In Which Had Unloads a Heavy Burden

June 11, 1164

"Gotcha!" Raia declared as she pierced Had's abdomen with an imaginary throwing knife. Had stumbled backwards and fell to the floor as dramatically as he could; the two of them had decided that once they were nine, they would stop playing pretend unless they were entertaining younger children, and now that he only had six months and she only had four, they had an urgent need to take advantage of every opportunity they got. Had's father had suggested they give themselves an extra year if they felt they hadn't made the best of their time--he figured he might ask Raia about that in a few months.

"Oh..." he moaned as he writhed about on the floor in mock-pain. "Oh, God! My intestines..."

Behind Raia, Falidor rolled his eyes. "Your intestines? Judging by Raia's angle, you should be more worried about your spleen."

Had usually liked Falidor, but he had to admit that the steward had been rather cranky lately. Had's father blamed lack of sex. Raia's father also blamed lack of sex. Therefore, Had could only conclude that Falidor was grouchy because of a lack of sex.

Exchanging an annoyed glance with Had, Raia turned around and approached her father's steward, her hands clenched together as though wringing the neck of a small animal. "Oh, Falidor!" she addressed him in a snide sort of sing-song voice. "You're welcome to stay here if you're willing to shut up, but if you have bother someone with your nit-picky physics, I suggest seeking someone who actually gives a damn."

Falidor sprang into a sitting position, his attention rapt as that of a soldier who had just been caught dozing at his post. Nora always said that Falidor was afraid of women; from what Had could tell, it seemed that Raia scared him even more than most. Not that he really blamed the man, of course--Raia could certainly be scary at times.

"I'm sorry, Raia, Had," Falidor apologized hastily, "I... I don't know. I'm just tired, I guess."

Raia shrugged. "You could ask my father if you could leave, you know, or I could ask for you if you want. I'm sure he'd understand."

Falidor shook his head. "Thank you, but I'd rather not be a bother. Besides, I have a job to do, you know."

"Well, maybe you should get on that, then."

The voice belonged to Falidor's brother Ceidrid, who had just entered from the front room, that Evaleith girl at his heels--much to Had's personal chagrin. He realized that it had been months since he had overheard his mother chasing her off, but it still felt like only hours ago. The guilt was still there, as well as the betrayal. He wanted to talk to someone about it, but... well, who was there? None of his friends would have understood, and he didn't want his little sisters to know what he had heard, and obviously both of his parents were out of the question...

The steward groaned. "Shut up, Ceidrid!"

"I'm just saying you should probably get yourself to the front room," his brother teased. "I mean, we're pretty harmless, but who knows who might sneak in next?"

Falidor glared at him. "Well... whatever. Why are you here?"

"Actually, Jothein sent me over. You see..."

It seemed to Had that Evaleith's gaze held far more power than any words streaming from Ceidrid's mouth. Why was she looking at him? Was she combing his face for traces of her own? His mother's--their mother's?

Or maybe... was it possible that she knew he had overheard? No--he had simply walked past the door, and she had been too preoccupied to notice. She didn't know.

And yet, those eyes continued to prod him like a deluge of arrows. Had's muscles stiffened; with each passing second, his guilt seemed just a little heavier. He could not carry such a burden alone for much longer.

Jogged by a sudden realization, Had turned on his heel and faced her, dagger-like eyes and all. "Evaleith?"

The girl frowned--his sister frowned. "Yes?"

Oh, what to say? Was he even helping, or was he just going to hurt her even more? Had inhaled, then blurted out the two simplest words that came to mind.

"I know."

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