July 5, 1175
Octavius dropped the stylus and looked up from the half-finished letter. It was always difficult to concentrate in the guest chambers, if only because of what his presence there meant. Holladrin was not having one of her better nights. Widow Fedurin had been summoned and the first thing she'd done upon arrival was exile him from the room. A woman's job this, You'll just be uncomfortable that...Uncomfortable. Of course he was uncomfortable. That was his wife up there. But maybe the knock on the door was a good sign. "Yes?"
"Can I come in?"
It was Sparron. Weary, Octavius pushed himself to his feet. Sparron wouldn't know how Holladrin fared, but some company might not have been disagreeable just then. "As you wish."
The hinges moaned and Sparron stepped inside with a slow, labored tread. Everything he did these days was slow and labored. Even the way he shut the door was reluctant. "Can I ask you something?"His son's blue-gray eyes had grown more spectral of late and the room's eerie light helped little. Poor boy probably crumbled to pieces every time Octavius turned his back. It was beyond agony, what Sparron's world had become, and while Octavius needed an answer, he had his suspicions and wasn't sure he wanted them confirmed. But whatever the case, who was he to refuse? What sort of father turned his back on a child in need and retained the gall to call himself a man? "Always."
He smiled, or at least as best he could considering Holladrin's ailment and Sparron's troubles. Sparron made no effort to return it--not like that was a surprise. "What happened to my mother?"
Oh. That couldn't have been the whole story. It wouldn't have gone on for so long had that been the case. Or would it? Surely... surely Sparron trusted him enough to ask about Medea? He hadn't kept any secrets. Maybe he hadn't told Sparron and Jeda all the messy little details, but if they had asked..."You know what happened, son. She went mad."
Sparron wasn't satisfied. How could he be? It was a riddle without an answer. "What sort of mad? Did she ever... blank out? Think irrationally? What about voices? Did she hear voices?"
Voices? Oh God. "Sparron..."
"Do you want to know the earliest thing I can remember?" His lip was quivering. His sandy hair rustled as he began to shake. Octavius tried to steady him by taking hold of his arm, but Sparron pushed him aside. He'd never liked being touched. Medea had been the same way. "It... it's her. I'm in my crib and Jeda's crying and she's sh-shouting at you, something about s-somebody singing. But--but n-nobody was s-sing... sing..."
He didn't finish. He just collapsed into a shivering mass of muffled sobs, face in his hands, tears leaking out from the corners of his eyes. It was the first bit of real emotion he'd dared show in years and Octavius didn't know just what to make of it. The cracks of the world were beginning to split. "Please d-don't let that happen to me."Oh God. His baby. His poor, stoic, long-suffering little Sparrow. How he wished he could make it all go away. "Sparrow..."
"Help me!" His sobs were growing as his body seemed to shrink further and further within his loose lounge clothes. Not sure what else he could do, Octavius reached around his son's shoulders and pulled him a little closer. He wanted to help. He needed to help.He just didn't know how.
"D-daddy... please..." Sparron lifted his face, if only for a minute, his eyes moist and salty as the coastal air. All those years of Medea and all these years of Sparron and Octavius had never looked into those eyes to find such desperate, primal horror. "I'm so scared..."
Never before had Sparron swallowed enough pride to admit to that, not even as a child. Octavius was a father of six. He knew that every boy and girl required their own specific approach and he'd thought he'd known how to handle Sparron. Maybe he'd needed to swallow some pride. He didn't even know if he should admit that he was scared too."Nothing is going to happen to you, baby." He couldn't promise that. No--he could. He would. Somehow. He had to. "We'll find a way to make it better. You hear that? Nothing is going to happen to you."
NEXT CHAPTER:
12 comments:
Bah. I had such high hopes for this chapter. It fell short :(
*scratches head* So ... making it to the top of your hopes would have had me bawling on the ground then, rather than just ready to cry?
But oh my God. Poor Sparrow! And Octavius. That has to be the worst thing for a parent, watching their child struggling and needing help and not being able to give it to them. At least nowadays the parent can get the child professional help, a therapist, medication, something. Back then ...
But you know, Sparron's catching it early. Nobody (who cared) realized that something was wrong with Medea and Medea's mother until it was too late. Maybe even Laveria or Hilla can help since Sparron is still mostly rational.
And somebody needs to get Tavrin. It's worth a shot! And even Florian wouldn't say that Sparron is better insane!
(Also, this kid needs to be on another suicide watch. Just sayin'.)
There's little if not nothing Octavius can do about this, but you're right about them catching it early. Tavrin's worth a shot. Hilla and Laveria might take it personally, since they both failed to cure Medea's mother. And then of course, Octavius is wealthy and powerful enough to bring in somebody from outside Naroni if he has to. I can't imagine anyone will cure Sparron, but maybe someone can at least treat him.
Another suicide watch? Probably not the worst idea :S
Thanks Morgaine :)
I'm with Morgaine about the possible repeated suicide attempt. There's the fear for himself at the knowledge that he is going mad but then there would be the compounded guilt of feeling like he is an undue burden to his loved ones (which contributed to the initial suicide attempt). And what will Octavius do to his beloved son if no one can help? (Especially since I imagine that no one really can help.) I am not afraid of Sparron being jailed away in the dungeons like his mother was, firstly because I don't think Octavius would do it and secondly because if Octavius did do it, he would come under too much pressure from other people. I don't think Holladrin would stand for it and certainly not Searle or Camaline or Jadin. Then there are the people who aren't that close to Sparron but who would probably still take a stance against it. Medea was Octavius's property (it's the times!!) and she was not well liked. Sparron is Octavius's adult son and therefore not his property. That makes it a bit more outrageous. Sparron would probably just finish out his days sealed into a bedroom with no sharp objects and few visitors, the way his mother should have gone out.
However, if they bring in help from outside of Naroni, that would = Yay! New Character!
I know that I had other things to say but I don't remember them at all.
I definitely wouldn't rule out the possibility of another suicide attempt just yet :S
As for what Octavius will do if no one can help... hard to say at this point. He'd probably give Sparron his own wing of the castle, try to keep him comfortable and designate some select members of the staff to keep an eye one him. Meanwhile, he'd have to name Nythran his heir, unless of course Sparron has a son before this happens in which case the son would be heir (although I wouldn't count on that unless Camaline dies/leaves and Sparron remarries).
But the good news for Sparron is that he is much more self-aware than his mother ever was, so maybe that will at least slow the process somewhat, or at least until he reaches the point where it's just not possible anymore. I do have plans to keep him around for a while longer ;)
Poor Sparron. It's frightening concept. What could his father possibly do? There isn't much if Sparron is going down the same route his mother did.
It is a scary thing to consciously examine yourself, looking for signs of mental illness.
Unfortunately, there's really nothing Octavius can do, other than maybe deluding himself :(
Yeah, that's a tough thing to be going through. Poor kid :(
Sounds like Sparron has a touch of schizophrenia coupled with possibly Bipolar and definately a major depressive disorder. The stress of his every day life, being gay, having his lover marry, the time period they are in. He and his wife have an unusual, but amiable relationship. It's too bad she's not more involved in his life. I know she doesn't have feelings for him that way, but it would be nice if he had someone to lean on that understood his love life. Jaden doesn't count, he comes across a little too blunt. Or maybe Sparron is reluctant to lean on him because of his close proximity to Searle.
Found a nice Wiki for you to read if you have time. All about Schizophrenia. If Sparron had lived in our time he would respond well to medication. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia
Speaking of medication, it looks like most antipsychotics are depressants. Maybe Sparron can develop a healthy drinking habit to self medicate? Although that comes with even more problems.
Sorry above is me
From what I know of schizophrenia, it seems like a pretty broad disorder with a bunch of possible combinations of symptoms, so that could maybe be it. Not sure I want to put an outright label on it just yet, though.
Camaline is sympathetic to Sparron's plight, but at the same time, Camaline just... well, she's not a people person. She doesn't have much help to offer in either the interpersonal or intrapersonal aspects of Sparron's life. All she can really do is be there.
As for Jadin, I think you hit the nail on the head there. He's just too close to Searle.
Thanks for the link. Hmm... we have had a few references to Sparron drinking himself into a stupor (e.g. when Searle's daughter was born). Maybe he's finding it helps? :S
Thanks Keri :)
And now I'm crying.
Confession time because I'm crying and there's no one here but the comment box for me to talk to:
It has been really tough for me to read Naroni this second time around. I stopped reading in 2011 because my father died and i've been reading the chapters and seeing the post dates as if they were counting down until the day he died and i stopped reading. "This was posted 28 days before he died" etc. I am so glad you didn't post on the day he died it would have crushed me to read but then all of this with Sparron, and then added onto it he called him Daddy and I lost it.
Okay confession time over. I'm sorry. it's just like this story was such a huge part of my life at that time and it's one of the few things from that period in my life that I have had the courage to do again and it's reminding me so much of sitting in my fathers house reading these updates and now, here I am almost 3 years later, in a different house, with different people. idk. I'll stop.
Great story. i might need to take a break for tonight though.
*hug*
I'm sorry to hear about your father, and I understand that reading certain posts and seeing certain dates would be upsetting. Take all the breaks you need.
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