In Which Sparron Loses a Little More

March 30, 1175

"Aww, you have the same eyes as your cousin!" Jadin cooed as his new niece stared up at him from Searle's arms. "You and Lyssa and Alina are all going to have so much fun doing whatever the hell it is that girls do with their time."

His gaze never leaving the baby, Searle laughed. Sparron probably could have left without being noticed and he wasn't sure why he hadn't. "Poor Sev. One of us will have to get to work on a boy for him."

"Ah, he has Roddie and Falidor--and the girls have CeeCee!" Jadin landed a tickle on Lyssa's belly, then sent a wink Sparron's way; he didn't see fit to return it. "But seriously, the next boy will be Father's--and probably the next girl too. Mark my words, we'll all be dead and buried and the man will still be siring babies all over the place."

"Jadin! I just ate!"

"Just speaking the truth, little brother."

Sparron couldn't decide whether he was grateful for Jadin's presence or resented it. It was awkward enough being alone with Searle; being with him plus someone else was excruciating. Then again, if Jadin was here to dote over Renata, then Sparron didn't have to bother with that.

God. What the hell was wrong with him? He didn't want to dislike to Searle's baby. She seemed like the most agreeable sort of infant, actually--cute, quiet, sweet-natured. She could have been anyone else's and he would have been happy for them, or at least as happy as he was capable of being.

But why did she have to be Searle's?

"But seriously... we needed a baby right about now." Somber, Jadin ran a hand over Renata's head and leaned in to kiss her brow. "Until we got the news, I hadn't seen Father smile since Riona ran off."

"Yes, well..." Searle trailed off. Of course he didn't want to talk about his sister. All he wanted to talk about was his daughter. It was even more nauseating than all those times he wanted to talk about love. "I guess it's always a good time for a baby."

"I'll say." Grinning, Jadin turned to Sparron. Was he supposed to say something along similar lines? He would have preferred being ignored. "Speaking of which, Sparron, any news for us or--?"

"No."

"Oh." The smile on the lips remained, but the light in the eyes had been snuffed. Why did Jadin even care? Most people had given up on Sparron and Camaline ever reproducing at this point. "Well... at least we have this little girl here, right?"

Sparron tried to voice an agreement, but all he could produce was a half-hearted grunt. Searle sent a hurt look his way; a little guilty, he glanced down at his kneecaps. It was stupid to begrudge a baby. Like he could compete with Searle's family. Like he even wanted to, really. He should have left ages ago, if he shouldn't have just stayed home in the first place--or more likely, the whole list of shoulds and shouldn'ts went all the way back to that fateful day when Camaline should have just said to hell with her goddamn hat. In any case, he didn't belong here.

Renata yawned. Beaming as if it were some stellar accomplishment, Searle stepped around the crib and lowered the baby to its tiny mattress. "Sounds like someone's had enough of her silly uncles for now."

Jadin chuckled. "And to think, she hasn't even met Lonriad yet."

"Yes, tell him to get his ass over here, all right?" Searle gave his daughter a nap-time kiss, then patted Jadin on the shoulder and strode toward the door. "And the same goes for the rest of them. Anyway, I'm just going to see how Lettie's doing."

That figured. Oh well, it beat Lettie coming in here. "Right."

Jadin watched his brother leave until the door swung back into its frame, then collapsed onto the couch beside Sparron. "So, how have you been?"

Sparron bit his lip. It had been ages since he'd had a proper conversation with Jadin and he wasn't sure he wanted to change that just now, not when he already had Searle's baby to deal with. "Uh... well enough."

"Likewise." Jadin slumped back against the cushions and sighed. "I miss being friends with you."

Not sure how to respond, Sparron swiped the sole of his boot across a few narrow floorboards. In truth, he did miss having Jadin as a friend--or having any friends who weren't Searle, really--but it was probably for the best that he'd burned all those bridges. He was stretched thin enough as it was and there was always less and less of him to go around. "Sorry I pushed you away."

"Don't worry about it." Jadin smiled at him; he tried to return it and failed. "Look, I'm going for a quick hunt tomorrow morning. Do you want to come? I'll stop by your castle after breakfast and we can head out from there."

Sparron shrugged. "Fine."

"Great. Would you prefer the northern woods or--oh for God's sake, would you stop glaring at my niece for a second?"

Any warmth he had drained from Sparron's face and was lost to the surrounding air. He hadn't noticed the shift in his own gaze, but here Jadin was, suddenly more observant than Sparron ever remembered him being. "I wasn't glaring."

"You were so." Annoyed, Jadin smacked Sparron's arm with the back of his hand and launched himself to his feet. "Christ, Sparron, cut her some slack. She's a baby; do you think she can help being living proof that my brother is fucking someone other than you?"

His eyes bulged as if he'd said too much but Sparron barely noticed. The room spun to a blurry haze and his icy resentment melted and boiled. Had he just--? How did--? Why--? "The hell?"

Jadin put one hand to the back of his neck and swallowed, his gaze barely visible from behind a stray lock of red hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

"Didn't mean what?" The room had become an inferno and Sparron wanted little more than an escape. Shame that it couldn't be that simple. "Damn it, Jadin! Why would you think--?"

"Oh come on, we were joined at the hip as kids!" The baby whimpered; Jadin flashed an apologetic glance her way, then turned back to Sparron. "I'm not as stupid as you think I am, you know. Hell, I think I knew before you did!"

"Knew what?" Was it that obvious? Did everyone know? God damn. All he wanted at the moment was to die on the spot.

"That you--ah, never mind!" Sighing, Jadin took to wringing his wrist with his opposite hand. "Look, if you want to talk about it--"

"I don't." A full-fledged cry sounded from the crib, but Sparron didn't care. Renata could wail all she wanted. Jadin could look at him with those pathetic eyes for hours on end. Nothing mattered--why should it? Whatever life he had was over anyway. "There's nothing to talk about."

Jadin frowned. "Sparron--"

"Fuck you, Jadin." He couldn't take this. Scowling to the point where it ached, he shot Searle's brother one last glare before storming toward the door. "Fuck you."

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