September 5, 1182
"Hello, Searle."Sparron leaned back against the door and waited. There wasn't much to be said for his timing, especially since it had been months since they'd shared more than an awkward nod at a party, but it had been some days now since Searle's family had received the bad news, and... well, was there such a thing as appropriate timing?
There must have been, if even acquaintances on the level of Neilor and Bernardo had called to pay their sympathies. Sparron had called on Searle's parents with the rest of his family, and then he'd worked his way through the siblings. He'd had to brace himself for Searle. "Uh... how are you holding up?"
"What are you doing here, Sparron?"
He supposed it was a valid question. "I was worried about you.""Worried."
Wasn't that the right word? "Well, things were rough when my sister died, so I know..."
"Shut up."
Searle stood, the legs of the chair scraping the floor with the screech of a nail on rock. Sparron frowned. He hadn't thought Searle had been closer to Viridis than any of his other siblings, nor did it seem like Searle to grieve with distraction and harsh denial. Searle had always known his emotions and never feared to show them. Or maybe not never. Sparron might have taught him otherwise. "Searle..."
"Shut up!" Searle stormed around the finger and jabbed a finger into Sparron's chest. The shock of it blocked the impact. He used to swat that finger away when he woke to find it stroking his side. "My sister has to die before you're willing to talk to me again? What the hell is wrong with you?""What are you talking about?" No, they hadn't spoken in a while. But how was this the time to be dealing with that? Searle's sister had just died! "I just wanted to give my condolences."
"And I don't want your condolences!" A leather shoe kicked at Sparron's shin. Again, the fact of it said more than the impact. "I don't have the energy for you right now. My sister just died, and my brother-in-law right after her! I'm having a hard enough time without you coming around to complicate it, all right?"
"I'm not..."What was this? Why did Searle make everything about... that? Why did he have to complicate everything?
Why was everything so fucking complicated to begin with?
"I have to leave."
NEXT CHAPTER:
8 comments:
This is one of those posts that didn't want to exist. Sorry about that.
Sparron couldn't win this one unless he managed to never talk to Searle again for the rest of time. If he hadn't come around, that would have been the crime. Sparron is a very convenient target for Searle's misery, too. If he's angry at Sparron instead of grieving, that's probably easier to deal with for as long as it lasts.
That really is the only way Sparron can win anything ever. Or Searle, for that matter, it seems. :S
You've got a good point about Sparron being a suitable target for Searle's emotional turmoil. I don't think anyone in the know would deny that he's done Searle wrong in the past, and being mad at Sparron would be much easier than dwelling on the fact that Viridis is gone.
Ehh, I think Sparron has missed the plot here. He has to know that their past is a coefficient of everything that happens between them in the present. In fact, it's a little funny for him to think, "Why does everything have to be about *that*?" when his whole reason for distancing himself from Searle is *that*. I don't think Searle is overreacting or even displacing his feelings here. Sparron just doesn't know how to be a friend to Searle.
Oy. Searle and Sparron ... *sigh* It's just never a good moment for those two.
But I can see why Searle flipped out. I can't imagine that he likes the fact that their relationship has been downgraded from "hiding in a spare bedroom at parties" to "nodding acquaintance at parties." And now Searle has gotten a huge shock in the form of Viridis dying, and her husband right after her, and ... Sparron goes and shows up.
And Sparron isn't much better, because he's used to being the one pushing Searle away, the one calling the shots in the relationship, and now he wants to be closer and Searle wants no part of that.
I just hope that Searle doesn't fall off the wagon as a result of this, because that would be the last thing that Lettie and the kids need. *sigh*
Pen: Every interaction between Searle and Sparron does boil down to *that*, as much as Sparron wishes otherwise (and I think part of him knows it, for all he can deny deny deny). Whether Searle was displacing or not, he's not unjustified in his actions here. :S
Morgaine: Separately and together, these two are badly in need of a break. :S
Searle hasn't coped well with their constant separations, and his marriage hasn't been all wine and roses lately, and he's still recovering from his brush with alcoholism. The added stress of the recent family deaths... yeah, he's not about to handle an out-of-the-blue visit from an aloof Sparron all that well. And yes... I don't think we can blame him there. :S
This would have thrown Sparron for a loop, for sure! But that might be a good thing in the long run. I think he got a taste of how Searle feels all the time here.
If nothing else... I think there are people in Searle's life who aren't about to let him relapse again. And I think Searle knows how much he hurt his family last time that he'll strive not to do it again.
(A.K.A... it's currently not convenient for me to do an alcoholic Searle storyline, so it won't happen. ;) )
Actually, now that I think about it, if Sparron had tried to comfort Searle in earnest here (even at this late late hour in Searle's grieving process) instead of nodding his condolences and then getting angry, how would Searle have taken it? Much like Searle himself, I didn't get the impression that Sparron was worried about him at all. But if he had seemed to genuinely care, would Searle have pushed him away?
Good question! I think that at least some part of Searle will always appreciate any display of earnest emotion from Sparron, which is frustrating because Sparron is all about keeping his emotions to himself. If Sparron had been a little more open, it might have been a beautiful moment.
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