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June 12, 1195
"Thank God for Renata's Aunt Cladelia," CeeCee sighed from just behind Farilon as they made their way up to the sitting room landing. "Renata was so worried about her mother acting up, but Cladelia kept her sufficiently distracted the entire time. Perhaps we ought to order her something from the bakery."
"If you like, though I maintain my stance that even Renata's mother wasn't about to make a scene at her own daughter's wedding."
"And I maintain my stance that it's a lucky thing Cladelia was around to prevent your being proven wrong. But, a happy night merits thoughts of happier things." CeeCee tugged at Farilon's wrist to spin him about. Even with the now-visible added mass of baby, his wife was a small enough person that her strength still surprised him. "So: when do you suppose Falidor and Renata will get to work on a new niece or nephew for me?"
If they truly were as eager as they'd looked tonight, then it wouldn't be long. But, Farilon and CeeCee had better ways of answering each other's questions. "Do you really want another niece or nephew? Or do you just want to share your suffering with your best friend?"
"A little of both." CeeCee blew a loose curl out of her eye, only to have it flop right back where it was. All jokes of suffering aside, she appeared to be in much better health than she'd been in those first few months, for which Farilon was grateful. "But for now, at least I can make you suffer."
"Not that you're doing a good job of it." Farilon tapped her bump twice with the tip of his finger. As always, a tiny foot repeated with perfect rhythm. "Isn't that right, Copycat?"
"I still don't know why this one keeps doing that." CeeCee let go of his arm and drummed her own fingers against her stomach. Her brows arched, as they always did when the kicks mimicked. "I don't know how we two science-and-mathematics types did it, but somehow we seem to have made a little musician."
"A drummer, from the looks of it," Farilon agreed, kneeling down to see what the kid did with a rub. A rub, it seemed, was a rest.
"You might need to ask Raia if her stepson could take Copycat on as an apprentice, if bards even take apprentices."
"No self-respecting bard would trust a Copycat."
"A pity, given that's her name."
CeeCee bit her lip, bump withdrawing somewhat. "Oh, no. That's your serious voice. You can't really be saying that our baby's name is Copycat with your serious voice."
"Hear me out; I've given this some thought." He continued massaging the mound, just in case he needed the baby to back him up later. "We should start with our parents' names, right? But you said it would be strange naming a baby after my mother because you were named after my mother."
She sniffed. "It would."
"But! Everyone calls you CeeCee instead of Celina. And you know what 'C.C.' could stand for?"
CeeCee groaned. "You're kidding."
"I'm not! Her name will be Celina, but we'll call her Copycat, since she copied your name--which you, I may point out, copied from my mother. What better name for a copycat's copycat than Copycat?"
"Farilon, putting aside the fact that that's insane, we don't even know that it's a girl."
"But she has to be, because she's Copycat." Smirking, Farilon leaned in toward her and tried for his best puppy-dog eyes. "Come on, what do you say?"
"I say you had too much to drink tonight." And yet, whenever she tilted her head and rolled her eyes like that, she was never quite so annoyed as she wished she were. "But if you actually want me to consider it, then at least promise that she'll go by Cat. That might at least have some flattering connotations."
NEXT CHAPTER:
May 5, 1193
Of the twelve children Lord Severin had sired, CeeCee was the only one to inherit his preference for the left hand. It wasn't a thing she thought about much, given that neither her parents nor her teachers had stressed the importance of using her right. But, today, as Farilon had reached for her trembling right hand as he said goodbye to his sister, all she'd felt was her own inadequacy, her sheer lack of ability to make things better.
It was stupid to blame that on the hand. Death made people feel that way, not left-handedness. But CeeCee didn't want to think about death any more.
Farilon's family had had enough of that this year.
"Thank you for coming with me."
CeeCee stiffened. Had she not been involved with Farilon, she would have attended the funeral anyway--old family friends, after all. But, due to the complications that might arise from the fact that she was a student and he was a professor, only her parents and his mother knew that they were involved, so they'd opted not to attend as a couple. Upon arrival, though, that resolve had been half-forgotten. She'd scarcely left his side the entire time.
Farilon put away his mourning tunic and joined her on his bed, right hand fiddling with the position of his pillow. He was right-handed, but it shook just as much as her own had. "1194 had better be a damn good year."
CeeCee nodded. She would graduate in December of 1194. "Pity it's still so far off."
"But if it wasn't, there's be that much more pain to bring along into it." Farilon sighed. "She was only twenty-three. She should have had so many more years ahead of her. She should have been the one burying me."
She wished he wouldn't say that. But, she might have felt the same had it been Donnie or Thetis. "I always liked Riona. She had a real strength to her."
"My mother's strength," Farilon agreed. "Of all my sisters, she was the most like my mother, I think."
