In Which Searle Sets Aside the Here-and-There Thing

February 10, 1182

"I'm not--"

"I know." If only because she was a recent widow for the second time over, Searle strained to ignore the fact that his mother had seen Ren nudge him back out the door to brace him for a minute in the hallway. What had she supposed they were talking about? The weather? "I know you don't intend to stay here."

She nodded--not that he didn't trust Ren, but the source was dubious. Nonetheless, it was a relief to know firsthand that his mother did not expect that of him; however deep the reasons he had, his contemporaries would not have stood for it if she had asked and he'd refused. "I just... there was no reason for the children and me to stay in Naroni. They're having supper in the kitchens now."

"I see." So she'd remembered her children this time. It was petty to be bitter, but old agony never bowed to circumstance, and his mother would never know the difference anyway. "Have you considered asking in Valcria?"

"No. I couldn't do that to my parents, not with the state of things there." His brother must not have told her about the state of things here. "I will find somewhere else; I just need some help. It's been a while since I've lived in Dovia."

"No one is more aware of that than I."

His mother's head drooped, her blond braid dangling across her chest with the same limp, alien resignation that lurked about the rest of her. That might have been too much. "Searle..."

"No. That was out of line. I'm sorry." Sorry for saying it, at least. For saying it today of all days. But it was a mistake for which he could atone. "I shall have a house built for you. It won't be as luxurious as what you're used to, but it will be large enough and comfortable enough for you and the children. I'll send for an architect first thing tomorrow. I suppose you'll have to stay here tonight, but after that..."

After that what? What had he been about to say? He'd probably been about to tell her to stay with Ietrin, but Ietrin was in no state to be housing grieving relations--not when Ietrin's own daughters, as of three months prior, were officially Searle's wards. And Laralita was in no state to hear about that.

Then again, she would find out anyway. The girls' presence here would not go unnoticed long. "Would a distraction be helpful?"

"A distraction?" Her lips pouted, as if she were somehow unfamiliar with the concept. Then again, when had she ever been swamped? That required depths he'd never glimpsed in her. "What sort of a distraction?"

"Ietrin needs help. Running his lands, I mean. And his household, and everything." She blinked. Sure enough, that had never made it into Ietrin's letters. Perhaps Searle should have swallowed his pride and written her himself. "He hasn't be the same since Ramona died."

"Oh."

In his own head, Searle winced. What an idiotic thing to say. Clearly, the Laralita standing before him knew exactly how Ietrin felt.

But whatever blow-up or crying fit he braced himself for, it didn't happen. His mother only swallowed. "I suppose I could help him with the household, and it might be a good experience for Farilon and Conant to help him with the lands. I do owe it to him, don't I? I did miss his entire life."

"Well... that is neither here nor there." It wasn't. It was here and there and everywhere. For now, though, he'd have to set that aside. He didn't need that on top of everything else. "But he can use all the help he can get, and it might be good for you to take your mind off of things while your new house is being built. I'm sorry if that isn't as convenient as you'd hoped."

She sighed. "Nothing in this past while has been convenient."

Searle nodded. "I know."

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