June 22, 2010

In Which Octavius Watches a Candle's Reflection

April 7, 1167

"I just can't help but feel responsible for this." It was the first phrase out of Severin's mouth in the three or four hours they'd spent sitting on the couch in the front room, waiting in pained tension for Laveria's assessment of Alina's condition. Octavius had muttered the occasional word of reassurance, but never once had he received a response. He'd eventually just stopped trying; so long as he couldn't prove that it wasn't anything life-threatening, that she was going to be all right, he supposed anything he could say would be meaningless.

It had all begun so suddenly--one moment, she had been conversing with Holladrin, chattering away like a chirping bird in the early summer's breeze, then before anyone could have guessed there was anything amiss, she had slammed headfirst into a clear glass windowpane. She'd been on the floor, blood streaming from between her legs, her eyes rolling back in their sockets; somehow, everyone had blinked and her descent had gone unnoticed.

Severin had carried her to her bed while Garrett made haste to Laveria's house, then had settled himself on the couch in the bedroom as he waited for his mother to arrive. As soon as she had, the first thing she'd done was chase him to the foyer, where he had remained ever since.

"Severin, there's no possible way this could have been your fault," Octavius insisted. Really, how could it have been? So far as he knew, the only ways a man could cause his wife to miscarry were to beat her to that point or to otherwise place her under excessive stress, and Severin and Alina's marriage was anything but the sort that included such brutalities.

If Severin had heard him, however, he didn't seem to believe it. "I knew there was something odd about this pregnancy, but I never said anything to her. She just seemed so happy; I couldn't take that away from her." He drummed his fingers against his knee and sighed. "In fact, I think I knew even before. I knew something would happen if she got pregnant again, but when she said she wanted another baby... God, the look in her eyes. How could I have refused her?

"All I've ever wanted to do with my life is make her happy."

Damned if that sentence wasn't what fairytales were made of; of course, Octavius had lived long enough to realize that 'Happily Ever After' was not quite the same thing as 'The End'. "No one can say you failed her there."

"But what if I've killed her?" Severin demanded bitterly, perhaps more to himself than to Octavius. "Maybe it was selfish of me to bring her here in the first place. Maybe it would have been better for her health if I'd just let her marry my brother like she was supposed to. If I'd just been a man and sacrificed my own happiness for what was best for her--if nothing else, it might have been worthy of some epic poem."

Octavius shook his head. "She loves you. She always loved you--not your brother. Besides, what sort of masochistic cretin would want to live out an epic poem?"

Severin breathed the hollow laugh of a man who could not truly be amused. "Well, all the epic poems in the world can rot in hell as far as I'm concerned. Suffering isn't supposed to be a glorified, beautiful thing. It's ugly. It's vile. It makes death look like a beautiful temptress wearing nothing but a smile."

"So does epic poetry."

"That's because epic poetry is suffering." Severin tossed back his head and closed his eyes. "Why is it them, do you think? Women. So many men believe that a woman's only purpose is to produce children for her husband, yet that purpose has such a high mortality rate. What sort of cruel deity would send a child into the world at the cost of its mother's life? What sick ferryman demands a life as a tip? It should be obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that any woman in the world has just as many purposes as any man, and shouldn't be put at risk just as her husband pleases. Alina's meant for so much more, Octavius--what sort of sadistic God would take her so early?"

Octavius slouched, the image of his pale, unconscious cousin lying in the next room swirling about his mind like leaves caught in a spiraling breeze. "I doubt such a thing could be called an act of God."

"Severin?"

Laveria had finally emerged from the bedroom, tired and resigned. Octavius could not find a trace of optimism anywhere in her face; he wasn't sure whether or not he hoped Severin saw otherwise. He stood, then nudged his friend's shoulder in order to bring him to his feet; there were times when a man could not stand on his own.

"How is she?" Severin asked in barely more than a whisper, a misty sort of gloom looming in his eyes as he debated whether or not there was any reason to even dare to hope.

The reflection of a nearby candlelight could be seen as a glimmer on Severin's wedding band. It danced and flickered for a moment as the wick shortened and the wax melted around it--when there was no longer anything left to burn, the flame vanished, taking the glimmer with it.

Biting her lip, Laveria clasped her hands together and frowned. "She's lost a lot of blood, and... well, the flow is rather slow, but it just keeps coming. It's not just menstrual blood either--regular, run-of-the-mill blood. She seems to be bleeding from somewhere inside, and I can't say I can see it stopping any time soon."

Severin's eyes flitted open and shut in a rapid succession of blinks. "Have you seen anything like this before?"

"A few times," Laveria answered, though more bitter than reassuring. "My guess would be two days, maybe three."

"Two days," repeated Severin, shifting the weight of his body from side to side. "So she should just... rest for two or three days. Two or three days, and then the bleed will have clotted and she'll be fine, right?"

Either he was in denial or the stress was taking its toll on his head--Octavius wasn't quite sure. Nevertheless, the sorrowful look on Laveria's face said it all.

"Baby, I think you misunderstand."

NEXT CHAPTER:

16 comments:

Van said...

Sorry for any ridiculous typos or missing words. My mother randomly got up at three in the morning, so I felt the need to crank my screen brightness down to like 12$, which is not exactly ideal for editing :S

Van said...

*and that should be 12% not $. See what I mean? O_o

Phoenix said...

