In Which Anna Is Not Forgiven

June 16, 1198

Anna fought to hold her ground as her eldest joined her in the study. He'd returned home for the break that morning, looking to have fared well during his first two terms at the university, healthy and rested as she could have hoped. He greeted his sisters with hugs and his brothers with ruffles to the heads, complete with the musing that little Caelan hadn't had any hair to tousle last he'd seen them. He'd kissed his grandmother on the cheek, then convinced her and his siblings all to hurry off ahead of him to the banquet table for an early lunch.

Upon their departure, he'd taken the opportunity to ask his parents why his Aunt Leara was under the impression that his mother--her own sister--was a teal-eyed blonde.

To that... well, all Anna and Adrius could do was to tell him to hurry along to the table with the rest of the family, and that Anna would talk to him in private once they had all eaten. Of course he would have run into Mona's family: at the university, through the university, of his own accord, however he'd ended up meeting Leara. They ought to have told him the truth before he'd left, but the question had always been... how? And how many years had it been, now? At some point, their lie had become more truth than not, and every time they'd talked about maybe telling the older children...

So complicated a knot did not easily unravel, even if one knew exactly where to tug--and, at this point, Anna didn't. All she could think to do was to hack away at the knot with a blade, to hell with whatever it held together.

"I suppose I'll start by assuring you that your father knows everything, and that I made sure he did before we were married."

Telvar sighed, unsurprised that she would have thought that a concern. He was his father's son, the clever boy; he'd no doubt mapped it all out in his head already. But, he needed to hear it from her. "All right."

"Look, King Roderick... well, he wasn't the worst man, but he wasn't the smartest." To say the least! "Nor was he the most... enlightened, I suppose. He had expectations of everyone in his life, all based on old archetypes with no place in real life, and he picked for a daughter a life that suited his purposes--not who she was, or what she wanted."

"So she didn't take it." At the very least, he hadn't accused her of stealing it from her. "Where is Ramona now?"

"This minute? At her home, I would presume, with her husband--your Uncle Zareth."

Telvar bit his lip--eyes steeled, but not surprised. Blond hair and teal eyes weren't the only reason he could have guessed that. He'd known who had first accompanied Anna to Carvallon, after all. "Aunt Anna."

Anna nodded. "Though, I suppose you might as well call her 'Aunt Mona' now."

"Then you're Anna."

She felt her skin tense, the sensation of her real name said in her son's voice once a distant dream she'd dared not cling to. It was difficult to imagine a way she wouldn't have preferred to have heard it. "We traded places in the carriage, as the guards weren't to look at us anyway. If it's any consolation at all, it wasn't my idea."

"I never wanted to believe it could have been." But he glanced down to his boots, as if to confess that--if only for a moment--he had. "Does Uncle Zareth know?"

"Yes."

"Anyone else?"

"Your Uncle Searle--and possibly your grandmother, but if she does, she's found it more to her advantage to keep it to herself, and your father and I know better than to mess with her."

"And did you ever plan on telling us?"

Him, and his sisters, and his brothers. Anna sighed. "We wanted to, but... well, as you can see, it's become quite complicated, and the damage wouldn't have been restricted to our own kingdom. King Roderick would have been humiliated, and King Ietrin would have been furious."

"But Queen Medea knows better than to start a pointless conflict over a teenage rebellion that happened twenty years ago--and being a woman in a man's world herself, she'd be bound to see Ramona's reasons for making the switch even if she wasn't known for her rationality. Twenty years is a long time, Mother; sure, there's bound to be talk, but it's not as if anyone can do much about it now, and there's no one in power at the moment stupid or petty enough to try. If nothing else... Mona's children deserve their place in the Naronian line of succession, even if there's barely a chance of them ever inheriting anyway."

"I don't disagree with you." She'd never met Queen Medea, but what she'd heard had been reassuring. How a pig like Ietrin had produced such a daughter, she'd never know.

And how two liars like herself and Adrius had produced this boy...

"I will discuss the possibility of a public drop of the charade with Mona and your father. For now, know that we will tell your sisters tonight, and Lari and Roderick once we figure out how best to explain such things to children." Caelan, at least, could grow up without the lie.

"I'm glad to hear it."

But there was little emotion in his voice, and Anna suspected it was because he couldn't bring himself to feign his proclaimed gladness. There were many things he ought to have felt about this--anger, sorrow, maybe some triumphant smugness--but gladness couldn't have been one of them. "I hope you can forgive me."

