In Which Jadin Offers an Easy Fix

January 4, 1177

"...and so the old man looks up at him and says 'I built every bridge on this river with me own two hands, but they don't call me Searle the Bridge-Builder, do they? I've speared every whale that swims past me boat, but they don't call me Searle the Whaler, do they?' Then he takes a drink, looks up and laments 'But you fuck one goat...'"

The rest of the bar burst into a chorus of bawdy, half-drunken laughter, much to Jadin's delight. Even his brother of the same name had to stifle a snort. Even Ashe had to smile. Oh, Xeta's jokes never failed.

As they hysterics died down to scattered chuckles, Searle shot a pleading glance toward Sparron, who pretended not to notice--as did Jadin. He was getting a bit tired of this. One of these days he'd just have to tell Searle that he knew. Not today, though; no sense making a scene at his friend's bachelor party, even if it was just between him and his brother.

"Jadin, you know I love that joke as much as everyone else does, but would it kill you to use someone else's name for once?"

"Sorry bro--most common name in the country and whatnot." Jadin tipped back another sip of beer and winked at him. "Anyway, enough jokes." He slung one arm over Ashe's shoulder and raised his mug with the other. "To Ashe and Rona--may their daughters be as generously endowed as their mother, and may their sons be as prone to waking up in the sex pond surrounded by women's clothing as their father!"

"Here here," cheered Lonriad as anyone with a surviving drink took a swig.

Even Sparron chuckled. Across from him, Isidro glanced over to Jadin's table and frowned. "Ashe, do you mind telling us why your face matches your hair? Still trying to convince us all it wasn't what it looked like?"

Redder than ever, Ashe slumped onto the table, dragging Jadin's arm with him. "It really wasn't..."

"Then why don't you--hic!--share the details?" piped up Jadin's drunken stepbrother from beside Sparron, rendering Ashe's blush short-lived as a sickly white took over. Knowing Cuthron, he'd only tagged along for a glimpse of Seoth's pretty daughter--never mind the fact that her father would never let her work during a bachelor party--and now he was filling Eleara's void with liquor. Stupid kid.

Jadin reclaimed his arm and shook a finger at him. "Because they're so wonderfully insane that they'd blow your tiny little mind, that's why."

Bernardo snorted. "No, it's just because it was what it looked like. Not much else it could've been, is there?"

Back at the bar counter, Rona's brother Abrich shrugged. "Not from the sounds of it. That reminds me, though--Ashe, why did you tell my sister that you were a virgin?"

...eh?

Casimiro gaped and Setran spat forth his last gulp of ale. A little bewildered, Jadin turned to the bridegroom and stared. He would've guessed Ashe to be the last man who would lie to his betrothed. "Why--?"

But Ashe--embarrassed, maybe a little angry--had focused on Abrich. "She told you?"

Lonriad squinted. "It's true?"

It couldn't have been... could it? This was a man he'd had to teach how to shave, after all. "Ashe?"

Ashe said nothing.

"Well." Bernardo picked a berry off the plate in front of him and popped it into his mouth. "Now I'm really wondering about what happened at the sex pond."

"Christ, enough about the sex pond." That was something Jadin had never thought he'd say. "Can't you see that we have a serious problem here?"

Ashe blinked. "We do?"

"Yes!" Some of the others looked a little confused too. Not that everyone could be an expert, of course, but he'd thought someone might have been able to back him up. Oh well. "Look, you're getting married tomorrow. You're going to have sex with Rona tomorrow. And she's never had sex either, so she'll be expecting that you know what you're doing--and don't say it's all right because she won't know the difference, because women talk.

"And guess who Rona will have been talking to? Her sister, plus Hilla and Riona. Now, Xeta's married to me and... well, I sure knew what I was doing the first time we fucked." Trying to avoid Ashe's scandalized look, he turned to Bernardo. "'Nardo, you're a handsome man; you had a lot of sex before you married Hilla, right?"

Bernardo nodded. "Sure did."

"And Riona's married to Izzy. Is? I realize that yours isn't the most fuckable face out there, but you slept with other girls before Riona, didn't you?"

"Whenever I could afford it."

"See?" He turned back to Ashe, who looked like he was fighting back some nausea. At least he got the gist of it. "Rona's been hearing all of that. Even if she knows you've never done that before, she'll still be expecting all of that."

Ashe swallowed and took to studying the scales of the fish in front of him. "I see."

Poor kid. No man should have looked so put-out on the eve of his wedding. Good thing this had an easy fix. "Seoth! One more round on me."

Nodding, the innkeeper gathered some fresh mugs as the guests exchanged excited smiles. Jadin took the collective moment of distraction as an opportunity to tug at Ashe's sleeve. "I have a plan."

His friend squinted. "What sort of plan?"

"A simple one. After we finish our drinks, I'm taking you to a brothel."

All he got for his trouble was a horrified stare. Most men would have given him a hug for that. Then again, there wasn't much a man could consistently expect from an oddball, and Ashe was about as strange as they came.

"Oh, you're one of those romantic types. Tell you what: we're still going, but you don't have to do anything. Just watch me pleasure the ladies and try to pick up as much as you can. And since we're going to be brothers, I'll even commentate for you. How does that sound?"

"Uh... thank you?"

He didn't sound convinced, but that hardly mattered. Whether Ashe knew it or not, he would be thanking him later.

"You're welcome. But the next time I ask about your home planet, I want some real answers."

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