.........

I did NOT see this coming at ALL!! I mean, sure Alina was getting on my nerves with all her whining about babies, but I never wished her dead! Oh, this is horrible! HORRIBLE VAN!!!

But so true to times in some regards! Poor Severin. Now he's going to be a widower with seven kids. :(

Anonymous said...

I was afraid you were going to do something like this! :(

I agree with Phoenix, this is HORRIBLE!! There just isn't any other word to describe it. And I don't know if Severin would ever fully recover from it, if she does end up dying.

I say "if" because Raia has two or three days to go into the woods, find Tavrin and drag his naked ass up to the castle to help her mother ... so I can still keep my fingers crossed ...

Van said...

Sorry all :(

I was wondering if anyone would mention Tavrin. We'll be seeing him fairly soon, but it may or many not be soon enough.

Anonymous said...

Well, don't be too sorry ... the fact that we're so upset is a testament to your writing skills.

It's something of a paradox of being a writer. To be a good one, you have to (more or less) do mean things to your characters. Otherwise your stories are boring. But once your stories are good and you get a following, well, then people don't want you to do mean things to your characters. So success sucks, eh? ;)

Quick question, though, and if revealing the answer would be spoiler-y then just say so. Did Alina have an ectopic pregnancy? It seems to fit the symptoms -- Severin didn't feel a fetus growin in her abdomen because there wasn't one there to feel. And then the heavy bleeding, normal blood, not just menstrual blood. And, of course, the fact that there's nothing Laveria or Arydath (even though Arydath hasn't shown up yet) can do -- I looked at the "home treatment" section on ectopic pregnancy at WebMD, and basically the home treatment section covered taking a pregnancy test, managing side effects of medication, and getting support after you lose the pregnancy. In other words, their advice was "Get thee to a doctor, NOW" and don't try to do anything on your own.

Oh -- and I'm still trying to hunt down that tunic (Mark's tunic). I have a pretty good idea where it is, I just need to find the exact place. :) I'll reply back on my blog once I've got it.

Van said...

Thanks Morgaine :)

Yes, an ectopic pregnancy is exactly what Alina had. I'm not sure if I wrote it quite accurately--I'm rather horrible at research because I suck at coming up with good search phrases--but that was what I had in mind. However, I figure there would have been nothing any healer or midwife could do in this day and age, since I don't think anyone was even really aware about the reproductive system works (well, other than the very beginning of the process, of course), so I don't think the diagnosis will actually come up in the story, or at least not by means of Laveria or Hilla or Arydath.

Thanks for looking into that tunic :) I hope you don't end up going out of your way to find it, though.

Anonymous said...

I think it was written accurately enough. I mean, heck, what I know about pregnancy and childbirth can fit into a very small container, but I was able to figure out what was wrong with Alina with very little research.

And don't worry about the tunic. Took me about five minutes to find it once I remembered where to look. :)

I must say, I re-read the post and really noticed the imagery of the candle on Severin's ring. (You notice these things when you're not galloping through to figure out what Alina's fate is.) It was absolutely beautiful. My fear is that it is symbolic.

But as a card-carrying Pollyanna, I continue to place hope in Tavrin!

Van said...

Good to hear that it wasn't too much of a stretch. I was worried that nobody would figure it out (or worse, that whenever I finally said it, someone would be like "What? You've got it all wrong!").

Thanks again :) And thanks about the imagery too :)

S.B. said...

Laveria was so gentle, she broke my heart. Yes Alina was kind of annoying but death in childbirth is a horrible death. Your imagery is beautiful, striking, and heartbreaking.

I doubt Severin stays a widower. Even if he doesn't get over the loss, it's not practical to try to deal with all those children on his own. He will need another wife.

And Tavrin? Soon?

Van said...

Thanks Beth :)

Laveria's not normally the type you'd expect tenderness from, but I think she has enough tact to tone it down during sensitive situations. Plus there's the fact that it's her own son and he's almost assuredly going to be a widower in less than a week :(

Alina's still alive as of this moment, but things aren't looking good :(

As for Severin, he will eventually have to get married again, if only to find a mother for the kids, but it's a little early for him to be thinking about that. Indeed, he'll probably still think it's early when all of his friends start begging him to get a move on it. All in due time, I suppose.

Yep, Tavrin fairly soon. Ish.

Penelope said...

ARGH!

I'm headed off to class all depressed now. :(

thewynd said...

This broke my heart. My money was on Holladrin, the obvious choice given she had been ill for so long. I really hope Tavrin comes through and on time.

I have to say the imagery in Severin's thoughts and words was very well done. It wasn't surprising that he put a favorable and hopeful spin on Laveria's words. And knowing Severin, if Alina dies, he will bury his grief because of the children, controlled pain and anguish.

Damn I just feel so bad for him.

Van said...

Sorry all :(

I wasn't really sure who people were going to guess. Holladrin did seem like the obvious choice in retrospect, but we haven't seen much of her lately and I think something like that would need a little more build-up.

As for how Severin will cope if she dies, I can't really say much about that at this point. We've never really seen him grieving :S

Thanks :)

Verity said...

Noooooo! Seriously no! I go away for a week Van and look what you go and do :(. Maybe naked boy can rescue her in time. Omg she can't die. What will happen to Severin? :( :( :(

Van said...

Sorry Verity :(