"Forgive you?" Brows knotted, he took a step forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm not angry with you, Mother. I'm... confused about the whole thing, and perhaps a little annoyed that you didn't tell me, but I'm not angry--and it isn't as if anything that happened before I was even born could have been done with the intention of harming me personally.

"I don't need to forgive you, Mother. There's nothing for me to forgive."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Telvar Finds It Doesn't Add Up

February 1, 1198

"You're Prince Telvar, right?"

Telvar grimaced. He'd lived in this foreign country for all of half an hour and already someone had recognized him as the Crown Prince of Carvallon. Not that he'd planned on spending four years masquerading as a peasant--not many Carvalli commoners could afford to educate their children in such a far-off land--but he'd hoped to cultivate an identity beyond merely 'prince'. "I am."

"Great! I'm Dalston. I don't know how much your mother talks about the family back here, but I'm your cousin!"

His cousin! Telvar blinked. He'd... never actually met any cousin of his. His father only had one niece, and she and her husband and mother preferred to keep their distance. His mother had many nieces and nephews, but they all lived in Naroni or Dovia. Telvar had never been to Dovia--and he'd never been to Naroni before now. "Really?"

"Really! Our mothers are sisters--well, half-sisters, anyway. My mother is Princess Learianna."

"Ah, right. The Duchess of... Armion?" His overview of Naronian geography must have been sufficient, at least to the point where his cousin gave him a nod. "You're her second son, right?"

"Luckily! I don't know if I'd much care for being duke; knights have much more fun." His cousin smirked, then looked him over quickly. The grey eyes were, apparently, King Roderick's greatest legacy; they'd missed Telvar's mother entirely, but Dalston's mother must have inherited them. "You know, I think I only recognized you by the Carvalli royal colors. You must take after your father's side."

"My father?" That... was not a thing he'd ever thought he'd hear. Not from anyone who had any connection to his mother. Not that Dalston would have met Telvar's mother, but if Dalston's mother had reminded him to keep an eye out for Telvar... "My father is olive-skinned and twilight-eyed. Everyone I know always comments on how much I look like my mother."

"Your mother." Dalston's brow rose. "Isn't your mother blond and teal-eyed?"

Telvar squinted. It had been many years since his mother had seen any of her siblings, save his Uncle Searle in Dovia. Certain facial features may have been difficult to remember after such time. Coloring, surely, was a different case. "No. My mother has my hair color, and my eye color."

"But all of King Roderick's children are blond. My mother said that Queen Ramona was no exception--and she said that Queen Ramona got her mother's eyes, which were teal."

Teal? Not that a child's eyes always matched either parent's--a few of his siblings shared eyes with his grandmother, whose differed from her son's--but from what Telvar had noticed, dark eyes seemed to trump light in more cases than not. Could teal and grey really produce a dark brown? "And King Roderick's were grey, right? Like yours and your mother's?"

"Like mine, at least, and like most of my siblings--but my mother's are violet, like her mother's."

Huh. But if Roderick's grandchildren were prone to the grey eyes in spite of their parents, then how come none of his siblings had grey eyes?

"Your entire family is blond."

His cousin nodded. "My entire immediate family, anyway. Any cousins of mine who don't got it from the parent not related to my grandfather."

"And your mother said my mother was blond."

Another nod. "Blonder than she. My mother's is golden, like her mother's was; she said Aunt Ramona's was a paler blond, like my grandfather's."

Pale blond. Up until today, that had described not one person to whom Telvar was related.

Telvar hadn't come to the university to study mathematics, but anyone inclined to study at all could tell that that didn't add up. "Any chance that I could meet your mother one weekend?"

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Anna Sees How It Would Appear

June 28, 1183

"And Telvar's not the only one getting bigger, I see!" Mona's hands, ruffling Telvar's hair moments before, now rested on Anna's stomach. Seeing as it was Mona, Anna supposed she didn't mind... but she was getting rather sick of all the near-strangers who saw her stomach and felt it was their God-given right to touch, never mind that she was their queen. The midwife said to expect the baby within the week; Anna wasn't sure if she could wait that long. "God, you must be getting tired."

"Only when I'm awake, except when I'm not." Her friend replied with a good-natured smirk. She never would have guessed it would happen when they first arrived in Carvallon, but now that Mona was married and Anna had a less familiar (if admittedly more competent) maid, she missed having her around. Mona visited when she could, as did Adinaye and many of Anna's other friends, but it wasn't quite the same as having an available companion living under the same roof. "So, how have you been?"

"Well enough, I think. A little sick, though."

Oh, really? "Sick, you say?"

