In Which Severin Orders His Concerns

May 4, 1170

It had been quite some time since Severin had last entered the nursery off the corner of the master bedroom. Over three years now--the last time he recalled being in this room, Alina had been with him.

And yet, it looked much the same as it always had. The same cribs--Raia's which had passed to Lonriad, Jadin's which had passed to Riona, Searle's which had passed to Vera, and a fourth that had only ever held Viridis--still stood, though the better part of a decade had gone by since any of them had been used. The old toy ark still sat on the fur rug, its accompanying figures in the same positions the children had last left them. If Severin focused long and hard enough, he could almost see them playing in front of him, hear them laughing and crying and fighting. So many memories...

The most recent was of Alina, mere weeks before he'd lost her. She'd stood over the cribs and pressed her fingers against the tiny mattresses, flitting back and forth between them to determine which was the most perfect for her baby's back--just soft enough, just firm enough. She'd then placed her hand to her still-flat middle and sighed with a contentment he would have never dreamed of shattering back then. Oh, what he might have told her if he'd known then what he knew now!

No. It would not have helped; he'd doomed her the second he'd knocked her up.

He wondered where she was now, and what she was doing. Who was she with? Was he taking care of her? With an anxious dread, he doubted it; he did not think he could trust the Lord God Himself with the protection of his princess. He certainly hadn't pulled through the last time.

"I'm surprised to find you here."

Shoving his melancholy to the back of his mind, Severin sat upright and smiled as Nora stepped into the nursery. "I believe I'm growing a bit nostalgic in my old age."

Nora smirked. "Old age? You won't even be forty for another two years."

"Two and a half, thank you very much."

"Two and five twelfths, more like." She stuck out her tongue, a mischievous sparkle in her aquamarine eyes. "Don't distort the facts by rounding."

Severin laughed. "Damn you."

He hoisted himself to his feet and greeted her with a quick but firm peck on the lips. "You were looking for me?"

She nodded, her smile falling as her head rose. After the initial joking exchange, she seemed to have grown uncomfortable; he hoped it was nothing too serious. "I have to tell you something."

"Oh?" He tucked a strand of her artfully disheveled hair behind her ear and proceeded to stroke the side of her face with the back of his hand. "Good news?"

Nora's frown deepened. "You won't think so."

"Try me."

She drummed her fingers across his wrist and considered. She had a habit of biting her lip when she was deep in thought, which he privately found adorable; she probably would have been embarrassed if he told her that, though. "Nora..."

Her small hand wrapped itself around his arm and lowered it to his side. She met his eyes and exhaled. "I'm pregnant."

Though scarcely more than mouthed, those two words coiled themselves into a thick rope and constricted his heart, choking from it such a burst of blood that he could only step back and stare at her. No. No, this couldn't be right. He thought he'd been careful; he'd promised himself that he wouldn't let his instincts get the best of him. What if this was just like the last time? What if he killed her--what if he'd sentenced her to death already?

He had barely managed to survive the first time, and had still not recovered. He doubted he ever would. He also doubted he could stand to go through that hell again. "Oh, God."

In front of him, Nora's gaze fell to the floor. "I'm sorry."

Severin shook his head; an apology was the last thing he cared to hear from her pretty mouth. "Don't be. I was there too."

She nodded, but she didn't look reassured. Poor darling. She had far more cause to be afraid than he did. "I shouldn't have told you."

Well, this wouldn't do. Troubled as he was by this revelation, he couldn't have her drowning in baseless guilt for months to come; he stepped forward and masked himself with the widest grimace he could manage.

"Well, it isn't as if you could have hid it from me forever," he assured her. "You had to tell me--besides, I'm happy with this if you are." Nothing in her face betrayed her as convinced; he'd have to keep trying. "Are you happy?"

Nora shrugged. "I guess. Are you sure, though?"

"I'm sure." It was a lie and she probably knew it, but it was the best he could offer just then.

"All right, then." She lifted her lips into a ghost of a grin, as if attempting a joke. "Do you think we have space for a twelfth kid?"

He leaned toward her and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "We'll make some."

She let her forehead fall to his shoulder and sighed. He figured she realized that space was the least of his concerns.

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