September 29, 1175
"And here I was thinking my steward was playing a joke on me." Searle had a smile that rendered evening stars insignificant. Even Sparron's dead heart wasn't quite immune to the surge that smile spurred, fluttering around in its hollow cavity like a dry autumn leaf or some pathetic one-winged butterfly--not that it stayed airborne for long. "It's been a while since you called. How have you been?"
Sparron pulled himself off the couch and shrugged. Awful. Horrible. Grasping for any semblance of sense he could find only to watch it all slip away. Of course, Searle couldn't know that. "Well enough. Happy birthday, by the way."
Searle's mouth faltered somewhat, his eyes receding under a slight squint. "You remembered."
He always remembered. He usually made a point to 'forget'. "Can we talk?"
That must have thrown Searle for a loop. After a stunned couple of seconds, he nodded. "Of course we can talk. What do you want to talk about?"
Nothing. Everything. What the hell did it matter at this point? Best to just get it over with. "I just wanted to apologize."
The words snuffed the light in Searle's face with all the ease of a gust on a candle. He'd known before making up his mind to come that Searle was going to get hurt--he always did--but if he did this now, then he'd never have to hurt him again. It had to be a clean break. Searle had already been through enough. "Sparron..."
"No, I mean it." Sparron caught a glance of Searle's wedding ring, then took to fidgeting with his own. Sometimes it seemed like a cage or a weight, but today it didn't feel like anything. It was just a ring. "I'm sorry that I keep ruining your life and I don't want to do that anymore. I just want you to be happy, and I think you could be if I wasn't holding you back."
"Oh." That was it. No tears, no pleas, just a knowing frown. Searle had grown up--not that it should've been a surprise. He'd always been the stronger one, even when he'd been the weaker one. "I see."
Sparron twitched his mouth into what he'd meant as a reassuring grin, but it probably just looked awkward. It had been a while since he'd smiled. "Again, I'm sorry. I just feel you'll be better off."
Searle only sighed. "If you say so."
Though he held his head high, a sparkle in the corner of his eye hinted at a tear waiting to fall. Maybe the poor kid wasn't so grown up after all. Maybe that made this all the more necessary. Still... "Searle."
The blue eyes opened, though a rapid blinking kept the tears at bay. "I, uh..." Sparron glanced down at his wedding band again. He what? He wasn't sure why he felt the urge to say something, but it was making him uncomfortable. "I... well... what I wanted to--" What? This wasn't working. "Just... take care of yourself, all right?"
Searle took a minute to look him over. His face was illegible to the point of being frustrating, but maybe that was for the best. The last thing Sparron needed was to read further into this. "You too."
NEXT CHAPTER:
7 comments:
I think we're finally in the home stretch of 1175. Maybe.
If this is the end of the Searle-Sparron relationship -- never mind story -- I'll give all my students A's.
I wonder what's going on in Searle's head? Is he just used to Sparron breaking things off, so he's become numb to it? Or is he starting to get a sense, like Jadin did, that something's not right with Sparron? It'll be interesting the next time we get into Searle's head.
And speaking of getting into people's heads ... my god, poor Sparron. He really is depressed. :( I don't suppose any of his uncles (being the whole of the church of Naroni) might make up for their womanizing and supreme indiscretion by actually being a good counselor? Sparron's gotta talk to somebody, or he'll just go catatonic. :(
Although what's Tavrin been up to lately? ;)
Honestly? I don't think they'll be over until one of them dies--if even then :S
I think this time is a little different though. Most of the time, when Sparron decides it's time for a break, it's a snap decision--Searle did something "wrong" and pushed him to the point where he "had" to stop it. This was premeditated and a gradual decision and I think Searle got that. That and maybe he does have some sense that Sparron's got other problems. I guess we'll see :S
Sparron :( I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't know if he'll ever get better and I don't know if there's anything anyone can do to help. Even Tavrin is a stretch at this point. Maybe Deian could do something, but even if he comes back, that's a stretch :S
Oh man. I can't imagine how hard things are going to be for Sparron now :(. And somehow I don't think that Searle is going to take this all that lightly. Dammit... these two were meant to be together. Stupid world that's preventing them from doing that :(
I don't think either of them are about to catch a break any time soon :(
They were totally meant to be together. Poor kids were born in the wrong place at the wrong time :(
All these years of wondering and here it ends. I knew it had to, i knew it would it's just...I have been upset about Sparron all day today; alternating between actual tears and just sadness. I know that seems like much but really YEARS of my life I wondered about them and hoped.
So yeah. I guess this is a compliment to your writing and characters.
Well... it's the end for now. With Sparron and Searle, it's never really over for long. ;)
I'm flattered that the story stuck with you for so long, but I'm sorry that it's been causing you grief. :S
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