In Which Seoth Hears Some Interesting Tidbits

August 31, 1169

"All right, Sextus, out with it!" Father Septimus demanded, pounding the counter-top with such force that Seoth made a mental note to inspect it for cracks later. He knew he was being somewhat paranoid, but it wasn't as if he hadn't had to pay for enough property damage after Florian had gotten it into his head to breed rabbits in the broom cupboard. That had been months ago, and Seoth had chased most of them out by this point, but every now and then a suspicious set of teeth marks on a table leg or banister that indicated the lingering presence of one or two of the little bastards. "Let's hear this so-called amusing anecdote of yours, and make it quick--there's a young lady back in my chapel who's just been begging to confess, if you catch my drift."

Seoth placed his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes. The priests came to his inn every month or so, normally to get roaring drunk and shout some of the people's more intimate confessions for all to hear. Not for the first time, he wondered if it was morally wrong to refuse service to clergymen; he supposed that at the very least, they'd never been around at the same time as Florian.

"Yes, Sextus." Father Quartus took a swig from his pint, then drove it back down with a thud! Seoth cringed--why couldn't all the troublemakers bother some other innkeeper once in a while? "And hurry it up, because I have a funny story myself--you'll never guess what duke's secretary has been up to lately."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Father Sextus muttered back. "Both of his mistresses live in my parish, you know."

Quartus sniffed. "Not what I was talking about, but all right. Now, just tell your damn story."

"Fine, fine--keep your robes on!" Sextus reclined as best he could on the barstool and took a sip of wine. "Now, picture this: piss-drunk wedding."

Quartus groaned. Beside him, Father Quintus shook his head in an exasperated fashion. "Sextus, you live in Veldorashire--you get a piss-drunk wedding every week."

Seoth caught sight of a smirk on Sextus's face. "Aye... but this time, it isn't so much what happened as who it was, if you follow. So anyway, it was about three hours ago, and this pair stumbles into my chapel, and they're both--"

"--drunk out of their minds, their hair all disheveled, bits of clothing about to fall off and slobbering all over each other," Septimus finished for him. "Sextus, you tell this story every time I see you. Now, out with it--who got impulsively and half-wittingly shackled together until death do them part this time?"

His brother laughed. "Easy, I was just getting to that. Anyway, they barge right up to me and demand for--"

"We know, we know!" Quartus clapped his hand to his forehead and moaned. "Just tell us who it was!"

"Fine, I get it--you don't like my set-up." Annoyed, Sextus grabbed the goblet in front of him and drained it. "Anyway, it was his lordship and his maid."

Seoth frowned. He'd been an innkeeper long enough to have heard more than his fair share of crazy things, but this was beyond belief. Nora, that curvy, deliciously blunt little scamp who could drink any man under the table and had once broken a jar over the baker's head--Lady Veldora. The very idea was so absurd that his impulses were stumped for a proper reaction. Nora, Lady Veldora; there had to have been some mistake.

Septimus let it out an appreciative guffaw. "Ha! The king's not going to be very happy about that!"

"Indeed--why else do you think I let them get married when they were that drunk?"

"Why do you ever let people get married when they're that drunk?" Seoth inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Sextus shot him an annoyed glare. "Do you mind? I'm trying to have a private conversation here!"

Now would have been an excellent time for someone else--anyone else--to walk in, but knowing his luck, no one did. Seoth pushed his hair out of his face and shook his head. "A little loud to be all that private, but what do I know? I'm only the man who owns this place and sells you spirits."

"Damn right!" Sextus snapped before turning back to his brothers. "Anyway, I doubt they'll even remember this in the morning. They were absolutely soused stupid; I wouldn't be surprised if one of them dies in the night."

"Well, that would work out just fine for you--you'd get a fare for both a wedding and a funeral!" noted Quintus.

Satisfied, Sextus grinned smugly. "And to think, all the people believe that those fares go straight to the orphanage, when really they're just funding our underground cockfights!" Well, that was an interesting tidbit--if there was one good thing about these priests, it was that they often provided plenty of blackmail material. "But really, I don't know how I'm going to keep myself from laughing the next time I see either of them--they won't even be aware of their own marital status."

"But that happens with every drunk that gets married in your chapel in the dead of the night," Septimus pointed out. "There's a man in this shire unknowingly married to his cat, for God's sake! The fletcher's betrothed is already wed to that traveling salesman who sells the funny mushrooms, and even old Seoth is an unwitting bigamist!"

Seoth cringed in horror. "What?"

"Seriously--private conversation!" snarled Sextus. "What the hell's wrong with you, you great stupid eavesdropping lummox? Anyway, it's different this time--I mean, imagine being a lady and never even knowing it! And the king wanted Lord Severin to marry some other girl, so what if he marries her two? There'll be two Lady Veldoras!"

"Oy!" piped up Quartus suddenly from the end of the counter. "You know what would be absolutely hilarious?"

Quintus turned to face him, and odd sort of smile on his mouth. "What?"

"What if we told the king about this?"

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