July 13, 1178
Sparron set down the tankard and slumped over. He wasn't drunk but it wasn't for lack of trying; his father had a decent collection back home, but nothing Searle kept seemed to be strong enough. Not that Searle had ever needed liquor.And yet, if Searle knew that Sparron had taken to turning in moderately intoxicated for the sheer vanity of blaming any nighttime scares on the alcohol, the whole room and the one beside it would have be stacked to the ceiling with wine that could kill an elephant. God, he made that boy stupid. He'd hoped Lettie would have been better for him. Maybe she had been, before it had come to this.
"There you are."
Certainly no one did him any good now."What are you doing in here? You should be in bed."
"So should you." And yet, he picked up the tankard and slid over so they could both sit comfortably without any risk of head-to-tap collisions. No one did Sparron any good either--except maybe his father. Should've just gone to bed when he'd been told.
"The kids are pretty cute, aren't they?" Searle took the open spot, just as bad of a judge as he'd always been. "Does the boy have a name yet?"
Sparron raised the cup to his lips and took in the last swig of weak ale. "Prior."
"What, like a monk?"He shook his head. "No, like... 'before'..."
Before he'd gotten sick. Before his stepmother's ill spells had become so frequent. Before his sister had gotten stuck with her asshole husband, before this whole thing with Searle had ever started. Back when he'd been happy. He'd thought the name a compliment, but maybe it was an undue burden.
Searle snickered. "What kind of a name is that?"
"My son's name."
"Right." Searle must have picked up on the connotations. That wasn't surprising. He wasn't as stupid as he seemed, most of the time. "Sparron?"Or maybe he was. And maybe Sparron was too. "What?"
"Why did you say it was your idea?"
Should've saved that last swig. "I thought my father would go easier on me."
"Why?"
He shrugged. It was insufficient even by his standards, but if Searle knew the half of it, he'd never hear the end. "Just a thought."
"Oh." The word hung suspended between them like a spider lowering from the rafters. Searle's eyes were wide with an uncomfortable self-pity; awkward, Sparron tried to focus on the door. "You're sure that's it?"
"I'm sure."
But as always, Searle wasn't.
"Shh." He turned and crawled over, knees on either side of Sparron's thigh, one shaking hand resting tentatively on the shoulder. He was so damn gentle it was too much to bear. "Sparron...""Don't."
The word went unheard and soft fingers played with his hair and brushed along his jawline. Thank God for the weak alcohol. Anything stronger and he would have had to lean forward. "We can't..."
"Shh." The line of that perfect nose rested against his forehead, the knee between his legs dragging nearer, a steady stream of blood pooling in his groin. "I miss you."I wish you didn't. "Searle, don't."
The nose slipped to his own, sapphire eyes sparkling in front of his own, lips like silk just a tilt of the chin away. The eyes pulled away as the mouth inched nearer. Nearer... nearer...
That was it. He couldn't take this any more. "Enough!"
His hand flew to Searle's side and shoved him off, a little harder than intended. Searle stared up at his like a dying animal, pretty lip trembling, starry eyes startled, even scared. For a second, Sparron let himself be horrified, but it was an indulgence he should have resisted. It had to be done.
"Why do you keep pushing me aside?"
He couldn't look. He stood, back toward Searle, eyes on the wall. There was too much blond and blue in the drab olive wood. "What do I have to do to make you go away?"
Silence.
"Just leave me alone, Searle."
He couldn't even add 'for your own good', not when Searle had a history of treating that as an invitation. He couldn't even apologize for shoving him. All he could do was walk away, return to his guest chamber and lock the door and douse the candles, then spend the night sobbing into his pillow and praying he didn't wake his father in the next room."Sparron--"
He'd hoped they could be friends. But Searle didn't do friends, not when he wished said friends were something more. Sparron couldn't do something more. It was a weakness he could not handle, and a strength he did not possess.
"Leave. Me. Alone!"
NEXT CHAPTER:
8 comments:
I kind of had to cringe at that last bit of punctuation, but I could think of a better way to do it.
Anyway. Everyone like the new banners? The founder pictures had a good run, but it's obvious to me now that self-deprecating taglines and obnoxious fonts are the way to go.
Or it got to be half past eleven on March 31st and I didn't have time to pull of a better April Fool's joke :P The old banners return tomorrow. But seriously, have fun scrotum-hunting.
In other news... Pen Pooklet'd Sparron's hair! We'll be seeing it in the next post, but weirdly enough, not on Sparron. We'll see Sparron a couple posts later, though--and we'll just pretend his hair always had the pretty new texture, okay? ;)
*runs off to get coffee before flight back to Homeworkland*
*err, pull off a better April Fool's joke. Clearly I'm not running off for coffee soon enough.
I wonder if I could narrow down all of the potential scrotum chapters and find the one. The problem is that so many of your characters are habitually naked. Soo...
For some reason, my brain went straight to Ash. When will I get to PHOWAR at him again, Van???
This chapter made me so sad, and then I got distracted by the idea of scrotum-hunting. Yer always spoil'n teh mood!!! :D :D
I wasn't put-off by the punctuation. Those halting stops can be pretty effective, even if The Man says that they're not "grammatically sound" <"e>. This is the same Man that would have me stop beginning my sentences with conjunctions. But I do it for emphasis, so damn The Man! I did think to myself that you could have ended on "possess" and achieved the same effect though. Sparron's "What do I have to do to make you go away?" was heartbreaking enough. Then, the idea that he would spend the night crying over it!
hehehehe That banner font reminds me of a game show.
Yay!!!!!!! I made Sparron shiny!!!!!!! :D
Eh. I'll be nice. The scrotum is here. Izzy's junk is almost entirely obscured by Riona's leg, but there's something peeking out from between the backs of his legs and her knees are otherwise accounted for.
We'll be seeing quite a bit of Ashe in August, actually. And then again in November when Rona has her baby :)
Oh man, I have got to stop doing that! XD But for some reason I always have funny things to say right after sad/tense posts. Maybe it's a release mechanism I've developed XD
Oh good, I'm glad that worked. I know that can be effective if done right, but I wasn't quite sure if it was here. But yeah, I'm generally with you on The Man--I am passionate in my crusade against "said", after all :P
Sparron does care for Searle, more than he'll probably ever admit even to himself (the closest he's ever come was probably here, but the phrasing is a bit ambiguous). By this point, he figures the only way to be kind is to be cruel. He does think Searle's better off without him :(
Yes! And thank you so much for that! :D :D :D
This post is sad :(
Lol at the new banner and the scrotum warning :P I CANNOT WAIT FOR RONA'S BABY :P
Yeah :S
Heheheh... I shall have to archive these joke banners somewhere XD
I'm pretty excited about that baby too :)
The thought of poor Sparrow sobbing into his pillow all night just about breaks my heart. :( I wish there was a chance Octavius would wake up, go in there and figure out what was going on, but I doubt that would happen. Or better yet, I wish Searle would hear.
I feel like I should feel just as bad for Searle, too, but at least Searle has a support system. Lettie won't be much support right now (or maybe she might come around to help a broken-hearted Searle, you never know), but his father is in on it, Jadin is in on it even if he hasn't told Searle ... he's got people who can help him. While Sparron has Camaline and Octavius, unfortunately both of them are powerless to help Sparron with what I think is the root of many of his problems: his mental illness.
This isn't to say that I think Sparron is being irrational here, because his thought process seems pretty darn rational to me. He loves Searle, he doesn't want to see him hurt -- so he pushes Searle away. There might be a bit of pride involved (he doesn't want Searle to know what he's become), but it seems to me to be a relatively selfless action. But I don't think Sparron would be quite so firm about pushing Searle away if he wasn't trying to protect him in some way.
Maybe, now, that I think of it, Jadin can help here. Jadin is the only one who has all the pieces. (Well, Camaline does too, but when was the last time Camaline helped anybody?) If he were to tell Searle what was going on, I think one of two things would happen: Searle would leave Sparron alone for good, or else he would have it out with Sparron and make it clear that he's staying for better or worse. Either would be preferable to what these two are going through now.
But poor Sparrow. :(
If these two have anything going for them, it's that things can't really get much worse (well, short of anything drastic). At this point, it's definitely about protecting Searle for Sparron, although there's probably more of the usual mixed in there as well :S
Interesting point about Jadin being the one with all the pieces. I wonder what would happen if he told Searle about Sparron's condition. Searle's instinct would probably freak out and take to doting over Sparron like he did after the suicide attempt, but if Jadin warned him that a little distance might be required, who knows? Maybe he'd listen.
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