In Which Lonriad Attends an Underwear Party

July 23, 1174

Lonriad was not a man whose mouth was easily filtered. He said whatever was on his mind whenever it occured to him to say it, and rarely did he find himself at a loss for a vocalized observation--especially if it happened to concern Asalaye.

But today was one in a million. "Uh..."

"Hey!" Embarassed, Asalaye cringed, as if she thought trying to make herself appear smaller would make her shift appear more like a dress. Wait... why? It wasn't like he'd never seen a half-naked girl before; what the hell was she so afraid of? "Look, it's hot out there! I had to cool down somehow. And I would've had some privacy if you hadn't just... wait, what the hell are you even doing here?"

She'd already answered herself and she didn't even realize it. Stupid girl's brain cells were probably wasting away after all these years of trying to comprehend the size of her nose--yes, that must have been it. "Like you said, it's a hot day. This loft is the coldest place in the whole damn shire. Do the math, Nostril-face."

Asalaye sniffed; it was a shock that none of the scattered straw got sucked up into the void, really. "Nostril-face? That's the best you can do? Has the sun melted your brain or--Oh dear God! Why are you taking your clothes off?"

Again with the retroactive questions! Figured, really, given the increased surface area on which the heat could wreak havoc. "Because unlike you, I don't have a nose capable of spraying pond water all over my ridiculously overheated body, that's why!"

"Fuck you!" She kicked at a pile of hay as he flung his slacks to the wall. "Get dressed and get out!"

"Like hell I will." He tossed his shirt to the side and traipsed through the hay until they were only a few feet apart. "We both came here to cool down, so we might as well make it an underwear party."

Asalaye bit her lip. It was full and round and moist, but he'd never noticed that before; nose must've been in the way. "What the hell is an underwear party?"

"Exactly what it sounds like." Her eyes bulged. They were a rather pretty teal of which he'd ever quite had a decent view--again, must've been the nose. "Only, it usually turns into a naked party, but ours doesn't have to."

She took a second to recover from the shock, then smirked. "Why not? Because you know that my nose will dwarf your manhood in comparison?"

...ouch.

So she gave it as good as she could take. Should've seen that one coming, really. Still, there was no insult from which Lonriad could not rebound. "Hey, no view, no opinion." Swish.

She twirled her finger through one of her pigtails, grinning like a fat cat playing with a mouse. "Sorry, but you have to understand that it's difficult to see."

Oh God damn it! "Uh, well... your nose is big."

It was a weak last resort and it didn't work. She was still smiling. "It could swallow your cock whole."

Wait... was that another insult to him, or was she making fun of herself? Was she the sort of girl who did that? Surely there weren't many... and surely not her...

But given the dire circumstances, it was easier to assume that she was and just use the road she'd paved for him. "It could swallow anyone's cock whole!"

"And that, my friend, is why there is no such thing as nasal sex." Snickering, she stumbled forward, catching herself by grabbing his shoulder. Her hand was a pleasant sort of warm, which was an odd thought on such a scorching day. "Everyone else's nostrils are too small and mine are too big. It's just not possible." He didn't think he'd ever seen her grin quite like that; the contagious thing spread to his own face as she slung her other arm around him, letting them dangle at a cross by the back of his neck. "You smell nice, by the way--and I would know."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her a little nearer. The muggy day had just grown even hotter, but he hardly cared. "You look pretty without clothes."

...shit. Had he really just said that? Oh well. He was stuck with it now. Nothing could swallow back words--not even her nose.

But instead of bringing out the Sneeze of Doom, she only laughed. "You're fifteen, you idiot; you think everyone is pretty without clothes."

"Well... maybe." Were they? He wasn't so sure anymore. "Especially you, though."

He hadn't realized just how close she was--mere inches away. He could have kissed her. He kind of wanted to.

And the more he thought about it... well, why not? What harm could it do? Given their height difference in conjunction with the standard angles of kissing, there wasn't much chance that her nose would poke his eye out--err, probably. Besides, no one else was around... and her eyes were closed, and her lips were pursed, and he could've sworn she was drawing just a little nearer...

He inclined his head and let himself fall slowly into her, the tip of his nose brushing the side of her own only to find it was not quite so large as he'd thought. He placed his hand under her chin and tilted it upright, his eyelids falling shut as the distance between their mouths dwindled. He could almost taste her lips, almost feel their softness against his own, almost leap to the sky and gather the stars in his arms, almost...

"Asalaye! Where are you? Your bed still hasn't been made!"

She jerked backward as her sister's voice blared from outside, leaving whatever had been about to occur as a mere 'almost'. A second longer and it would have been something more. Damn it, Nanalie...

Asalaye's hand caught the rim of the barrel behind her. Her knuckles were white and trembling and he wanted to take them in his own hands and make it better--not that she was about to let him. "Get your God damn pants on."

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