"Eldona and Lileina might grow into it." But, of course, Riona already had. "Her poor children. I know they have plenty of others around who love them to pieces, but still."
"I guess there are times when love just has to be enough."
It seemed a final note, a last profound thought before a troubled night, and CeeCee had no answer for it. Yet, instead of turning in, they sat in silence. Seconds ticked. Minutes dragged. It couldn't have been more than a quarter hour, but it might as well have been years.
Finally, Farilon spoke. "Will you marry me?"
CeeCee looped the lace of her nightgown around one finger, staring at the wall across from her as if it might crumble. It was the worst time for that question. But, it was the only time.
"Yes."
It was the last word either of them spoke before morning.
NEXT CHAPTER:
March 19, 1192
"What were you doing out in the pouring rain? On your birthday?" Farilon jabbed one of the hearth's logs with the poker. CeeCee watched the sparks fall to their bed of ashes. Maybe that was all she herself was doing, coming here like this. "I thought your friends would have thrown you a nice party or something."
"It's on Saturday." Saturday, the first day of spring. With that frigid rain, one couldn't have guessed it was only two days away. "I couldn't sleep.
"And I'm sick of us not speaking."
"Me too. I'm sorry about that." He sighed, then offered her a hand and pulled her off the couch. The heat from the fire crept beneath her cloak and warmed the bare legs beneath. "It's all right that you're not taking my classes. I made a bigger deal of it than I should have."
"About that--"
"You don't need to explain."
"But I want to." Did she? She'd kind of hoped he would have figured it out. But if he needed her to tell him, then this was her chance. This was why she'd come here, after all. "Thing is... I thought it would be better if you weren't my teacher."
"Sorry?"
"I mean--if you were my teacher, I couldn't... I couldn't..."
"Couldn't...?"
It was easier to show than tell.
"CeeCee..." The name was little more than a breath as they finally broke away some minutes later. It had been a long time in the making, after all. "I... I think I've wanted to kiss you for a while now."
"Were you ready for it?"
He nodded.
"Are you--" She untied the belt of her cloak and let the garment slide off her body. His jaw fell agape as he realized she wore nothing underneath. "--ready for a little more?"
It took a couple seconds--but again, a nod. "Are you?"
"Oh, Farilon. I'm a Kemorin." She worked her hand down from his shoulder and started on his laces. "And it's my birthday."
NEXT CHAPTER:
January 28, 1192
"Farilon! I thought you would have gone back to your house by now."
"I'm on my way there right now." Farilon kissed CeeCee on the cheek and stepped back, his hand still on her arm. She didn't brush him aside, which was a good sign. So... surely there was an explanation that wasn't personal? "I was just passing by and thought I'd come see you."
"Really? I would have figured I'd see plenty of you once term started."
"I guess so." Was that an opening? It seemed a little obvious. But maybe it wasn't? He wasn't good at this. "But, uh... if you want to see even more of me, there's still time to rearrange your class schedule."
CeeCee pulled back her arm. Yes--too obvious. "What."
"Well, you said you'd maybe take one of my classes this semester, but you aren't signed up for--"
"You do know the meaning of 'maybe', right?"
Someone needed to write more books on social situations. "Yes..."
"So you realize that there was always the possibility that I wouldn't."
"Yes, but... I thought we were friends."
"So I'm obligated to take your classes just because we're friends?"
"No, but..."
"But what? A lot of other people signed up for your classes, so it's not like you need me in there to fill a seat. Why do you keep pestering me about this?"
Did he really have to spell it out? Should he spell it out?
"Damn it, CeeCee, there just aren't many people I feel comfortable around!"
"And not many who feel comfortable around you, if this is how you act when you don't get your way!"
God. She had a point there. But what else was he supposed to do? Rolling over and being miserable didn't work either. "I'm sorry, all right. I just... damn it, I thought you'd be interested in my classes."
"Well, maybe I'm interested in other things too. Or maybe you just thought wrong. Or maybe--" She scowled, riled further by the mere thought. "--I just don't like other people telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing!"
"So it's personal?"
"At this point, maybe it is." She tossed her head to the side, at just the right angle to allow for the sight of her flaring nostrils. "Now, would you rather leave on your own, or should I find a guard to escort you?"
NEXT CHAPTER:
June 2, 1191
"Will you be staying with your mother and stepfather during the break?" CeeCee flopped back onto Farilon's couch and tried to fish a grin out of him with one of her own. It only half-worked.
"I might. It would be nice to get a little better-acquainted with my new niece."
"Oh, right. Searle's daughter." Searle Sadiel had a daughter. What a strange thought. "Yes, I think that will do you both well."
"Almost as well as you taking one of my classes next semester would," Farilon agreed as he sat down beside her.
CeeCee grimaced. It was probably best to keep mum about that for now. "Maybe..."
