In Which Leara Sees the All and Only

September 2, 1171

"...so just as long as you stay confident and don't end up pushing away and crying, it'll be just fine." Behind Leara's own reflection, as well as young Rona's, Raia's wore a teasing grin; Leara tried to return it, but if the mirror was any indication, she hadn't succeeded. "It hurts a little the first time, but it's indescribably fun; you'll know what I mean tomorrow. I know your stepmother told you it was a bother, but it's really not--it's what comes after that gets bothersome." She crossed her arms over the slight-yet-not-insignificant bulge beneath her gown and sighed.

Thank God for Lorn's mother. For all Raia's family was trying to keep the pregnancy under wraps, word did tend to spread like wildfire once it leaked, and it went without saying that Leara's parents did not approve. Her stepmother had spent weeks telling anyone who'd listen about how her dearly departed sister was tossing in her grave, and her father had asked Raia's point-blank why he hadn't sent her off to the convent already; Leara, of course, hadn't been allowed within spitting distance of her friend until today. Her father had made a point not to invite Raia's family, but they had shown up anyway as Lorn's guests--and when the duchess had told her daughters to go and help Leara get ready, she'd sent Raia along with them, her eyes on Leara's father as if daring him to protest. It was not something Leara would have expected from her sweet, gentle soon-to-be mother-in-law, but it was much appreciated.

Although, she did wish they they could have talked about something other than sex. Not that Leara was a prudish girl--far from--but now that her wedding day was finally here, the act no longer seemed like something to be joked about. All of a sudden, it was sacred in the most untouchable of ways--immediate, inevitable, and frightening beyond belief.

"Oh! And don't worry if you start feeling like you don't know if you should be moving around more or anything; it's mainly instinct, and even if you don't get it right away, you'll learn later."

"Besides," piped up Lorn's little sister Rona, as if she could have possibly known what she was talking about, "men have sex all the time; he'll probably make sure you know what to do."

Xeta's jaw dropped and Leara's throat swelled. She'd known that--everyone did--but only now did it occur to her that it applied to Lorn as well. A silent sort of panic brewing in the pit of her stomach, she looked to Raia for reassurance--but Raia only looked away. "So... it's true, then?"

"Well... maybe not?" Her eyes alight with false optimism, Raia turned to Xeta. "Your brother, does he ever... well, you know. Visit brothels? Disappear into empty rooms with chambermaids or anything?"

Xeta shuddered. "I don't know--and frankly, I don't want to."

Raia frowned. "Rona?"

"Lorn?" The blood rushing from her face, the younger girl gagged. "Who in their right mind would want to have sex with--oh. Sorry, Leara."

The three of them then proceeded to pass along a series of awkward glances, the silence growing heavier by the minute. It was getting to the point where it was hard to breath; she had to break it.

"Ah, well... no worries, right?" She tossed back her hair and grimaced; she didn't believe a word coming out of her own mouth, but at least if she pretended to be all right, they might move on and change the subject. "Just as long as he keeps it in his pants after today, that's fine; besides, I guess a little practice on his part might make it more pleasurable for me?"

Though not looking convinced, Raia nodded. "That's a... healthy way of looking at it."

"It is." Restless, Leara tugged at her sleeve; she wasn't the sort of girl who fidgeted, but she needed some sort of a distraction. "I think I might step outside for a minute--is that all right?"

Like a Greek chorus, the other girls nodded in unison. Careful to maintain her fake smile, Leara crossed the room and entered the sitting area beyond it, closing the door behind her. There were too many thoughts racing through her head, not many of them positive; she needed a moment alone.

Except, she soon noticed, she wasn't alone.

"Hello."

"Lorn!" Horrified, she clapped her hand to her mouth to silence her impending scream. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to see me--it's bad luck."

His grin unfading, Lorn shook his head. "You don't look like bad luck to me." He pushed himself up from the couch and stepped toward her; she hurried to meet him in the middle. "Is something wrong? You seem a little overwhelmed."

"I'm fine." She took to fiddling with the chain around her waist, but stopped when he took her hand and held it still. Leara sighed; she couldn't lie to him. "I'm just... worried about tonight, I suppose. I'll probably disappoint you."

Lorn raised an eyebrow. "Sorry?"

"Well, I won't know what I'm doing." Did she really have to explain this? It was painful enough to even think it--much less, tell him. "And you're probably used to the sort of girl who does know what she's doing, so you won't like--"

He placed his finger to her lips, silencing her, his expression unreadable. Helpless, she could only stare at him until he brushed his hand toward her cheek and began to stroke her face. "You won't disappoint me."

"But I--"

"I know--but you won't disappoint me." He removed his hand to briefly replace it with his lips, then stepped back and sighed. "Actually, to be honest, I might disappoint you."

Leara blinked. Even if she hadn't just had that talk with the girls--even if she'd never even thought about it-- "You mean... you've never..."

Looking just as embarrassed as she felt, he nodded. "No. I've never."

She wasn't exactly sure what to do with that; all she could manage was to look up at him and gape. "But you're a man!"

He shrugged. "I know, but I didn't think it was fair that you were expected to wait and I wasn't, so I figured I'd wait too."

His smile taking a turn for the sheepish, he slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer; she felt as though she could have died right now and gone out fulfilled. "Besides, if you must know... well, I never really wanted anybody but you."

Her heart skipping within her chest, Leara stood on her toes and kissed him. One of the things she had always loved about kissing Lorn was the knowledge that he and only he had ever met her lips with his; now that she knew the same held true with their places reversed, it was an even sweeter sensation. "I'm sorry I doubted you."

"It's all right." He released her from his embrace, though he did take hold of her hand once again. "Anyway, I guess tonight... I don't know. Maybe it won't be all that great for either of us, but who knows? I can't imagine it's too difficult to figure out--and even if the physical aspects are a bit messy, we've still got the emotional side, right?"

She felt herself grinning again--truly this time. "I guess so."

"I guess so too." He pulled her hand to his mouth and anointed it with a kiss. "Still, I'm sorry if it doesn't measure up to what you were expecting."

"It's all right." She took a moment to look him over: his tall frame, his silky hair, his startling eyes. He was all hers. He was only hers. "We'll get better--together."

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