In Which Ellona Assumes the Opposite Reason

August 28, 1181

"My favorite sister-in-law!" Well... Ellona hadn't met any of Casimiro's sisters. Except Catalina, of course, but if Ellona had to keep reminding herself that they'd met, then clearly she'd failed to make an impression. In any case--well, she wouldn't tell Casimiro, but she did prefer Tivie. By far. "Thank God you're here! Some will tell you otherwise, but take it from me: there is no worse company in the world than a kicking infant!"
As the embrace broke, Tivie grimaced. Ellona kicked herself. Perhaps the joke had been bad form--Tivie and Neilor had been married a while now, and her stomach was still flat as ever. But certainly Tivie wasn't the sort of woman who spent all of her time fretting about getting pregnant? Indeed, she was probably the type who might not have been keen to get on with it, favoring her own pursuits?

Then again, Ellona once assumed the same about Xeta.

"I can imagine. But, uh... should we sit? For your comfort, of course."

Ellona had been sitting all week, but Tivie seemed eager to get off her feet, so she supposed she could oblige--if only as a fair penance for the thoughtless comment. "Very well."

She took to the nearer couch while Tivie took the other, perpendicular to her. Her profile betrayed an unease unfitting of her; it wasn't long before her voice confirmed. "Ellona, I'll admit that a casual visit is only a pretense. I need to speak with you about something important, and I prefer it if we're alone."

"All right. But I should warn you, I'm not good with advice."

"Who is? But I figured it was either you or Neilor, and this isn't something I want to be bothering him about if possible. I'm sure he'll be doing enough worrying without my help."

Ellona snorted. That did sound like Neilor. "He does worry a lot for a man."

"Perhaps, but he's a good judge of what merits worry--usually." That was true. Casimiro was the same. Most men who worried, it seemed, weren't so good at picking their concerns. Ietrin came to mind right away.

"Even the best have their slips. What is it you don't want to worry him with?"

"Well..." Ah, the pause. This would be awkward. "Your mother. She was always rather...?"

"Horrible?" Tivie flushed. Alas, it wasn't anything Ellona hadn't come to terms with long ago. "Yes. Why?"

"Well, my mother was great, as was my stepfather. My father, though... you know." Her fingernail caught on cushion's embroidery. Ellona hoped Casimiro wasn't too attached to the pattern. "I know he was troubled, but he still abandoned us. That's not the sort of thing you can forget."

Ellona shook her head. "No, probably not."

"So... growing up with that in a parent, I'm not really sure if..." Tivie's hand fluttered over her stomach. Ellona blinked. So that comment had been inappropriate for the opposite reason.

But at least she could maybe help? "You're... worried that you won't be able to be the mother your baby deserves?"

A nod. "I mean, my father must have wanted to be a good father at some point, but then he just gave up. What if I'm not any stronger?"

Then at least she would only be a weak parent--not a cruel one. "I don't think you're a flight risk like your father, Tivie."

"I came here on a whim, didn't I? Twice."

"Those weren't whims. The first time was for closure. The second time was for love. I wouldn't call either of those whims." Her sister-in-law shrugged. She wasn't convinced, but that would take time. Kaldar had been more than visible before Ellona had overcome her dread of becoming Elarys, if she ever really had. Once Tivie told him, Neilor would have to deal with the same problem. "You're not going to run away on your baby, and Neilor's not going to become a manipulative bastard. You're going to be great parents."

"You sound like my mother." From what Ellona knew of Tivie's mother, that was a compliment. She could cling to that in her own moments of self-doubt. "I wish I was more like you, and like her. You're both so genuine. I think I seem more confident than I actually am."

Maybe she was. But it took courage to admit to a lack of confidence, and courage was the bigger thing. Wasn't it?

"I think most of us do."

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