In Which Hilla Would If Only

April 13, 1177

"Aww, honey... maybe it won't be that bad?"

Probably a stupid thing to say, but it was better than silence--wasn't it? At least... what else was Hilla supposed to say? Bold knights-in-shining-armor sometimes won tournaments. Maybe she could mention that? Then again, maybe that was a bad idea. Thugs sometimes won tournaments too.

"But..." Rona trailed off, shifting her gaze to the ties on her sleeves. She didn't like the way her new maid tied them--not that the difference was apparent to anyone else. "I don't know. Principle of the thing. I don't want to be a trophy."

"Well... better a trophy than a bargaining chip, right?"

The other girl glared at her. Hilla cringed. That had been stupid and she knew it... but how was she supposed to understand? She was a peasant by birth. She'd been allowed to befriend Rona only because her mother had married a knight--and a knight who happened to be Rona's step-uncle, at that. She'd always assumed she'd have some say in regards to her own marriage, as it turned out, she had. Rona was a duke's daughter; she did not have that luxury. A crueler man than Lorn might have sold her to the highest bidder, regardless of where or who or what he was.

"Yes, but what if it's not really me that any of them want?"

Hilla frowned, her baby kicking as she leaned forward. Dear God--how had Riona managed to traipse around the continent during her pregnancy while Hilla could barely change her sitting position? Anyway. Not important. "What do you mean?"

"Well... what if the men competing only want to marry me so they can have Lorn as a brother-in-law? Or what if they just want noble babies?" She shot an envious glance toward Hilla's stomach--as if she could have possibly wanted this. "Or what if Lorn's finally had enough and this is just an elaborate way of getting rid of me?"

What? "Rona, your brother loves you!"

"Then why is he willing to cast me off like this? And why did he chase Aspen away?" Her hands fell to her side as she slumped downward. All these months later and the poor girl was still on about that, even with the new predicament? So much for thinking she'd taken Lonriad's marriage hard. "He's trying to ruin my life, isn't he? Maybe I should just give up. Enter a convent or something--assuming of course they'd actually take me, seeing as no one else will."

Oh God. Hilla had known Rona for several years now, and she knew for a fact that the other girl came from a loving, well-intentioned family. But even the best of relatives could drive a girl half-insane with that sort of pressure, and if there was one thing that came with wealth and connections, it was pressure. If only friendship could be enough to relieve it. "Aww, honey..."

If only. If only she could think of a single damn word that could make everything better. If only the world worked that way.

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