In Which Aldhein Learns What Better Is

November 18, 1165

Upon entering the room, Aldhein could not recall exactly what he had come for. In any case, it must have been important in order for him to risk Alsina's company in those fragile hours between supper and when she went to bed. Frankly, he had trouble believing that she would even let him intrude; with not even a year gone by since whatever it was that had happened to her, he might have expected that she would not be ready to be alone with a man at all, let alone in her own bedroom.

And yet, of the two of them, he was the one who seemed to find the most discomfort in their relationship. Perhaps they were both mad. "Did I leave something in here?"

Alsina shook her head. "When would you be here to leave something in the first place?"

She might as well have punched him in the stomach. Whatever response he had expected, it was certainly not that; she had been flighty once, but never mean-spirited. "Sorry?"

Sighing, she gestured to the empty side of the bed. "Sit down for a minute?"

The quiet urgency in her voice deemed it useless to argue. He made his way to the bed and settled himself beside her, overly conscious of his every movement out of fear that his stray hand would take the first opportunity to caress her in some obscene way. What was it about her? He had yet to figure it out. "What do you want?"

"To figure out what's going on inside your damn head," she answered bitterly, "since I've given up on you ever just telling me. I don't understand you at all."

"And you shouldn't make the mistake of thinking that you want to," he warned her, distracting his eyes with the engraved patterns on the roof of the bed's canopy. "The fact of the matter is that I am an unstable, disturbed man, and my own mother would run screaming in the opposite direction if she got a glimpse of what goes on in my head. Can I go now?"

Alsina's pretty bottom lip curled into her mouth. "Unstable, disturbed people don't think they're unstable or disturbed."

"Well, there's no way you can know that for sure, is there?"

He watched her face tense as she checked his logic. Appearing not to have found any flaws, her lip quivered. "Are you trying to be repulsive?"

Aldhein raised an eyebrow. "Do I need to try harder?"

"No!" she insisted. "Just... don't. You said you liked me, remember? Would it kill you to act like that's true?"

He sighed. "You clearly have no idea how I act around people I like."

"Yes I do--it's not like I've never seen you around other people you like."

Aldhein reclined further backward until his head reached the board. "It's... complicated, all right? Let's just say that I don't think it would be in your best interests to get attached to me."

"Attached to you?" she repeated, a hint of outrage swelling in her tone. "Are you out of your fucking mind? I married you! By definition, I'm already attached to you!"

Unconvinced, he dug his heel further into the mattress. "Alsina, we're barely married. We haven't even had sex." He figured it could have only been a courtesy to omit the word 'yet'.

She tossed back her head, her red hair falling behind her sloped shoulders. "And whose fault is that, do you think?"

Was she implying something? "You're a child!"

"I'm seventeen in April, asshole--I haven't been a child for years."

"But with what happened to you--"

She cut him off with a shake of her head. "Obviously, I'm aware of that--and I'm tired of everyone walking on eggshells around me. Maybe that works for some people, but that sure as hell isn't the case for me."

Aldhein felt his brow furrow. "You can't possibly want to be reminded of--?"

"Of course not!" she snapped. "I want some normalcy! I want a family who can actually talk to me without having to weigh their words. Thank you for not wanting to remind me, but this method is just a reminder in itself--what do you think I have to do other than think about it while I'm cooped up all alone here? Why do you think I keep making you nightshirts even though none of them show any signs of wear? I need some distractions, and you aren't giving me any!"

Well, then--he didn't really know how to respond. If normalcy was what she needed, then he had provided anything but. Had he truly been going about the whole marriage the wrong way? "Darling, I'm so sorry."

What had he called her? Darling? Really? He couldn't recall ever addressing anyone as such in his life; he wondered where it had come from.

Alsina sniffed. "My mother always said that 'Sorry' doesn't mean anything if you don't mean to do better."

"I'll do better if you if you let me know what 'better' is," he compromised; if he'd been unwittingly reminding her of what could have very well been rape this entire time, it seemed the least he could do.

She pushed her upper body from the mattress and smiled; he thought he saw a hint of that old spark in her eyes. "Fair enough. Can we go for a ride tomorrow? Just us and Lyssie?"

He nodded. "If that's what you want."

"It is."

Relieved to see that she was no longer the bitter Alsina of today or the gloomy one of yesterday, Aldhein attempted to smile; this effort was met with a sudden, surprising hug. "Thank you."

She hadn't been so close to him since that night at Florian's house; he was caught off-guard by how easy it was not to be disgusting. Maybe he actually cared about more than just her body. It was possible; he'd never felt that way before, so he figured he wouldn't know for sure. In any case, he supposed it didn't matter all that much at this point. He pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek, then rested his head against her own. "You're welcome."

"See? I knew you could be nice," she whispered as the tip of her nose met his jawline. "Next time you see Florian, tell him he owes me a silver piece."

NEXT CHAPTER: