In Which Ashe Catches a Raindrop

August 15, 1178

Going by how Rona had looked when Ashe had crawled out of bed that morning, he hadn't expected to find her standing, fully dressed and playing with the puppy he'd brought home one day for what he hoped was no apparent reason, the barely-there bulge of her middle much less prominent than he would have expected for six months. Despite her claims, Rona had never been fat, but the poor girl never had looked thinner than she did now; even her stomach didn't seem to be so much growing as it was the only part of her that wasn't shrinking.

A few times, he'd caught her running her hand over the bump, the worry in her eyes obvious even in the peripheral. It hadn't swollen much over the past month or so, if it had at all. For all they knew, the baby was already gone; here they were, awaiting an inevitable stillbirth, something she'd never get over, something for which some part of him would always blame himself.

Not that he would dare say any of that aloud--not with what else he had to say to her, which had been enough of a debate on its own. She has to know. Lonriad's right; it's only fair. She has to know what you dragged her into. Damn you for not telling her at the tournament. "Feeling a little better?"

"A little." She flashed him a brief smile as she always did, but turned back to the dog with enough haste to sting. "I thought it might be good for the baby if I walked around a little. I think she's getting bored with all my lying about."

It was probably better if he didn't ask how she might possibly know that. "Yes. Well... your comfort comes first, you know."

"I'm comfortable enough." That makes one of us. "How was your day? I thought I heard Lonriad outside, chatting with the steward. I would have greeted him, but I was down with a headache at the time."

"Yes, well... he didn't stay all that long." It wasn't really a lie; Lonriad's mind, at least, must have left while Ashe had broken down and sobbed into his shoulder like he hadn't since he was a five-year-old girl. Even if it was a lie, what was one more at this point?

Well... maybe more than he thought, if he was really going to do this. After Lonriad had left, he'd gone over it countless times in his head. It wasn't great timing, not with the baby and all--hell, not after she'd been misled into marrying a fraud and a liar--but surely it could only be worse if she found out after the baby arrived? Even if it arrived alive and well?

She'd probably want to leave him. It was her right, after all. If she chose to do so, then he would let her keep the castle and the baby and everything that came with them. He owed her that much, if not more. He didn't know what he'd do beyond that. It didn't matter anyway. "Uh... can we--?"

"Were you crying?"

She put the puppy down and waddled toward him, concerned. Ashe flinched by reflex. "No..."

"You were." A small, silken hand brushed his cheek, hovering by the corner of his eye. "Why?"

"Er... allergies?"

Rona shook her head. "Silly boy. You don't have to keep things from me."

If only she knew the half of it. "Can we talk?"

She pulled back somewhat as he reached for her pretty hair, smiling in that transparent way she did when she didn't want him to know how uncomfortable she was. She'd used that same smile on Aspen and he wondered if it said anything, but it was foolish to hope that it did. "All right..."

"You have to promise to believe me, though."

Her nose wrinkled, but she nodded nonetheless. "I guess I can do that."

"And while I want you to be honest with me, it's probably best if you don't say anything until I finish explaining."

"All right?"

Well, here it was: the moment that would make or break the rest of his life. All those hours of preparation and he was at a loss about where to begin. It probably wasn't wise to just come out and say it, but how to lead in? So many places he could start and not one of them was ideal. Even opening with an 'I love you' seemed wrong.

"Ashe?"

She had that same expectant look on her face that she had when they'd first met--back when the duke's daughter had the daring to approach that scrawny little orphan in the kitchens and demand her name. "Sorry, just... you know." A tilt of her head said she didn't. I'm sorry, Rona. "All right. Uh... you see, back when your brother--"

"Oh!"

A hint of a tear in her eye, Rona glanced down at her middle, a soft stream of laughter rolling off her lips. He hadn't seen her smile quite like that in weeks. "Ashe, she's kicking!"

...eh?

"I'm sorry. It's just... she hasn't moved in a couple days and I didn't want to worry you, but she's kicking!" She leaned into him, her forehead laying to rest against the cord that held her key. For a second he felt her heart beating and his own raced to catch up. "Our baby is fine."

Ashe ran his fingers along her shoulder until they left the lace and tread instead upon the soft skin beneath. "Rona..."

"Feel!"

Without warning, she grabbed him by the wrist and pressed his open hand against the bulge. Sure enough, something landed a hit on his palm, no more forceful than raindrop but nevertheless there. He didn't think it had occurred to him until now that the baby really existed and he wasn't sure what to make of that.

"That's... that's really something."

"Isn't it?" Rona's face was aglow with a light that put the sun to shame as she took Ashe's face in her hands and kissed him. He'd never seen her quite like this, so happy that she threatened to burst with all that was good in the world. Was it too much to hope that this moment never ended?

"I'm sorry, I kind of interrupted you, didn't I? What did you need to tell me?"

Apparently it was.

No. No, he couldn't spring that on her now, no more than he could shoot down the morning star at the peak of its reign. There would be another time, many other times. Or did she even need to know at all? It was the past, after all; it didn't matter now, didn't make much of a difference. They'd both be better off.

"Ashe?"

"Uh... you know, it's actually not that important. Or that interesting, even," he added, noting a trace of disappointment that lurked about her smile. "Just some... odd math in the accounts. You know, I might have just miscalculated."

"Might want to check that, then." One hand to her middle, Rona giggled and looped her free arm around his waist. "But it can wait. It's more important that the baby's all right."

He nodded. She planted a kiss on his jaw before burrowing into his shoulder. "You're going to be such a great father. You know that, right?"

For all he didn't agree, it probably wasn't the best time to protest.

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