In Which Garrett Is Not Scared Alone

April 2, 1179

Thunder cracked amidst the soundscape of the pounding rain. Garrett cursed himself for not having the foresight to leave. He lived only a couple hours' ride north of Sir Lonriad's castle, but knowing his luck, the skies over Tetran were clear and silent. He hoped at least Karlspan was enjoying his sleepover. He wondered how it might go over if he tiptoed down to Sevvie's nursery to see if his little baby was scared.

And maybe he'd bring him back anyway, just because Daddy was.

A rap at the door. His little son couldn't have reached so high or knocked with such force, but anyone was preferable to another clap of thunder. "Come in."

"You couldn't sleep either?"

Nanalie's voice was silk in his ears after the hours-long scratchy burlap of the storm. The next bout of thunder might be bearable if she stayed. "I hate storms."

"I do too."

Garrett stiffened. Was she scared too? Nothing scared Nanalie. He would've sworn it in front of every bishop and cardinal in Rome. "My father took my brother and I out for a ride, back before I came here. We got caught in a storm like this. Had to spend the night in a cave." He shuddered. The thunder of the past sounded clearly as that of the present. "I've hated storms ever since."

"It was a tree for me. It was struck by a lightning bolt and fell over. A couple degrees in the wrong direction and it would've hit the house." She stepped into the firelight, shivering. She was more translucent than he'd ever seen her and it wasn't just the nightgown. "Of course Had and Asalaye slept right through it."

"Felron slept through most of the night too." And that was why snoring had always unnerved him. "He still teases me about it, that prick."

"You should call him out on it. Everyone has things that scare them."

And if she was the one to say it, he believed it. "I wouldn't have thought you did."

Nanalie sniffed. "Don't be absurd. Some things scare me more than storms do. They can't be the only thing that scares you either."

God. She was so close and so open and staring right through him. His palms began to sweat. "There's you."

She blinked. The storm raged on but the world stood silent for a minute. If only the thunder had struck as he'd spoken and she hadn't heard him say it. "What do you mean?"

He sighed. She would just keep looking at him with those clever eyes and he couldn't climb out of that gaze until she threw him a rope. He had to tell her. He had to tell her, and in storms like this, did it even matter? The next bolt of lightning might have been his, never mind the stone on all sides. "I want to give you everything, and I'm afraid it will never be enough."

Her eyes flitted to the hearth. He'd said too much. The next bolt of lightning would have to be his, whether to restart his heart or strike him dead. "Funny. I want everything and I'm afraid I can't have it. And that's why you scare me."

And he'd been shocked to hear she feared storms. "I scare you?"

"How could you not? If I want you, how much would I have to give up in turn?" He took a minute to puzzle out her words, which was just as well as she wouldn't let him speak. "I like my life. I like my work. And in my free time, I like being able to do what I want when I want. How can I have all of that if I have you?"

"You would have it." And why would he have it any other way? She knew what she wanted and she went for it. It was partly why he loved her. "I don't want to be your whole life; a person shouldn't ask that of anyone else. I just want to be a part of it, if you'll have me."

Nanalie stood. Her silhouette against the firelight was more than he could bear. "I don't want to be your life either."

"Would you be a part of it?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I just know you scare me."

The trailing lace of her nightgown wound around her thumb. He watched it break away from the gossamer fabric as she pulled. "Nanalie..."

"Shh." Her finger hooked beneath her sleeve and yanked it downward, the rest of the gown following. Her shoulders slipped into view, her breasts obscured only by her hair. The white cloth rolled off her slender hips and pooled around her ankles. "Just... don't, all right?"

"Nanalie..."

"Shh." The thunder rang once more as she settled on his lap. It was like the lightning had struck down a star and she'd fallen into his arms. "I don't want to be scared any more."

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