September 29, 1175
"And here I was thinking my steward was playing a joke on me." Searle had a smile that rendered evening stars insignificant. Even Sparron's dead heart wasn't quite immune to the surge that smile spurred, fluttering around in its hollow cavity like a dry autumn leaf or some pathetic one-winged butterfly--not that it stayed airborne for long. "It's been a while since you called. How have you been?"
Sparron pulled himself off the couch and shrugged. Awful. Horrible. Grasping for any semblance of sense he could find only to watch it all slip away. Of course, Searle couldn't know that. "Well enough. Happy birthday, by the way."
Searle's mouth faltered somewhat, his eyes receding under a slight squint. "You remembered."
He always remembered. He usually made a point to 'forget'. "Can we talk?"
That must have thrown Searle for a loop. After a stunned couple of seconds, he nodded. "Of course we can talk. What do you want to talk about?"
Nothing. Everything. What the hell did it matter at this point? Best to just get it over with. "I just wanted to apologize."
The words snuffed the light in Searle's face with all the ease of a gust on a candle. He'd known before making up his mind to come that Searle was going to get hurt--he always did--but if he did this now, then he'd never have to hurt him again. It had to be a clean break. Searle had already been through enough. "Sparron..."
"No, I mean it." Sparron caught a glance of Searle's wedding ring, then took to fidgeting with his own. Sometimes it seemed like a cage or a weight, but today it didn't feel like anything. It was just a ring. "I'm sorry that I keep ruining your life and I don't want to do that anymore. I just want you to be happy, and I think you could be if I wasn't holding you back."
"Oh." That was it. No tears, no pleas, just a knowing frown. Searle had grown up--not that it should've been a surprise. He'd always been the stronger one, even when he'd been the weaker one. "I see."
Sparron twitched his mouth into what he'd meant as a reassuring grin, but it probably just looked awkward. It had been a while since he'd smiled. "Again, I'm sorry. I just feel you'll be better off."
Searle only sighed. "If you say so."
Though he held his head high, a sparkle in the corner of his eye hinted at a tear waiting to fall. Maybe the poor kid wasn't so grown up after all. Maybe that made this all the more necessary. Still... "Searle."
The blue eyes opened, though a rapid blinking kept the tears at bay. "I, uh..." Sparron glanced down at his wedding band again. He what? He wasn't sure why he felt the urge to say something, but it was making him uncomfortable. "I... well... what I wanted to--" What? This wasn't working. "Just... take care of yourself, all right?"
Searle took a minute to look him over. His face was illegible to the point of being frustrating, but maybe that was for the best. The last thing Sparron needed was to read further into this. "You too."
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