March 15, 2017

In Which Dora Wishes

September 21, 1203

"I still can't believe Ceidrid's old enough to be starting at the school next week! They grow up so fast, don't they?" Her mother's eyes sparkled with pride, but as usual, a pang of guilt hit Dora's heart at the sight. Her mother was, of course, her son's grandmother, and she loved him and doted on him like any of her other grandsons.

But only her mother and Severin and Ylwa knew who she really was. From what Dora could see, Ceidrid loved his grandmother as a grandmotherly figure, loved her like he loved his other grandmother--but he didn't know she was his grandmother. That had been a conflict of brain versus heart, and Dora's brain had triumphed, ruling that Ceidrid would be better off not knowing about his mother's secret past. That didn't mean her heart was free of the consequences, of the agony of the boy not knowing her family as family.

And her mother! Even if her mother knew Ceidrid for her grandson, it wasn't fair that she wasn't known in turn as his grandmother.

"Dora? What's wrong, dear?"

Dora bit her lip. She didn't like to lie to her mother. Even if she had the excuse of her altered memories--and she didn't, not when she'd chosen them--she'd done enough of that.

"I... I'm so sorry that I chose not to tell him. I think it's in his better interests, but I wish he at least knew who you were. And who Father is, and his aunts and uncles and cousins."

Never mind that her father and all but one of her siblings had no idea.

"No need to be sorry, dear. It's... unfortunate, perhaps, but we both know that we can't have it both ways there. And I did promise you that I'd support whatever decisions you made; Lord knows I have no idea what you've been through, so I won't presume to know better."

"Yes, and thank you for that--and everything." But the acceptance, the understanding... surely it didn't undo the hurt. It certainly didn't for the rest of them, who didn't know, who might never know--who might have benefited from not knowing, but who regardless would never know closure, or what they could have had but never did. Her father. Her sisters, brothers. Her husband.

Her son.

"I just... I wish there was another way."



Van said...

Me: Baaaah, every time I think my schedule's going back to normal, someone else at work gets sick and I'm pretty much only home to sleep and oh my God I haven't written anything in forever and I'm dying. Brain! Write something!

Brain: *vomits*

Me:, guess it's something.

Anonymous said...

Vomiting brains seem like a very serious condition. ô.ó
But I don't think that it's a bad chapter. It would be only natural for Dora to feel this way. Though I honestly doubt that Florian would care that his son is a daughter now.

Van said...


Yeah, I doubt Florian would care, once he got a chance to wrap his head around it. I think the main concern for both Dora and Thetis is that the more people involved in a secret, the higher the chances of it becoming common knowledge. Most of the Naronians that have gained prominence in the story would, at the very least, mark the issue as "None of my business", but still-- The Times. :S