December 2, 2015

In Which Florian Has the Best Day Ever

June 21, 1196

"Look, if there really is a God, and you really did piss Him off, killing Rina would be the least imaginative way for an all-powerful deity to punish you." If Florian still had to explain things like that, then he'd failed as a father. At least they'd had Thetis. "I don't know, maybe one of these days you'll wake up with a pair of butterfly wings or something. But Rina's not going to die."

Severin squirmed, dull brown sleeve rustling against its dull brown tunic. Maybe when Rina did survive this dangerous pregnancy, he'd start wearing some more interesting clothes. "There are negative outcomes other than death."

"Again--not going to happen. That punishes Rina, not you."

"Oh, yes, because Rina's never been unjustly punished before."

"Hey, not everything needs a rhyme and reason to it. Maybe God got bored and left us for some other stupid mortal species, and now we're subject to the whims of chaos. If I were God, I would have ditched our sorry asses eons ago, and don't pretend you wouldn't have done the same; you're even more miserable than I am."

"I'm not miserable; I'm just pissed off." As if the uncalled-for thud of his foot didn't say it even better. Not that Florian much minded the motion. It wasn't his floor, and it was an ugly floor anyway. God, this baby was doomed to suffer from horrible taste! "Pissed off, and I'll be a wreck if she dies. I'll be a wreck, and she'll be dead, and I suppose Mother will have to take the baby in because I'll be too drunk off my own self-pity to even care."

"Not going to happen, son. I've had more than enough whining babies under my roof to volunteer to raise someone else's."

"Besides," chimed Thetis's voice from the opening bedroom door, "none of that happened. Rina's as well as any woman I've ever seen."

Ha! There was nothing quite like being right. "Told you. Now, have fun raising one of these perpetual noise-and-shit machines, then apologizing to me for your mere existence. Thetis, what kind is it?"

It was only when her eyes rolled that he noticed just how alike she and Severin looked. "The human kind, Florian."

Florian sniffed. "No need to be snide."

"Never mind that. Severin, come hold the baby."

He did as he was told, probably only because he'd been told, despite the fact he hated doing as he was told. The news of Rina's survival must have rendered him oblivious to everything else. Now might have been an excellent time for Florian to bury his face in Thetis's breasts. "Babies. I guess this one is at least half Rina."

Rina, Rina, Rina. God, Florian's kids were pains in his ass even when they were happy. "It's also half me."

"Nice math, Father."

That was Alina's voice. Florian scowled. "Alina, stop questioning my math and tell me what kind of baby this is."

"That baby, Father?

"Or this one?"

HA! Somehow, the world was a better place knowing that Severin of all people was now stuck with twins. "Both would be nice. Also, I think we've figured out God's plan for Severin's punishment now."

"I guess two half-Rinas makes a whole Rina, right, brother?" Alina teased.

"Anything that stops my eye from twitching."

That, apparently, did not. Florian rubbed his hands together in glee. "I hope they're just as bad as you two were. Now, what kinds are they? Same kind? Different kinds?"

"Same, different? Which baby, compared to which baby?"

Oh, that would have been too good.

Far, far too good! And not. "All right, now there are three of them? And I don't know what kind any of them are?"

At least he knew Severin was probably never going to loose that stunned perma-blink. "Three of them? Really? Three?"

"Three! Hooray, we can all count!" Three new Florians. Or Florianas. Or hell, they could call the girls Florian too, if any of them were girls. It was a manly man's name, but it wasn't ugly. "But seriously, what kinds are they?"

"Father, I think the quantity is the more pressing concern."

Quantity. Florian snorted. "Talk to me about quantity when you have thirteen."

"Most of your thirteen came one at a time." Severin finally managed to curb his rapid-fire eyes--shut. Probably because the inside of his eyelids was now the last baby-free view in his world. "Three. Three. I can't deal with three babies."

"Good thing you don't have three babies, then."

Severin's eyes shot right back open.

"...This seriously can't be happening."

But it was. And God... Florian fucking loved it.

"This is the best day ever!" His most annoying child, now the father of quadruplets. Or more? Nah--surely the world wasn't that kind. "See, that's what you get for yelling at God. Now, are any of you going to tell me what kinds any of them are? Or do I have to unswaddle them myself?"

NEXT CHAPTER:

11 comments:

Van said...

I was on the fence about Rina and Severin having kids, but then the idea of Severin with an absurd number of multiples hit, and I Just.Couldn't.Resist. XD

In answer to Florian's most pressing question, the oldest quad (the one Thetis brought out) and the youngest (the one Renata brought out) are girls, while the middle two are boys. Their birth announcement, profiles, and tags will show up after the next post, because their parents won't have named them until then. ;)

Orilon said...

Yikes, I would say Quads would be punishment enough for someone that doesn't like kids without Rina dying. This is going to be interesting to see how he and Rina cope with this.

Ann said...

Four!! O.O Oh sweet mercy!
This truly is suitable punishment. ^^ Be careful what you wish for, indeed! XD

(poor Severin... ^^)

Van said...

Orilon: I struggle to imagine many people who might otherwise be definite "Family Sims" consciously wanting quadruplets, never mind someone like Severin with a "Does Not Like Kids" trait.

Luckily for everyone, the euphoria over Rina's survival will ultimately be Severin's defining emotion where the quads are concerned, even when they're driving him up the wall (which will be often).

As for Rina... well, I'm sure she was as over-the-moon as a woman in labor can get when the at least second baby was first announced, knowing that she would in fact have more than one child without needing more odds-defying pregnancies. That said, there would have been a point where she may have feared she was having a litter (and there will probably be many, many moments of wishing she could have dealt with one baby at a time).

Ann: Severin will need that sweet mercy! And oh boy, will he be careful with his wishes from now on. XD

I suspect Thetis will be practically living with Severin and Rina for a while. Four babies would be waaaaay too much for two first-time parents to handle without help, especially when the non-birthing (and therefore probably less exhausted) parent is as wary of children in general as Severin is. :S

lyricalnerd said...

I haven't commented before, but I've been reading Naroni for a while (a year, maybe?). I just had to comment now because OH MY GOD QUADS. Rina is one of my favorites, so I'm very happy for her (yay not dying), and LOL at Severin. Florian is awesome.

Emma said...

Hello :)

I haven't commented in a while but I still really enjoy your story :D

I just cracked up reading this and wanted to let you know how much you and Naroni and all it's chaos are appreciated :)

Van said...

lyricalnerd: Welcome! :D

Heehee... quads will probably a once-in-a-century thing for pre-fertility treatment era Naroni, but this was the perfect opportunity for the one time this century.

I'm not against making characters suffer for a while, but there's a point where enough is enough, and Rina's suffered enough in this regard. So, nope... no killing her off. Rina gets a well-deserved break. :)

Though, she'll still have Florian to deal with. XD

Emma: No worries! There's no comment roll call here. :D

Thanks! The chaos of Naroni is a nice break from my own real life, and I'm glad other people enjoy it. :)

Winter said...

I KNEW there had to be something interesting going on since the preview pic was a relatively happy Severin holding a baby. I never expected quads!

I'm thrilled for Rina. Not only does she get the kids she did want, she's done it in spectacular fashion. If she wasn't about to be so busy with four newborns, she'd almost have to go back to Dovia and make every last monk and doctor eat crow. Hopefully Felron is having a particularly crispy day in Hell, too.

Severin... well, be careful what you wish for. This is Naroni. You never mentioned not torturing you, and that starts with your father rubbing it in for all time. But the 'Rina lives' factor ought to be enough to get him through the worst. And maybe he'll even find a like mind or two in the quads. (God forbid he finds a little Florian!)

Van said...

Severin never expected quads either. :)

Oh, it would be fantastic if Rina had the time to go back and inform those fellows of the news firsthand! But, news of the Count of Tagrien's sister giving birth to four babies at once is bound to spread through Dovia pretty quickly once Arkon gets a letter, and Renata probably got right to work on that letter the second she got home. Those fellows are in for quiiiite the professional embarrassment. ;)

As for Felron, he's in for the fresh torture of knowing that his daughter produced four babies in a single pregnancy and not one of them was even sort of named for him. This after Arkon's first son was named for Cladelia's father, and that his second son was named for the guy who blackmailed him with his lack of personal endowment. Any demon who's been personally assigned to Felron is in for some fun times. :D

Definite best case scenario for Rina! Her own survival and normal recovery, plus a multiple birth yielding all healthy babies. Severin... yeah, ought to have been careful for what he wished for. But yeah, Rina lives, and Rina is happy, so that should push him past the fact that there's four babies and a Florian to deal with. And while the quads are all half Rina, they're all half Severin too, so odds are good that he'll find at least one of them genuinely empathetic.

Kayla nunes said...

Oh my god I love Florian. And freaking quads! It's going to be so interesting see how these four grow up with influences from both Sev AND Florian.

Van said...

These kids are bound to be some characters, that's for sure. XD