In Which Searle Performs a Proper Diagnosis

December 14, 1168

After what had to have been at least ten minutes of relative quiet, Sparron put down his pen and tucked in his chair. "I'm sorry that there's not much to do around here."

"It's fine," Searle insisted as the other boy strode toward him. "I mean, I like doing things and all, but sometimes it's nice to just sit and think."

Coming to a halt at Searle's feet, Sparron chuckled. "Sitting and thinking? I take it no one in your family understands that."

"My father does." Searle picked at a lose thread on his sleeve and sighed. "At least, he used to." He let his eyes drop to his lap and studied the backs of his hands. He didn't want to talk about his father.

Fortunately, Sparron seemed to pick up on that. "So, is Ietrin still chasing your sister? Maybe we could take him if we both go to pound him at the same time."

"And Eblor might want to help, because Ietrin flirts with Aydelle all the time too," Searle added, his mind still struggling with the fact that his sharp-eyed sister had somehow been lumped into the same category as a beauty such as Princess Leara's maid. "He likes Ellona too, but she's mean and I don't think anyone else can stand her, so it'll just be the three of us."

"Two," the other boy insisted. "Eblor doesn't deserve to fight for Aydelle. Didn't you know? He's always chasing after other girls behind her back. Camaline complains about it all the time."

Searle raised an eyebrow; he'd never heard Sparron mention his betrothed, and for some reason, he'd figured he never would. "That seems like an odd thing for a girl to discuss with her betrothed."

Sparron's mouth curved into a suspiciously grimace-like grin. "Well, Camaline's an odd sort of girl. I can't really explain it. Well... you've kissed girls before, right?"

Searle nodded. "Four of them. Why?"

"Four?" If his face was any indication, Sparron's heart had stopped for a couple of seconds. "Well, I've only kissed the one, and it's not supposed to feel like you're kissing an ice sculpture, is it?"

"I guess not. My kisses were nice, at least."

"I thought so." The older boy tossed back his head in resignation. "Anyway, thank you for being honest, but not in that in-your-face sort of way that Jadin is. You should have seen him when I asked him about this; you'd think he invented the kiss."

That did sound like Jadin. It also sounded absurd. Shaking his head, Searle leapt to his feet and snickered. "Sparron, have you ever seen Jadin kiss a girl?"

"No." Sparron took a moment to consider this. "You mean... he really hasn't?"

"Oh no, he has," Searle assured him. "Lots of girls--more than me for sure, and it isn't as if I've seen all of them. But I'll let you in on a little secret." He leaned a little closer, then shot a glance to the door; if there was any chance this got back to Jadin, then he was in for the beating of a lifetime when they got home. "He does it all wrong."

"What?" Sparron seemed to be caught somewhere between amusement and disbelief. "Seriously? What do you mean?"

"I mean it looks like he's trying to eat her face!" Searle gasped, shuddering as the memory of Jadin's most recent display danced across his mind. "And not in the way adults kiss when they start getting randy either--you'd actually think her face was a pie. He's over-eager, so he's slobbering all over her. And then when he tries to use his tongue, it only makes it into her mouth about half the time. It's a mess! It's like watching a newborn puppy trying to climb back in!"

The older boy shuddered. "God, I hope I don't kiss like that... although, it would explain why Camaline hates it."

"Nah, you don't seem like the type who would slobber all over a girl's face," Searle assured him. "Some girls just don't like kissing for some reason."

"It would be nice to know the reason, though." Sparron clasped his hands for a few seconds, then let them fall deftly to his sides. "There must be something wrong with the way I kiss."

Good Lord, he sure was down on himself about this. There was only one way Searle could shut him up.

Mindful that a second thought might dissuade him, he pounced upon the other boy and planted a firm kiss right on Sparron's mouth. He kept him in lip-lock for about a minute or so in order to perform a proper diagnosis; from what he could tell, Sparron had been overreacting. There was nothing wrong with the way he kissed. He wasn't any better than any of the girls Searle had pecked previously, but he wasn't any worse either. Curious, Searle decided to apply a bit of tongue; Sparron passed that test as well.

After concluding that Camaline was simply frigid, Searle broke away and released Sparron, who took a few seconds to catch his breath, then just stared at him, seemingly confused in an amused sort of way. "Uh... what the hell?"

Searle shrugged. "I see no obvious flaws with your technique."

"So... that was a test, then?" Sparron's expression was unchanged; clearly, the boy couldn't take a compliment.

Hoping to reassure him, Searle nodded. "And you passed with flying colors. I hate to break it to you, Soldier, but your woman just doesn't know a good kiss when it hits her in the face."

Sparron still looked a little skeptical, but from what Searle could tell, he didn't want to argue. "All right, then..."

"Anyway, you know how you asked if I wanted to go for a ride, but I said it was too cold and you'd have to be mad to go out there if you didn't have to?" Sparron gave a slow nod, to which Searle responded with a smile. "I'm feeling a bit insane now; want to go for a ride?"

"Might as well," the other boy agreed. "Now that you mention it, I'm feeling somewhat crazy myself."

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