to stay here as the heir, but that's close enough that I'll see him more days than not."

"That's good." Never mind that if Camaline had her own house... well, Xeta wouldn't have to sneak back to the guest bedroom before the servants woke.

"Yes, but..." A sheepish smile on her face, Camaline reached across the bed and met Xeta's fingers. "...the house is a little big for just one person."

"Ah. Well, I suppose there will always be the staff--oh." Xeta's face warmed. How had she not gotten that? "You want me to come with you?"

"Well... I'd like you to think about it, at least. Your children would be welcome too, of course. Issa will be my maid and housekeeper, and you know she knows. Since Penna knows too, we could make her the second member of our staff. I don't think anyone would think too much of it--two friends, both widows, living together."

"No, probably not." It was a not-unheard-of practice among the commoners, two widows combining their households for financial practicality. Surely two noblewomen could get away with it as well, for companionship reasons. "I'll have to talk to my father-in-law, and maybe my children as well."

"Do they know?"

Best she could against the mattress, Xeta shook her head. Her sister knew, following an ill-timed barge into Camaline's office--and bizarrely, Rona found the whole thing normal to the point of almost mundane--but her children did not. "How did you tell Prior?"

"He guessed."

"Mmm. I don't think any of mine are that intuitive." She shuffled to the center of the mattress and met Camaline in the middle. It may have been something to think about, but it made a pretty daydream for now. "I'll find a way to tell them. Then, I'll happily think about it."

NEXT CHAPTER: