In Which Hilla Reminds Herself of Worse

January 6, 1181

Apparently only hosting by proxy, Riona and Isidro had been relegated to the center seats of their own table. Not having met Eliana before--despite Hilla riding over to warn her the second Casimiro had dropped by with the invitation--Riona had laid the foundation for a protest, and some part of Hilla wished she had gone through with it. But she hadn't forgotten the one time her mother-in-law had dropped by for a couple weeks to stay with her and Bernardo, so whatever it was she secretly craved she knew it was a bad idea. And Isidro had known too, not so much as glancing at his usual seat as they'd entered the dining hall. As far as Eliana was concerned, Casimiro was the host; he was simply borrowing Isidro's finished, useable dining room, a luxury he lacked and that Isidro ought to have been grateful to have.

Then again, perhaps all of that was merely excuse to ensure Ellona's assignment to the far end of the table. Eliana tolerated her children-in-law, of course--how on earth would she get her coveted grandchildren without them?--but truly to her they were little more than a means to an end, or she might have protested Hilla's own marriage with a blunter force than her passive-aggressive barbs.

Ah, but she did have to admit that the evening had passed more smoothly than she'd expected. Between Ellona's side and Casimiro's, there were enough people present to excuse her from any Eliana-dominated conversation longer than a cordial hello, and many were children besides--and there was little on the earth Eliana liked more than children.

Of course, the table had been cleared and the children had scattered. Well, unless the two older boys counted as children, though Ellona's youngest brother probably didn't. Roddie probably did, though. If he didn't, then Lord only knew how old Hilla was. Regardless, it was time for the post-meal chat, and Hilla had taken a seat on the wrong side of the table.

"But my God, I just can't believe that sister of yours!" Eliana's hand hit the edge of the table as her sons shared glances. "Silvia took my advice, of course, good girl that she is. So did Catalina, for all she must have been doing something wrong there. As for Nieves--I'll grant you, her husband's face isn't much to look at and I doubt any other part of him is more impressive. But heaven forbid I even suggest the idea to Lorenza!"

Bernardo shot Hilla some strained, long-suffering gaze, not unlike Gualtiero's when he wanted cake. Casimiro took the braver, more foolish route of trying to respond. "Mother, I know you want lots of grandkids... but you know, not every bride wants to walk down the aisle with a baby already in her."

"Why not? It never hurts to get a head-start on things! Why, if your father hadn't been such an old prude--" Bernardo begged her to stop with a panicked shake of his head. Thankfully, Eliana indulged him. "Anyway. Can't say I know what to do with the girl. Her man would have her in a heartbeat, but apparently she'd rather listen to the Bible than me. Reyes thinks we ought to have let her join that convent. Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous in your life? There are no men in a convent! Granted they're a largely useless tribe--my boys excluded, of course--but facts are facts, and the fact is that she can't give me any grandchildren without a cock in her."

Roddie, a little tipsy off a few ill-advised cups of wine apparently having heard despite being a reasonable distance away, waved his arm in an attempt to but in--not that Hilla could understand his wanting to be a part of the conversation, but she'd known enough ten-year-old boys to figure they weren't creatures of logic. "You know, the church people do mingle sometimes, you know. My brother Jadin sometimes goes to the convent to 'confess'. With his penis."

That did it--Hilla had to turn her head and catch a glimpse at Riona's face. "Roddie! We just ate!"

"What? It's true. Also, my grandfather wanted my father to be a priest, so Father went to a monastery for a while before he ran off with my big siblings' mother. At my sister Vera's wedding, Father and the baron got really drunk and they were sharing old stories, and there was this lady who used to sell flowers in the village by the monastery, and she and my father had sex in the confessional."

"Roddie! Eww! What is wrong with you?"

"And there's more! She came back a week later with her friend, who--"

"We get it, Roddie." Hilla sighed and turned to face Eliana, who was now looking at her too. Oh, how she'd appreciated her invisibility! If only she'd had the stomach to let Riona vomit on the table. "So... when is Lorenza's wedding?"

"March. So I suppose the earliest I'll get to hold that baby in my arms is December." She slumped, resigned, as if no greater tragedy had struck anyone ever. "On a more positive note, Silvia's is in April, and she was a week late when I left."

Roddie yawned. "You know, sometimes women are just late for no reason."

"No one asked you!" Riona snapped.

"Alas, it's true." Eliana shook her head. "It's God's idea of cruel humor. We people are made in God's image after all--and most people turn out horrid. Why, I have this nephew--"

Isidro cleared his throat. "Um, Aunt Eliana? I'm your only nephew."

"Right, right. As I was saying, I have this nephew..."

Oy. There were worse mothers-in-law out there, Hilla reminded herself. Worse still, there were worse mother-in-laws who actually lived with their children. Eliana lived in a whole other country. And she wasn't even staying with Hilla and Bernardo this time. They'd only see her when everyone else did, when there were plenty of other people around to speak with instead. This dinner was the most they'd see of her while she was here.

And for this moment, well, there were worse topics of discussion that could have...

"So. Roddie." Eliana leaned forward and stared past Isidro to Riona's still annoying, still slightly inebriated little brother. "Since you know so much about female reproduction, any tips on how to keep the Good Lord from getting his good laugh? Really, it's about time Hilla gave me another grandchild."

Or not.

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