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March 4, 1202
"Gah!" Little Lonriad bounced the kitten about, his chubby hands dangling the furry form clumsily from beneath the shoulders. The kitten--who probably should have had a name--squirmed, but only for want of his own mobility. The baby couldn't hurt him even if he tried.
The kitten couldn't hurt the baby either, as more than one unfelt scratch with no lingering marks had proven.
"Should be interesting, watching those two as they get older." Sevvie, of course, would call it 'interesting'. Yvanette needed another word, but she didn't think one existed that quite captured the sentiment of 'greatly relieved that her transformations were a thing of the past and that her son and any future children of hers weren't doomed to involuntary felinehood of either the temporary or permanent variety, but still wary of Lonriad's kitten and her cat and not satisfied with the information Imran's journals had managed to provide'. "I suspect our boy will be able to answer most of our questions better than any old diary can, once he starts talking."
Yvanette pursed her lips. Sevvie was too good a man to point out that she could have unlocked some of those secrets for herself if she stopped keeping the cat at arms' length. Perhaps it was her responsibility as a mother to do so. She didn't want Lonriad to hurt himself for the sake of his own curiosity, and certainly not for the sake of hers or Sevvie's. She would try, eventually.
But she wasn't ready yet.
Things had been so complicated for so long. Her last bout of true peacefulness had been long enough ago that she scarcely remembered, when she'd been so small a child she couldn't properly appreciate it. But now... well, things weren't perfect.
But, they were so much better than they'd been before. Her body was her own again. The child she hadn't dared consider was here and healthy and happy. The possibility of more children was no longer a thing to be dreaded for their own sakes, but a thing to be considered--even hoped for. She could attend weddings and feasts and parties and not have to worry about whether she could duck away for an hour, whether absence or tardiness would be noticed. She could come and go from her own home as she pleased, without worry as to what might happen if she was gone too long.
She was free.
For now, she'd savor that.
But...
"I'll look into things myself before he talks."
Sevvie squeezed her hand. "I hope you don't feel that you have to."
"I don't--or, not for the reasons you'd fear, at least." She burrowed herself further into her husband's embrace and watched as their son rubbed his face with a fistful of kitten. "No one could understand what I went through as a child, since no one who knew me had gone through the same. Lonriad, at least, can have someone who can empathize--and I'm the only one who can be that person. I just have to learn to trust the familiars."
Her son's--and her own, staring wide-eyed from her perch on the other couch.
"After all, it's because of them that our lives can be so much better now."
NEXT CHAPTER:
August 27, 1201
Whatever half-hearted platitudes Sevvie uttered, Yvanette's ears fell deaf. The only sounds she knew were the echoes in her head. Her frantic scratching against the floor as she fought to change back in time. Her son's desperate first breaths as she freed him from the surrounding membrane. Her own tears as they hit the floor, when she turned back and he did not.
Her baby. In the first second of his life, she had failed him. She'd failed him the moment he'd been conceived. Why hadn't she gone to Aerina Frey for herbs when she'd had the chance? It would have been a mercy.
"They should be back soon."
Yvanette choked. Did it even matter when they returned? If nothing could be done...
No. She wanted her baby--but more than that, she wanted to think, to hope, that there was the slightest chance of him being all right. As long as they were gone, she had that.
If they returned, and her baby--
"Yvanette?"
Her father's voice. Did she dare--?
"Yvanette, it's all right. He's fine. He's back to normal."
Her father was not a liar, but she had to look to believe it.
Her boy was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.
"He... he's all right." More than all right. "He's amazing..."
"He looks like you when you were a baby, actually." Her father handed him off to her and stepped back. Had she dared dream of this since she'd first begun to suspect his existence? Her healthy, human son in her arms? "Darker hair, though. And Lonriad said he couldn't be certain, but he thinks those must be Asalaye's grandmother's eyes, based on something her father said once."
Who cared whose eyes they were? So long as they were living eyes.
"All he said was turquoise blue, Ashe; no need to sound so cryptic about it."
Her father-in-law. And...
...her baby?
"Wait, why do you have...?"
"Yvanette!"
"Sevvie?" Surely she was hallucinating anyway. Her son still clutched tightly, she spun back to the sight of her husband.
And an even more baffling companion than her baby's kitten form.
What did Deian do?
NEXT CHAPTER:
June 6, 1201
"See, Asalaye?" Adonis cooed as his newborn daughter's fussing ceased. "Uncle Sevvie may not be as handsome as Papa, but he's not that scary."
"Not the worst introduction I could have expected from you, really." Sevvie smiled as he stared into his niece's eyes, already so much like her father's. From the sounds of it, Alina had had such a quick and easy labor that only her mother and sister had been needed to attend to her--a lucky thing, as they wouldn't have had time to send for anyone else. As it figured, Sevvie's father and stepmother had been out visiting when Adonis's steward had arrived with the news, so he'd sent Alina and Viridis off to Cherry and Nythran's place to fetch them while he himself had made for Ravenhold.
In other circumstances, he might have gone for his parents himself and let his sisters see the baby straight away... but, he was only a few months shy of being a father himself. Seeing his niece wouldn't be the worst preparation for that.
Assuming, of course, everything went well. Yvanette's anxiety was such that he hadn't dared expect her to come with him--even though if Arydath had detected anything amiss yet, she surely would have said something.
"Well, when he introduced himself, he said he was 'the pretty one' of her parents," Alina snorted from the bed--not looking half-bad herself for a woman who'd just given birth.
"Yes, but that makes you the clever one--and, between you and me, the sexy one."
"Not feeling too sexy at the moment, so don't push your luck--but, then again, we are Kemorins."
As if Sevvie--never mind the baby--had just disappeared from the room for a couple of seconds, the two exchanged winks. There might have been some truth to the widespread notion that if a Kemorin found a fork in a long desert road with one arrow pointing toward the salvation of an oasis and the other marked for a conveniently-shaped rock, he'd go for the rock.
"Just don't make her any siblings too soon. She deserves to be the spoiled only child for a little while."
"Oh, Sevvie, you know me! She'll be spoiled regardless, even if we have twenty other kids to spoil."
Back on the bed, Alina gagged. "We are not having twenty-one children."
"All right, then: ten children, and eleven dogs."
"Adonis, I'm too tired to barter right now." Alina sighed. "Besides, she'll have a little cousin soon enough anyway."
Sevvie swallowed. He wanted to say he was certain that that would be the case--but, luck had never been much of a friend to Yvanette. "Lord willing."
"Don't worry, bro." Adonis lifted little Asalaye to his shoulder and rubbed her back through her blanket, kissing her tiny cheek before looking back to Sevvie. Adonis's eyes, Asalaye's eyes. Sevvie's eyes too. "Not sure how, but I know everything will be fine--and you know I'm always right."
NEXT CHAPTER:
November 29, 1200
"Just burning off some magic?" It was a stupid question; Yvanette would never lounge around in cat form if it wasn't necessary. But, for lack of a more biting response at the moment, Sevvie's wife nodded as best her altered neck allowed. "I hope the rest of your day was a little more interesting."
Her ear twitched. It probably hadn't been. Sevvie stifled the urge to sigh. A pity that Yvanette hadn't found a career that had sparked her interest--but, if she were out of the castle all day, she'd probably spend most of her energy fearing she'd have to transform at an inopportune time.
There had to have been a way to improve her quality of life, something more permanent than his guard shifts at the old ruins, or Lysi and Lythe worshiping their beautiful sister-in-law like eight-year-olds were apt to do. There had to have been.
Why hadn't either of them figured it out yet?
"I'm going to lie down. Join me when you're ready?"
Her four-point tread turned from rustling on the rug to clicks on the hardwood as he slung himself onto the bed. As he settled, she reached the wardrobe and returned to her body. She dressed quickly, as she always did; at this point, she didn't mind him looking, but if she was dressed...
Well, then things were normal.
"How was your day?"
"Eh. Dull." It had been, and he was never sure whether or not a dull on his part made her feel better or worse about her own. But, she'd hated it most if he wasn't honest. "Nice scenery by the river, of course, but nothing happened there that doesn't happen every day."
"That describes things around here as well." Yvanette sighed--and plucked a stray, short hair from her bodice. "Sometimes I wonder if we're all not just living the same day over and over."
"God, that's a horrifying thought--but at least I know I still get to see you every day."
That sufficed for a small smile, he noted as she shuffled over to lean against him. "You're always the highlight of my all day every day, that's for sure."
"Heh. Well... I do what I can." He rested his head against hers, the scent of her perfumed hair a brief respite from his lingering lethargy, at least until he wondered if what he could do would ever be enough. "For this all day every day, that is. We'll figure out a way to get over today and get on with tomorrow--some day."
NEXT CHAPTER:
April 28, 1200
"Um, not that I don't think you look great, but..." Sevvie bit his lip. He hated to bring this up on the day before Adonis's wedding, especially when their mother would have (perhaps rightfully so) smacked him for even thinking it--but, he'd damned if what ought to be one of the best days of his brother's life was ruined by senseless ridicule. "...do you really feel all right about wearing that?"
"It's fine, Sevvie." Adonis pushed back his hair and admired the crisp white fabric. "I'm a virgin."
That hadn't even sort of been what he was thinking. But, it wasn't as if that didn't raise its own set of questions. "Seriously? You and Alina always seem to be all over each other."
"Well, it isn't as if we haven't done other things--plus, we agreed long ago that the look on Grandfather's face if any of his descendants managed to wed in white would be well worth the wait."
"Hmm. I guess I'll grant you that." Yvanette had worn white, but she wasn't their grandfather's grandchild. Sevvie... had not been immune to the occasional bout of paid relief. Not before they'd wed, anyway--though, while he wouldn't dream of acting on it, Yvanette's dread of getting pregnant had led to some temptation on that front. "Mind you, I don't know if I got a good look at him when Lyssa got married."
"True, but Landus was in Carvallon for most of their betrothal." Adonis flipped the thought aside with a wave of his hand, but his grin didn't last much longer than that, the corners of his mouth slowly sinking to sobriety. "Speaking of people who won't be there tomorrow, though: I call Mother's name."
"Sorry?" Sevvie squinted. What did their mother's name have to do with anything?
"You know--for a baby. I call naming my and Alina's first daughter Asalaye. Obviously you'll want to use the name eventually, but I reserve the right to use it first."
"Oh." For Yvanette's sake, it was a relief to know that people weren't quite at the point where they were wondering about their lack of children yet. But--also for Yvanette's sake--he'd play along with Adonis for now. "Yes, that's all right. You were closest to Mother, plus Aunt Lettie could always get a granddaughter from Rennie before she gets one from you; I suppose our first daughter would be Yvanette's mother's first granddaughter, so she should probably have her name."
"Thanks, Sevvie. See, this is why I don't see what other sets of brothers are getting at when they think there's a problem with us never fighting." Mindful of his skirts--his wedding gown, after all--Adonis lunged in for a hug. "I love you, brother."
"I love you too." Sevvie returned the squeeze with a pat on the back--stiff, not so candid, but no less genuine. "And don't think I'll ever stop looking out for my loved ones."
NEXT CHAPTER:
May 8, 1199
"The situation hasn't changed, you know." If Yvanette were to say 'yes'--before she said 'yes'--then she had to make that clear. It was only right. "I might have a better handle on it now, but I'll never be normal."
"What's 'normal', really?" Sevvie asked with a shrug, his hair flopping against Yvanette's cheek. "We all have our quirks--and a lot of the things we're all supposed to do don't necessarily make sense. I don't think there's really such thing as 'normal'."
"You know what I mean." And knowing that, perhaps she could reason that she'd given him plenty of time to change his mind about her--but Sevvie had always been too nice for his own good. "Just because I can control it doesn't mean I don't have to... exercise it. I can't expect you to make excuses for me all our lives."
"What excuses? If you need to miss a party or a banquet or something, I'll just say you weren't feeling up to it. Worse comes to worse, we'll just say you're prone to headaches and leave it at that."
"And children?" She wouldn't guess exactly how long she could go without transforming if she had to, but having assumed that the prickling in her skin was any indicator that she was due, she hadn't dared stretch it past a few weeks. "I can't expect to keep a pregnancy--not without something going terribly wrong."
"We don't need children. We'll have each other, plus a bunch of nieces and nephews that we can happily hand back to their parents for their less enjoyable aspects."
"But what if you change your mind?"
"Doesn't matter; my love for you won't." He eased her onto his lap, unblinking as he swore it. Such was a lofty thing to promise, but Sevvie had always been good about keeping to his word. "I want to marry you. If you'll have me, then I'll gladly take on everything that entails."
Gladly. She barely knew the meaning of the word. She hoped he knew it better than she did. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
NEXT CHAPTER:
July 7, 1196
"Do you love me?"
Sevvie exhaled, not even turning his head. It should have been a startling question. Her entrance, Yvanette could chalk up to being mistaken for one of his housemates, who came and went as they pleased--but her voice might have merited some reaction of surprise, at least a quick twitch of the shoulders.
Instead, he was slow and deliberate, as if he'd sensed her approach from the minute she'd left her own house. Hands to the table, he pushed back his chair with the weight of his body and drew himself to his feet. "Yes."
Within her chest, Yvanette's heart twinged. Contrary to him, she was in enough of a shock even with Adonis and Alina's slip-ups. "Why?"
Sevvie turned around and stepped toward her, his frown curling his lower lip inward. "Do you need a reason?"
Considering that the not-unfounded consensus of the rest of the young men their age was that Yvanette was an emotionally unstable recluse, a reason might have helped. "Don't you? Is it that I'm broken and you think you can fix me? Or that I'm wild and you think you can tame me?"
"You're not broken or wild, and I wouldn't wish to fix or tame you even if I thought you needed either."
"Then what is it?"
"It's... difficult to put to words." But his eyelids slipped, as they always did when he was thinking. He would, at least, try. "You have this... spirit about you, I guess. A light and shadow spirit. You warm me, you lead me, you follow me. Your light makes the world better, and your dark makes me want to be better. And all the greys in between play my heartstrings like a lute. And every time you look at me, all I want to do is rearrange the stars to spell your name and then make it night forever."
She blinked. She wasn't sure what to say to that, if there was anything to say to that. Even she even knew what the hell he'd just said. "You know I'll end up wanting to stay home and making you go places by yourself."
"I don't mind."
"And you know I probably won't get along with all of your friends and their wives."
"That's all right."
"And I don't know if I'll ever be able to go nine months without transforming, so I probably shouldn't get pregnant."
"I don't care."
"But you will. And it's not." She fought a sigh and triumphed with a choke. "And you will."
Sevvie shook his head. "All I need to be happy is for you to be happy."
"I don't want to trap you."
"How can you trap me when you give my heart wings?"
Yvanette's eyes quivered as he grazed a finger along her jaw. Every nerve in her body ached to cling to him, never let him go, drag him down to the chapel and marry him before he found he didn't feel all those pretty things after all. But she couldn't do that. She couldn't do that. When he figured that out for himself, he had to be free to go.
"You deserve--"
"No." His fingertip touched her lips, and his nose followed to hers. "It isn't love when it's deserved or earned or reward. Love must be given freely. If I don't have yours, then tell me, and I'll leave you alone until our friendship can heal, and we won't speak of it again--but never give in to someone you don't love just because he deserves it. Never settle for less than love because you think you don't deserve the real thing."
The right thing to do would have been to pull away. To end this, to leave him, to let his wounds turn to scars turn to flesh renewed.
But right and wrong never held much sway in a moment of weakness.
NEXT CHAPTER:
March 7, 1196
"Halfway through your first term. You're holding up a lot better than I was." Sevvie kissed Yvanette on the cheek and took a step back. They hadn't seen much of each other in February--far too hectic for a month so short. But Yvanette, at least, had a few more free afternoons in the early part of March.
She'd need those for more than Sevvie. "Uh... so, how's... how are you feeling?"
"Uh... all right." As all right as it could have been, at least. "But, you know... time and privacy and all that."
Sevvie nodded. He'd been the one to compare it some years back--disgusting as it was--to his little cousin, holding his bladder to the point where it would burst and he'd wet himself. If Yvanette didn't willingly use her powers frequently enough... well, they'd burst.
The spying game had helped in their youth, but they'd grown up since then. Nowadays, with classes and housemates and all of that, she had to retire early a couple nights a week and lounge about her room for an hour or so before bed. At least at home--at least since her parents had found out--she'd been able to roam the castle as she pleased. Her roommates probably wouldn't let a cat go prowling about the house without questioning how it got in.
"Ah, yes. I'd worried about that." Then why was that grin splitting his face in half? Sevvie had never been the sort to revel in others' misery. "But I might have a solution--for now, at least. You know that old ruined castle near the south end of Veldorashire?"
Yvanette sniffed. If they were both thinking of the same one, then this cruel joke did not suit him. "The one that all the children like to explore?"
"Liked to. See--my grandfather bought it and fenced off the area. Said it might be 'archeologically significant' one day. I think this is the sort of idea that makes everyone think he's mad, since it's pretty much an ugly old mound of crumbling rocks, but... guess who's picking up a bit of extra spending money patrolling the place on weekends?"
"The whole weekend?" If this was a joke... now it was really cruel. "You can't be serious!"
"I am, which is a pity--because who wants to go a whole weekend without any company at all?" He winked. Sevvie was not a joking winker. No--he was a serious winker. Dead serious. "It's perfect. I get someone to talk to, and you get a safe spot. Plus, you can have some of my wages if you like; I don't need the money for much."
Money, now? Yvanette had to choke back a gasp. "I can't take your money!"
"I thought you wouldn't. But... can you take the offer?"
The offer. The safe spot.
It was so much more than any amount of money she could fathom.
"You have no idea how many dull and lonely hours you've just saved me."
NEXT CHAPTER:
May 16, 1195
"All right. I'll level with you." Adonis--usually so eager to announce every thought that popped into his head--sighed. Sevvie hadn't been sure what to expect when he'd returned home to a concerned Morgan, telling him that Adonis hadn't been himself for the past while, but the thought of a withdrawn, isolated Adonis had been a little too past the bounds of belief.
"I'm in love."
"...oh."
That... made sense. Adonis was sixteen now, past the point when such a thing might be possible. And, well...
Adonis had never been... well, like other boys.
How to proceed? Normally? How had his father spoken to him, again, when he'd first told him he was in love? "And, uh, how is that going for you?"
No, that hadn't been it.
"Awful! It's only a few months before the new university term starts."
"New university term?" An older man? But surely a year or so age difference shouldn't have been Adonis's first concern! "Adonis, I don't know if that's such an issue."
"But it is! I can't compete with older men!" Adonis tugged at his hair. Not too many men at the university had those sort of well-groomed, luscious locks. "And don't try to tell me there won't be any competition, because there will be. I mean--it's Alina!"
Sevvie blinked. That... meant one hell of a wrong assumption on his part. "Alina?"
"You know, our cousin. Uncle Searle's daughter. Blond hair, blue eyes... magnificent breasts?"
Magnificent breasts. One hell of a wrong assumption indeed.
"I, uh... guess I never noticed that. Adonis, have you tried actually telling her how you feel?"
"I've thought about it. I don't want to risk our friendship, though."
And now Sevvie really could relate. If Adonis could walk around in dresses just because he liked them better, then maybe he'd have the guts to take the advice Sevvie himself hadn't managed to yet. "Adonis, as long as you don't throw a fit like some entitled prick if she doesn't feel the same way, the friendship will survive."
"And how are you so sure of that?"
"Because I've seen you two together, you idiot." Sevvie smirked, if only to distract from the other blue eyes inside his head. "She obviously benefits from having you in her life in some capacity or another, and it's clear that you'd rather have her as a friend than have nothing to do with her. Sure, it will hurt for a while, but you'll be all right in the end."
"You really think so?" His words weren't quite sure, and his lips weren't quite a smile, but Sevvie would take it.
"You know I wouldn't lie to you." Even if he was a giant hypocrite. "Just tell her, Addie. Give her the chance to think her feelings over."
NEXT CHAPTER:
