March 17, 1174
"This is nice."It was more than nice, actually--so much more. This was what Searle had wanted from the start. He loved the kisses, from the swift pecks to the steamy tongue-tangos, and Lord knew how he felt about the sex, but this--just sitting here, staring at the remains of a fire they hadn't bothered to maintain, Sparron's arm around him and no chance of anyone ever seeing--this was something else. Right here, right now, they weren't just friends who fucked. They weren't even lovers. They were something beyond that.
He just wished there could have been a point to saying it aloud. Maybe there would be one day. But for now... "Really nice."
"Mmm." Sparron pulled back his arm an inch or so. Was it starting to ache? Perhaps it would have been best if they switched sides. "Do you think they'll send anyone here when your stepmother has her baby?"Searle groaned inwardly. Then again, he supposed it wouldn't have been his Sparron if he didn't fret at least a little. "They think I'm out hunting, remember? Besides, if anyone comes, it'll be Lettie."
"You're sure?"
Laughing under his breath, he turned his head and landed a kiss on Sparron's jawline. "I'm sure--and before you ask, none of the guards know you're here and yes, your father does think you're off doing penance."
"But what if my father and your father end up talking about it?" Sparron's lip caught between his teeth. Rolling his eyes, Searle slumped down against his shoulder. "Do you think they'll find it suspicious if we're both supposedly out of the country at the same time?"As if that would happen. Searle's father knew perfectly well where they were. He'd have the sense not to mention Searle if the baron brought up Sparron's alibi. Not that Searle could tell Sparron that--the man was uncomfortable enough with Lettie knowing, and God only knew how he'd react if he found out that Searle's father also knew. All Searle could do was shrug it off and pretend it was nothing. "They don't have any reason to suspect anything."
"But what if--"
"Oh, you and your 'what if'." Searle hopped onto Sparron's lap and stared at him, smiling to himself. His eyes were the color of the sky before it rained. "Let's just forget about all that, all right? These few days are about you and me; let's just pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist for a while."NEXT CHAPTER:
18 comments:
I've got three Searle posts lined up in a row... only, three different Searles :S
I was originally going to make something happen that would make Sparron freak out and leave or Searle start crying or something, but I decided to cut these two a break for once.
Also--and I can't believe I forgot to mention this twice--goodbye_sun asked me to lead some discussions on Sim Haven. They'll be posted on the first of every month and they'll remain open like any other blog post. They'll usually tie in to the theme of the monthly challenge at the community. Since this month's challenge involves robots and androids, the first discussion is a bit specific to sci-fi writers, but I expect most of them will be more general.
Anyway, discussions can be found here.
It is nice to see these two in a relatively calm and peaceful situation but I can't help wonder how long before Sparron will fall back into that dark depression. What they have right now is going to be so short-lived. While I think Searle's intentions are good and loving, I hope it won't cause more harm in the long run :(
LOL at my captcha word - pingl
Yeah, I wouldn't count on things staying like this for very long :(
Searle has only the best intentions, but he's young and head-in-the-cloudsy and not very practical, which might cause some problems later on :(
Heeeee captcha words... :P
I'm glad you didn't have anything bad happen to them this time, that would just be...well, mean! :P
While reading this I was kinda wondering what it would be like if this was Sparrons POV. I don't know why I was thinking that but I know it would have been different, more nervous. But it would have, I think, been more touching to hear him let loose and just love Searle....
I figured they could use the break. Plus there's enough drama coming up as it is :S
Sparron's POV would have been drastically different, for sure. It would have been nice if he could have just let loose, but I can't imagine he would ever fully do that.
True. Sparrons POV would have been on edge. Constantly second guessing every move.
Most likely. Poor kid :(
They needed this break -- and more importantly, I think we needed to read it. ;) After all, isn't it always important to write for your audience?
Gayl, if more harm happens in the long run, I don't know if I would blame Searle or anything Searle did. Sparron is gay is gay is gay (or at least, I think that's what Van has said in the past -- help me, Van?). He's living in a place and time where being gay is not ok, unless you're Severin/Lettie and don't care. He has mental health issues, some of which may be environmental (lack of acceptance for who he is) and some of which may be straight-up hereditary (Medea) and are probably, at least to some extent, a mix of both. Searle has no control over any of these things.
Searle's in a position where he can only react, and no matter what way he reacts, it can blow up in his face. He could have left Sparron ... well, we saw what happened the last time he didn't see or talk to Sparron for a while. He could try to ease him off gently, but that eventually does lead to leaving Sparron, and again, we saw what happened the last time he tried or semi-tried that. He's doing the best he can with the resources he has.
Anyway, there's my two cents, take it or leave it. ;)
True--you guys needed the break too ;)
But yeah, I don't think anything can be really Searle's fault--or Sparron's, for that matter, unless being uncomfortable with himself is something he can help. Whatever Searle does or doesn't do, something bad is bound to happen :(
(And yep--Sparron has pretty much no sexual interest in women. He and Camaline must have had to get drunk out of their minds on their wedding night. Searle, on the other hand, is probably around the 2-3 range on the Kinsey scale.)
It's like a whole train of Searles!
I am glad to see Sparron considerably less on edge for once. :D
And in increasing order of angsty-ness too!
Yeah, it was a relief to see Sparron trying. He's not quite there, but he's trying.
Okay so according to that Kinsey scale thing Searle is only gay b/c he just so happen to fall in love with Sparron. Right? I think that may be why Searle has an easier time accepting who he is. I could be way off on this but, to me, it seems his mindset would be 'Well, I love women but I just happen to also love this one man. Okay it happens'. Whereas Sparron has to deal more with the 'Why don't I feel anything for the women around me?' sort of thing. Well that and what morgaine was talking about (environmental/Medea genes)
Does that make sense? It does in my head. :P
I think we'd have to see Searle with some man other than Sparron to be absolutely sure, but right now he strikes me as being more or less bisexual (still leaning toward the heterosexual side, though). Sparron on the other hand... yeah, he's not into women at all and that makes him think there's something wrong with him. That plus his genetics is giving him hell right now :(
Let me just be clear about my comment - I wasn't implying that Searle was doing anything wrong nor was I laying blame at his feet if things do go sideways. I believe his intentions were honorable and good and loving. My point was that it would be sad and possibly inevitable that Sparron will fall back into the abyss when their sojourn is over.
I am not laying blame at anyone's feet.
I didn't think you were laying blame. You were pretty spot-on, actually. Searle has only the best intentions, but they're kind of guaranteed to blow up in his face no matter what happens :(
Sorry about the confusion :S
I don't know what to say about the whole mess. I'd glad they have a moment together, but Searle certainly isn't very practical. I sort of think it will be partially his fault when the bottom falls out of everything. This is not a relationship that can work. If Sparron falls into deep dark despair, well he will probably do that no matter what Searle does, and at least he'd be safer if they didn't continue to meet.
Poor kids.
Van, no worries. I should know better than to try and post a coherent comment when I am anything but coherent. I just didn't want anyone thinking I was laying blame on Searle for anything that happens. He has such good intentions but he is young and has no idea really about what will happen beyond the present. I'm sure he hopes this will fix things permanently and it won't.
Beth: Searle is definitely not very practical. He's young and idealistic, but Sparron is pretty much doomed to fall back into old patterns of depression and repression and general moodiness. And I think Sparron knows this, which was partially why he tried to break things off with Searle the last time we saw them.
They could both use a hug :(
Gayl: No worries--and again, sorry about that. It really didn't sound like you were laying blame at all.
But yeah, Searle's very much living in the present right now. There's no permanent fix as things stand now, but he fails and/or refuses to see that :(
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