Mona laughed. "Oh, you would assume it's that!" But she left it there, though the seconds-long pause left ample room for protest. "Thanks for forwarding my letters, by the way."

"It's no trouble." In all honesty, she just felt guilty about reading the things before she passed them along, but Mona had insisted and she did have a point; Anna was still supposedly Mona, after all, and therefore had to stay in the loop. "I haven't heard from your mother yet. I hope she doesn't take the news of Searle's new daughter too hard."

"Mmm. She might be hurt, but I doubt she was expecting him to name a daughter after her. Besides, grandparents get passed over for names all the time, even without bad blood there."

And yet, 'all the time' didn't seem to be frequent enough for these noble types. Her feet starting to ache, Anna sat down, her bump somehow more prominent than minutes before. "Speaking of names, you don't expect...?"

"Hmmm? Oh, no." A wink Telvar's way--for whatever reason--Mona shook her head as she joined her on the bench. "I don't think anyone expects little Carvalli princes and princesses to be named for the Dovian royals, even if their mother is from Naroni. If you'd named Telvar 'Roderick' or 'Oswald' or 'Farilon', I don't know how many of his future subjects would take him seriously."

"Carvallon does hate Dovia," Anna agreed. An odd thing to be grateful for, but thank God. "Do you think we could get away with naming this one for one of my parents? Adrius didn't object."

"I think you could. The only people who might know both lines well enough to question probably couldn't handle the sunlight if they left their monastery basements after all these years."

"I hope you're right. But if not, Adrius mentioned my mother's name to Devidra, and she said she liked it--and that there's not enough room in this castle for two Devidras anyway."

"There's not enough room for two Devidras on this continent!" Mona cackled. Anna had to smile. It was a pity that Mona and Devidra hadn't spent much time together, really; Zareth would have to invite his sister some time, without Anna and Adrius. Only, Anna thought she might like to see it. "But speaking of names..."

"Oh, so you don't deny that your sickness is that after all?" A little smug--and a little vengeful--Anna reached over to her friend's still-flat stomach. From what she recalled of being Mona's maid, it was a little firm.

Or at least, from what she could gather before Mona swatted her hand away. "I won't deny or confirm a thing. But if it is that, it would seem a little strange if I called the kid Roderick or Laralita, wouldn't it?"

A knight's wife naming children for her king and queen? It wasn't unheard of, or so Anna thought. Then again, if said king and queen's own daughter didn't do the seem, and the two had a known close acquaintance, perhaps it would raise a few brows. "I guess it might."

"There's Zareth's parents, but he says there's no urgency, so it would be up to me." Mona slouched, the fabric of her gown wrinkling as she slid, though if the pattern said anything, she'd been mindful of her middle. "What do you think of Lara for a girl? Or Derrick for a boy?"

Lara. Derrick. Shortened, perhaps... but really, there was no reason that either of those couldn't be a name of its own.

Or couldn't appear to be a name of its own. "I love them both."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Mona Questions the Convenient

December 31, 1181

"Where's Telvar? There he is!"

The little prince erupted into giggles as Mona pulled back her hands and waved them about, showcasing what was no doubt a sillier expression than she would have dared wear in front of anyone else. She didn't care, though--by definition, Telvar was not anyone else. "There he is!"

"Gah! Gah!"

From what she could gather, that was her little buddy's way of saying 'Again! Again!' A little more indulgent than she'd ever been with her younger siblings--or her real nieces and nephews, a twinge of guilt reminded her--Mona flung her hands back in front of her face and let out a mock gasp. "Where's Telvar? Where's Telvar?"

"Well, I find they all look rather alike at that age, but I believe that's him on the rug with you."

"Zareth!" Mortified, Mona scrambled to her feet. If someone had had to barge in, couldn't it have at least been Anna? Someone who had already seen her at her most embarrassing? "Shit!"

Confused, Telvar glanced over at his great-uncle, then back at Mona. "Shit?"

And now 'mortified' wasn't the worst of what she was feeling. "Is that his first word?"

With any luck, he'd been muttering in his sleep for a good month now--as unlikely as that was. "Don't tell his parents."

Vexingly indifferent, Zareth sniffed. "Better to let them think they were there for it, anyway. How are you?"

Mona blinked. Zareth didn't usually make a habit of that sort of small-talk. She hoped it wasn't due to the awkwardness of Christmas Eve, when a handful of smirking servants had cornered them beneath the mistletoe. God, she could have died that night. Not even in her worst nightmares had her lips been so sloppy. He no doubt knew painfully well that that had been her first kiss. "Uh... what...?"

"Za!"

In the awkwardness, Telvar had seized his chance to bum-drag himself off the rug, toward Zareth. He held up his tiny little arms and bounced. "Uh!"

"Up," Mona translated. "He wants to be picked up."

"Are you sure?" Zareth took a knee and gave the kid a pat on the head, but Telvar made no sign of finding the compromise agreeable. "I don't know. I haven't held him since he was little."

"He's still little. And less delicate." At least, that's what she'd told herself when she'd dropped him earlier... "If I can hold him, he shouldn't be a problem for you."

Zareth relented, taking little Telvar under the arms and hoisting him up, but that unconvinced frown remained. "I don't know. I'm not good with kids."

"At least you don't teach them swearwords, right?" She tried a self-deprecating smile, but it was wasted on him, too busy cradling Telvar like he was made of glass. "Or drop them, apparently."

"You dropped him? Why do Anna and Adrius let you babysit?"

"Hey, he's alive, isn't he? What they don't know won't hurt them." It hurt her a little, though. For all she knew, little Telvar was the closest thing to her own child she'd ever have. At least he liked his Auntie Mona, even if she wasn't always careful. "I still don't know why you're here. Supper isn't for hours yet; it's not like you to be early."

"No," he agreed, fighting to mask his annoyance as Telvar swatted at his hair. But maybe it wasn't Telvar he found tiresome. "This just happened to be convenient. I was in the area, and it would have been out of my way to kill time."

"And that's the only reason you're here?"

It couldn't have been longer than a couple seconds before he answered, but as time often did when Zareth was around, the moment dragged on like months. "Yes. Nothing more."

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Mona Keeps Her Dignity

March 25, 1181

"Well, it was very nice meeting you, but I'm afraid I have to head back home now." Searle waved, prompting what Mona guessed was an attempted giggle on Telvar's part. Her brother was about the last person she ever would have expected to be good with small children, but Anna's baby, at least, seemed to like him. "I have a little baby boy of my own, you see--just a few months older than you. And there's his big brother, and his big sister... and your Auntie Ren says there'll be another one in the summer! Fancy that: someone smaller than you."

Telvar cooed, his parents trading smiles as he said his voiceless goodbyes to his new uncle. So-called uncle, at any rate. It was perhaps the first pang of regret Mona had felt over the switch. Any babies she had would never have an uncle, at least not on her side. No aunts or grandparents or little cousins either. She prayed a quick apology on the off-chance the not-yet-dreamed-of could hear.

"It was good seeing you again. Brother," Anna added hastily, no doubt over-conscious of Devidra's presence. "I hope it won't be too long before your next visit."

"Oh, my next visits are typically sooner than anyone wishes them." He let out a self-deprecating chuckle Mona doubted he could have managed if not for the baby. "I don't want this little one to forget me now, do I?"

"He won't."

"I'll hold him to it." He flashed Telvar a mock-stern look. "But I suppose I'll see first if my own boy managed to keep that same promise. Lovely seeing you again, sister--and good meeting you, nephew." He nodded toward Adrius and Devidra in turn; Mona supposed that was the closest he ever got to a bow. "Your majesties. It's been a pleasure."

The royals bid him farewell and he left without so much of a sidelong glance Mona's way, and it stung. They'd said their own private goodbyes, of course, with Zareth stationed outside the door, and while it was better than nothing it was hardly preferable. If only Adrius and Anna could have happened openly; surely no one would have faulted her for that? And surely she wouldn't have to hide, even from her own family?

And surely--

"Are you all right?"

Mona blinked. The royals had vacated the throne room in the time of her momentary slip from reality, leaving only Zareth for company. She would not grant him the satisfaction of her vulnerability. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine." He did seem concerned, if his eyes didn't lie. She wasn't sure what to make of that. He'd scarcely been around lately, and always coming up with some excuse to leave when he was, and never bothering to apologize. His flashes of gentleness had always been few and far between and she didn't know whether she could trust them.

Mona forced herself to remember the night on the ship. She would not confide in him, but if she kept in mind that shining moment, she could rebuff him as a friend. If they were friends. "I am."

"Mona--"

"I insist!" Zareth frowned. Had that been a little too eager? Face warm, Mona shrunk back. "I mean... really. I'm all right. But thank you for your concern. Sir."

He winced. Some vindictive part of her welled with fleeting, hollow pleasure. She'd never called him 'sir' before. She'd never intended to. He must have never intended it either.

"You're not as good a liar as you think you are."

