In Which Karlspan Learns What Big Brothers Do

September 22, 1176

Karlspan wasn't supposed to be in his father's study when his father wasn't actually there, but it was the only safe place; surely his father would understand? He was supposed to be in bed, but he couldn't sleep yet--not when he hadn't had the chance to do anything all day. This was so unfair. His father had received a letter at breakfast and that had been it. Karlspan's parents had taken to exchanging sympathetic glances and wondering the halls like ghosts. His mother had spent the better part of the day in the chapel and his father had all but barricaded himself in the library.

And--lacking her usual sources of attention--his stupid sister had taken to following him around all day.

All day. Everywhere. When he and his father's page had been swiping at each other with sticks, when he'd wanted to take his pony out for a secret ride, when he'd tried to swipe some pastries from the kitchens... even the privy hadn't been safe! Every time he'd stopped moving, she'd grab his leg or tug on his clothes--and then every time he'd started moving, she wouldn't let go!

He'd ended up wasting all his precious after-supper time playing dolls with her. Dolls! Stupid girl games. Thank God his sister was a few years younger and had an earlier bedtime. Not much earlier, though. Stupid sister, wasting his whole day...

"Karlspan? What are you doing in here?"

A little guilty, Karlspan looked up. He'd never been caught in here before, but lucky for him, his father didn't look all that angry. Sad, and maybe tired... but not angry. "You should be in bed."

"I know," Karlspan mumbled, sitting up and slinging his feet off the couch.

"Of course you do." Sighing, his father shut the door. "Why are you here, son?"

He shrugged. "Hiding, I guess. None of the nannies ever come in here. I'm sorry, I just wanted to do something before I went to bed."

"You don't appear to be doing anything."

"I know." And that was even more frustrating. Sneaking around wasn't any fun, not really. "Can't I stay up and play a little longer? I didn't get to do anything fun today with Lia following me around."

"I realize that--and thank you for keeping an eye on her, by the way, even if that wasn't your intention." He shuffled over to the couch and sat, the heel of his boot nudging up against the frame. "I hope you'll forgive your mother and me. We were... rather preoccupied."

"With what?" It wasn't a bad question.

At least... it hadn't seemed like a bad question.

Grim, his father closed his eyes. "Your aunt is dead."

Karlspan's stomach turned to ice. Dead. It was one of those words that got thrown around in play a lot--"Zing! Shot you in the heart! You're dead!"--just another word for the sake of story, just another word that didn't mean much and no one thought anything of it. Real life... that was different. 'Dead' did mean something. It meant they were never coming back.

"Wh-which one?" Aunt Rianna with her sweet smiles and tasty biscuits? Aunt Holly and the bedtime stories no five-year-old boy could do without? Karlspan didn't want to know--not really.

"My sister in Naroni." His father blinked as if expecting a tear, but it never came. It had been a long day. Maybe he was out of tears to cry. "Your Aunt Elhina. You only met her once, when you were little--back when I was sick."

A little guilty, Karlspan looked away. He didn't remember much about when his father had been sick, other than being scared all the time. It wasn't something he wanted to remember, but if he'd been offered the chance in that moment, he would have taken it; it didn't feel right, forgetting the only time his aunt had been a part of his world.

"What happened to her?"

"She had a baby--a little boy, tiny runt of a thing. Something went wrong. She was gone before he even pushed through; they had to cut her open to get him out, the poor thing. It sounds like he survived, but they'll be keeping an eye on him." Karlspan squirmed. So much for thinking babies were happy things. Beside him, his father's knuckles were an eerie white. "I scarcely knew her. Your grandmother ran off when I was younger than you are and my sister was just a cramp in her stomach. I only ever saw her a handful of times."

He inched a little closer and buried a set of tickling fingers in Karlspan's armpit. In spite of everything, he couldn't help but cough out a few laughs. "You know why Lia followed you around all day?"

"'Cause you and Mama weren't around?"

"No--because she loves you." His father ruffled his hair, then pulled him a little closer. "That's what little sisters do. And you know what big brothers do?"

"Boss them around?" Not that Lia ever listened.

His father shook his head. "They watch out for their little sisters. The world is a cruel place and chances are, the only people you'll have for your whole life are your siblings. It's a tough role but someone has to fill it--and I already know you'll do a much better job than I did." He was trembling. If Karlspan closed his eyes, it was almost like being caught in a windstorm. "Just take care of her, all right? No matter what happens. Can you promise me that?"

Karlspan nodded. His father rubbed him on the shoulder. "That's my boy."

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