"I was surprised not to see you in one this term, actually. I know you're not majoring in my faculty, but my mechanics classes would complement your mathematics classes nicely. I thought you'd be interested."
"I am interested. I'm just... interested in a lot of things. I had to go with what best fit my schedule." It was true enough that it would do for now.
"Fair enough." All the same, he didn't look too happy about it--even if he did fork over the other half of that smile. "Anyway, what about you? Are you heading back home soon?"
"I'll be back and forth. I want to get a bit of a head start on some readings."
"Then maybe I'll see you in the library--steer you toward some of the books on my reading list."
"Ah, right." She wouldn't object to that. The physics texts would make for some interesting reading, even if she didn't end up getting credit for them. "Well, I should have plenty of time to check some out."
NEXT CHAPTER:
November 15, 1189
Farilon had put up his new bedroom curtains that morning.
He wasn't the sort of person who cared much about curtains. His old ones had faded, his mother had noticed, she'd taken it upon herself to order some new ones. So, he'd dropped the old ones off at the chapel for scrap fabric, then put the new ones up, ill-advised as it might have been to do it himself.
And every few hours, he had to go and stare at them again.
Why? They were just ordinary curtains. The pattern wasn't even that interesting. Hell, the colors weren't even spectacular! And yet, he kept staring at them.
Maybe it was about time he thought about finding someone to stare at them with him.
His brother had gotten married the day before. His younger brother. Not that Farilon wasn't happy for Searle. In fact... he didn't think he was quite ready yet, even if his younger brother was. But maybe he was closer to ready than he'd considered.
After all, if someone else was around to see the curtains, he'd only have to stare at them half as much.
That sounded stupid even in his head.
But it was something to think about.
NEXT CHAPTER:
January 1, 1189
It figured that of all the people who seemed to be in search of solitude in these early hours, CeeCee would be the one who couldn't find it. At least it was just Farilon. Sometimes, he was the next best thing to being alone.
Others, he was agony. But CeeCee resolved to make this instance the latter. "Mind if I share this room?"
"Not at all." Farilon stood. Whether he wanted to give her the couch to herself or to greet her properly, she didn't know. She wouldn't have minded if he'd kept sitting, really. Formal decorum had no place between friends, and she liked to think that they were at least friends.
She wasn't sure if she wanted to sit anyway. "So. Another year."
"Another year," he repeated with a sigh. "Does it ever seem to you like the New Year is often... well, nothing new?"
"More often than not." CeeCee rubbed at the sleeve of her gown. It had been a while since she'd needed a new one. She was almost finished growing, but alas, not quite. "I can't believe I still have two years before I can start at the university. I feel like I'm ready to move forward, you know? To be a real adult. But instead I'm still stuck here with my parents."
"And I still don't feel like a real adult. And it feels like I should every year, but I don't."
Knowing where he was coming from, he was more than entitled to that feeling. It was still a melancholy thought. "You seem sufficiently adult to me."
"Then I should hope you have a better idea of what is sufficiently adult than I do." He grimaced. Most of his smiles were grimaces. Maybe that would change one day. "To be honest, I wish it wasn't so long before you started at the university either. You're one of the few people I feel I can talk to."
"I'm sure you'll enjoy Renata's company too. And Lyssa's and Alina's, before I go--though I don't know if Lyssa will have much interest in any of your classes. But Alina signed up as a major in Physics."
"Well, I suppose any friend of yours could be a friend of mine."
"I should hope so. But don't strain yourself if you're not comfortable. A good part of being an adult is knowing your capacity and stretching it at your own pace."
"That makes sense." Farilon shook his head. "I wish my capacity matched yours. Maybe I'll be able to give you a New Years' kiss next year. Or the year after."
"Any year will be fine." She grabbed hold of his hands and squeezed gently--not so firm as to pressure him, firm enough that he knew she was there for him. "We both have other things to look forward to, after all."
He nodded. "That we do."
NEXT CHAPTER:
July 10, 1184
"Sorry about all the stairs." Farilon took the near seat on the couch and offered a sheepish grin. For land-use efficiency, the university staff houses were built to be tall rather than wide--and in Farilon's case, this meant a food-centric first floor with a small entrance plus the kitchen and dining room, a second floor with an assortment of spare rooms, and a third with a combination sitting room and study, as well as his own master bedroom. "They didn't wear you out, did you? You look a bit... I don't know. Strained, I guess."
CeeCee shook her head, not so much because he was wrong but because he could hardly be blamed for the architecture, and she didn't recall ever feeling quite like this anyway. She wasn't sick, but... well, 'strained' may have been the right word for it, if there was a right word. If she could pick a phrase, it would have been something to the effect of her innards in knots.
But she'd ridden all this way, and Renata was out training, and it had been a while since she'd last visited with Farilon, so whatever it was, she didn't care to let it get in the way.