"Who says I think I'm a good liar? Or a liar at all, even, in this particular instance?" Zareth said nothing. Mona would count that silence as a victory. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have plans with my sweetheart."

He sniffed. "And I with mine, come to think of it. I should be going."

"That you should." She jabbed a finger toward the door and waited for him to move, but he didn't. She hated him for it. Of course he would pick now to stay. "Well? Go on."

"Wait."

He took a step forward and reached around her, a slow yet unexpected hug. It was a comfort she hadn't anticipated, an indulgence that could hurt her cause, but she resolved to keep her dignity. She would cry a quick tear and let it fall to his shoulder, so lightly he'd never even know. A single tear. Just the one.

Nothing more.

NEXT CHAPTER:

In Which Anna Is Left to Soothe

March 16, 1181

"Yes, yes," Mona cooed as little Telvar attempted a rudimentary kiss to her nose. "Auntie's nose is much bigger than your cute little one. Auntie's nose is as big as your face!"

From her seat on the couch, Anna offered a strained grimace. Mona's nose wasn't anything to be ashamed of, though certainly it was much larger than Telvar's--but that wasn't the problem. Mona, so far as Anna knew, had no insecurities about her nose or any other part of her body. Anna's discomfort came instead from 'Auntie'. Not that she had any problem with Mona taking the title at this point in their friendship, but she had noticed that Mona was careful not to attach a first name, and she understood why. Regardless of whether Telvar could understand, it couldn't have been in good taste to lie to an infant, but he couldn't know the truth, not when he'd soon be a risk for letting it slip. 'Auntie' could not be 'Auntie Mona'.

It would be many years before Anna's son would know his mother's name.

"I think he knows your nose isn't that big..."

"Does he have a concept of 'big' yet? As far as he knows, I'm just moving my mouth and making funny sounds." Mona lowered Telvar to her elbow and rocked back and forth with a bounce. "Do you like the funny sounds? Yes, you do. Yes, you do!"

Anna sighed. Perhaps she was looking too far forward. For now, she'd try to focus on her relief over Mona being apparently much more of a baby person than she ever would have guessed. "He does seem quite smitten with you."

"Pity he's not a couple decades older, then." Mona kissed the baby's brow, then held him out toward Anna; she rose to her feet and stepped forth to reclaim him. "Sorry, Telvar, but I've already got a fake suitor."

"Oh, don't tell me you're still playing stupid mind games with Zareth."

"I'll stop if he does." Now that was something she could still expect of Mona--that eagerness to present reminders that no, she wasn't so mature after all. "Besides, it's his fault. Just because he has his own place now doesn't mean he can just stop visiting."

"Um... yes it does?"

"Regardless, it's still rude. And selfish! And what problem does he have with me anyway?" Telvar whimpered. Anna could relate. For all Mona knew, Zareth could have had a problem with any one of them. Or none of them! He was of an age where being his own man was a priority, after all. "Did I do something to offend him at some point?"

No, but I suppose it's possible you did something to annoy him. But she didn't say it. Mona was still a princess, after all. Besides, someone had knocked on the door; Anna didn't recognize the hand, but apparently Mona did. "Speak of the devil. It's about time you came back!"

"And I'm not here to linger," he muttered gruffly as he slipped inside, shutting the door behind him. Anna's eyes narrowed. If he wasn't here to linger, then why on earth had he come all the way up to the nursery? So much for hoping he was above Mona's half-imagined contests. "You're lucky I chose today to check up on my sister, or else no one could have warned you while Adrius is stalling."

"Stalling what?"

"Your brother."

Telvar whined again, fidgeting beneath his blanket. Anna muttered a few soft nothings into his ear, trying to calm herself as well as him. Mona, pointless non-revenge forgotten, took to studying her hands. "Well. Shit."

"Indeed." In some stoic desperation to look at anyone else, Zareth peered past Mona to Anna and her baby. He seemed calmer than she suspected he actually was, and he was probably thinking the same of her. "Adrius has him in the study. When I return, I'll give Adrius an excuse to leave; that will be your opportunity to explain yourself, and you'd better take it, because it won't be long before my sister hears of his presence and wants to introduce herself, though I'll try to hold her off as long as I can. Got it?"

Mona nodded. Zareth paid Anna a parting glance, strong but not without worry, then slipped an arm around Mona's waist and whisked her out of the room.

That was when Telvar started to cry.

"It's all right, love," Anna soothed, landing a series of kisses to his head between words. "We'll be all right. Auntie will take care of it."

He wailed. She wasn't sure if she believed herself any more strongly.

NEXT CHAPTER: