July 23, 1184
Rina dreamed of a staircase.Her classmates stood at the top, and so did her peers back in Dovia, her brother and her barely-older aunts. She was close enough that she could see them, but she never got any closer. She walked, she ran, she barely more than lifted her legs step by step, but every step she cleared reappeared at the top of the set.
Every pair of eyes at the top fell upon her. Some of the faces were laughing, some of the fingers pointing, some of the mouths shouting unclear taunts that she nonetheless knew to be hurtful. Some looked upon her with pitying eyes, shaking their heads. Others still grimaced, as if to pretend they hadn't noticed, or to offer empty encouragement despite knowing it to be futile. She wasn't sure who up there she hated most.
Her younger uncle passed her on his way up. Her little brothers. Her cousins, her age, younger, younger still. Some of them even crawled, and the laughter from the openly cruel swelled.
Rina... someone called, near and far both at once, barely audible amidst the noise of the crowd. Rina, Rina...Severin Tumekrin emerged from the crowd and ventured down a few steps to offer her a hand. She grabbed it and he returned to the top, trying to pull her after him, but no matter how many steps she climbed, their distance remained constant.
Rina...
"Stop!" she screamed to her mocking peers. "Stop it! Leave me alone!"
More cackles, more taunts, louder still. An extra stair emerged between her and the top; Severin's grip on her hand weakened.
Rina...
"Go away!" she yelled again as more steps spawned, as she held to Severin merely finger to the finger. "Go to hell, all of you! Don't look at me! Don't look at me!"
What remained of their grasp broke and she tumbled backward, past toddlers and babies and the not yet born, the noise of the watchers deafening. She rolled further and further, unable to stop herself, until she fell from the stairs entirely. She landed on a sickly, saccharine pink mattress, wooden walls and babyish toys surrounding her. If she looked up, all she saw was her father, glowering down from his great world of blackness.
Rina...
Stop it.
Rina...
No.
Rina...
I wish I was dead. Just let me die!
"Rina?"
Her eyes snapped open. Her father was gone. There was no cradle, no stairs, no jeers from ruthless bullies. She was in bed, in her room at her Uncle Garrett's castle.
With the only person in the world who could maybe make it better. "Grandfather?"She sprung from her bed and ran to his outstretched arms, like she had when she was a child after all those times her father had chastised her. "Grandfather! You're here!"
"Oh, Rina." He squeezed her a little tighter and kissed her on the cheek. "I had to see you.""I didn't want to go away." Surely not if he would have recovered!
"You did. You don't know it yet, but you did; you just wanted to leave on your own terms. I don't blame you for that."
His embrace eased and Rina's tiptoed feet fell flat. Her hand lingered on his arm as she looked him in the eye. "Grandfather..."
"I wanted to apologize. I should have stopped your father. I've spent the past months regretting that I couldn't."Why would he say such a thing? "It wasn't your fault. You were ill..."
"Yes. That changes nothing." But it did! He would have helped her had he been well. Surely he would have? Some days, it was the only thought that kept her going... "I'm so sorry, Rina. But I need you to know that things will get better for you."
Rina grimaced. Her grandfather was not a liar. But neither were her grandmother and her aunt and uncle, and they told her that far too often. "Grandfather...""I know you don't believe it, and you're probably sick of hearing it. I wouldn't say it if I didn't know for sure." He took her hand and squeezed it. It had been months since she'd felt so warm. "I've been granted glimpses, Rina. I haven't seen everything, but I've seen the important things--enough to know that it will get better."
Glimpses? "Grandfather? What are you talking about? What do you mean?"
"Take care of yourself, Rina." That wasn't an answer. "And if you can't, remember that I'm never far away.""Grandfather--"
"I have to leave now." But hadn't he just--? "I love you, Rina. I always will."
Why had his voice grown more distant? "Grandfather--"
"Goodbye."
*
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