"I'm all right." And who knew? Maybe all she needed was to sit down for a while. "I hope you like those books."
"I like most of the books you bring."
"Only most? And here I thought you had good tastes." She forced herself to laugh, though the cramping fought the effort. But surely that was because she'd only just sat down? "But I think you'll find these useful for your mechanics classes."
"Or maybe I could just get you to teach those classes. Are you still planning on becoming a professor?"
Still. The word stung somewhat. Yes, she had plenty of time to change her mind, but the word made her sound fickle--or worse, childish and unsure. It hurt to think that Farilon might have seen her like that. "It's a more appealing option than joining an nunnery, or being just a wife and mother."
"I don't know if all nuns and wives and mothers are miserable, but I see your point."
"No, you don't." The knot in her gut tightened. She was probably about to ruin the afternoon, if he hadn't already. But was she supposed to just smile and nod and say nothing? Didn't that just breed tension instead of clearing the air? "No offense, but you're a man."
His eyebrow arched, but he didn't say anything. At least he was listening? "I mean... if a man tells people what he wants to be, there's almost nothing that will make anyone tell you no. But if you're a woman, the only acceptable options are being a wife and mother, or being a nun--and nothing on top of either of those things. And if you're not a wife and mother or nun, then you're a half-pitied, half-ridiculed maiden aunt. And if you don't want to be that either, then you're a malcontent and a woman of ill-repute, because God forbid you have any say in your own life."
"And as a man, I'll never fully grasp that."
"Exactly." Though he did have his own unique othering, and that might have made him more flexible than many. She would never understand his situation either, but they could both acknowledge their lack of perspective there; maybe that was something. "But maybe that will change, one day. My sister and the others made a big step by opening up the teaching positions to women--and not just nuns." Though they could be nuns if they wanted. And judging by Lettie's employment--plus the number of rooms on Farilon's second floor--they could be wives and mothers if they wanted as well.
"Never mind your sister herself. The male chancellors of other universities probably took issue when they heard, but she's doing just as good a job as any one of them. Better than some, I'm sure." Not that Farilon would have known the day-to-day workings of the other universities, but if he was comfortable with this one, that had to mean something. Farilon wasn't comfortable with much. "Say, has she taken you for a tour yet?"
CeeCee shook her head. "She hasn't had the time."
"Well, I could take you for one now, if you like." In afterthought, he swept her over with a quick stare. "Er, if you're feeling up to it, that is."
"All right. Maybe a walk is what I need." She'd ridden over here, after all, and that was when the aches had started--and sitting hadn't done much to ease them.
"You're sure?"
"Well, not unsure."
But--sure enough--her pains eased somewhat as she stood, maybe even a little more as she walked past him. They hadn't ruined the afternoon after all. She hadn't ruined the afternoon after all. And the tour could only improve things, certainly. They'd discuss the architecture, the layout, perhaps the current projects of the various disciplines...
"Er... CeeCee?" Farilon tapped her on the shoulder, finger hesitant. "You're bleeding..."
"What?" How was that possible? She would have remembered cutting herself. "Where?"
"Uh... I don't want to say."
"Oh." Though her stomach spun, she wasted no time turning around. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit... "Oh, no."
How had this snuck up on her already? Some sort of divine retribution for her wishing Farilon wouldn't think of her as a child? She was ten years old! She shouldn't have had to worry about this for another couple years, at least. Hell, her own mother hadn't started until she was fourteen, and Aldara and the twins averaged around there as well! How had she--?
Stupid! Why had she just expected to take after her mother's side in that regard? Of her half-sisters from her father, Riona had been the oldest at twelve--and a young twelve, at that. Raia and Vera had both been eleven, and Viridis had been... ten. Like CeeCee. God! Stupid!
"Uh... do you have something for that? In one of your saddlebags or something?"
...Damn it. "No. This, uh... this hasn't happened to me before..."
"Oh." That did it. He was now forever privy to the workings of her reproductive tract. He'd never be able to look at her again without remembering this moment.
Fuck.
"Do you want me to go and get your mother?"
Of all the things she would have preferred he'd never ask. "Yes, please."
"All right. I'll stop by next door and ask Cherry if she could come over and keep you company. She's usually home around this time."
Company? That sounded like a kinder way of saying she needed a babysitter. At least Cherry was unlikely to make a big deal of it. "Right."
"And you can take a towel if you need one. Just wash it before--" He squirmed as he caught up with his own thought. "On second thought, keep it."
Great. He thinks I'm disgusting. "Thanks."
He gave her a quick rub on the shoulder, then brushed past her and started down the stairs. "Just try to stay comfortable, all right? And help yourself to anything in the kitchen if you get hungry."
"Uh-huh."
She knew he meant to be nice, but food was the least of her concerns right now.
NEXT CHAPTER:
