July 5, 2013

In Which Viridis Does Not Presume

February 3, 1182

That had been Viridis's sixth run down to the privy that morning. She'd woken to a burst of nausea that she'd barely managed to contain before she was safely downstairs, and then her breakfast had been delayed twice. Just as well, seeing as she hadn't kept it down anyway. At least Searle had only been around to see the first two. Sweet of him, though, rushing out to get something from the herbalist.

Days like this had been rearing their ugly heads since some time in November. That sounded about the time her monthly had disappeared. On a logical level, she knew what that was supposed to mean, but she didn't want to think that. She didn't want to hope it. She certainly hadn't told Searle, for all he might have been wondering himself.

That damn crib still hadn't moved. Seven years of no babies and it hadn't moved. Still there, taunting her. And now she was sick and her courses were gone and the second she started feeling comfortable with the stupid thing, that would be when that telling red stain showed up on her sheets again. Why hadn't she had it chopped down to kindling years ago?

Oh, right. That would have been giving up.

But hadn't she given up already? If she hadn't, wouldn't she have been over the moon about not having bled in three months? That was a third of a baby right there! Some women had named theirs by that point.

But if she named hers... hell, if she even dared guess as to whether it was a boy or a girl...

Or if she even acknowledged that it was either a boy or a girl, and not just some horrid, deceptive stomach flu...

No. Not 'acknowledged'. 'Presumed'. Yes, that was it. She would not presume. Unless there was a red, screaming, perfect infant in her arms come August, she would think it nothing.

But if it was nothing, then why was she still thinking about it?



Van said...

More rain. :S

Winter said...

Rain, rain, go away. Really.

Poor Viridis. Telling Searle might mean confronting the possible existence of this almost-baby, but that would be much better than living inside her head. It's a bit of a paradox. Acknowledging it means possible heartbreak, but Viridis might fare better with support from Searle and her family. I would hate to see her end up the way Alina did when she hid her misery from Severin. She doesn't need the extra strain on her health for sure.

Fingers crossed for an occupant for the cradle!

Van said...

It has certainly outstayed its welcome. :S Not nearly as bad as before, though.

Viridis can't really win either way, at least how she sees it. She's been burned before in this department and doesn't think she could go through that again, but at the same time, it's a tough burden to bear alone, especially given her general medical history.

Of Alina's daughters, I do think that Viridis is the most like her mother in terms of general temperament (not necessarily personality--I think that would be Vera--but you know what I mean). She is absolutely at risk for that kind of misery, but who knows? Maybe things will get better for Viridis if and when the baby is existent, alive, and tangible.

Anonymous said...

Yay for some ... Quasi-happy news on the Naroni front! Well, technically the Carvallon front, but you know what I mean.

Viridis has every reason to be anxious and not daring to hope, but I've got my fingers crossed for her. Maybe this time, things will be different. She'll probably start to show soon, and doesn't the chance of miscarriage go down after that? Then again, with Viridis's health ... Unfortunately, anything is possible.

I wonder if Arydath might possibly like a seaside holiday? I hear Carvallon is wonderful this time of year. And she's Viridis and Searle's aunt! She and Tarien could stay with them! ;)

Van said...

I have no idea about the chances of miscarriage as pregnancy progresses, but I would assume that the "danger zone" for miscarriage is early on (at least, before it would be a stillbirth instead?)? Viridis is almost through a full trimester, so hopefully she's at least sort of in the clear? Alas, I can't be sure of the exact medical facts. :S

Arydath could probably use a seaside vacation, but Naroni is going through another baby boom this year (soooo many pregnant ladies on that list) and I don't know if she'll be able to get away any time soon. But I'm sure that there's at least one sufficiently competent midwife within a reasonable distance of Viridis.